The Words of Tall Pants

Good Friday Reflection

2011-04-22T18:45:00.000-04:00

Each year, Bretton Woods takes part in a Community Good Friday Service on the West side of Lansing which includes participation from Reformed, Baptist, Nazarene, Presbyterian, Grace Brethren, and any combination thereof. For tonight’s service, the five pastors will each be sharing Good Friday narratives from the perspective of different characters in the Biblical narrative. I wrote a first person narrative from Peter’s perspective, and thought it worth sharing with you all.

I don’t claim to really know the extent of Peter’s thoughts and feelings on that night, but I hope you’ll find this a faithful rendering, and a help on your own journey to the cross.

Grace and peace to you this Good Friday.

_________________________________________

Good Friday 2011 | Peter’s perspective

Last night, all of us got together to keep the Passover. We’re accustomed to the Lord’s idiosyncrasies. Having us approach a stranger about keeping the feast at his house was no surprise. Perhaps I shouldn’t have been surprised when Jesus got up from the meal and bowed before each of us and began washing our feet.

But I was. I was quite surprised, and a little offended. What business does the Lord have washing my feet? Jesus is no slave. We’ve come all the way to Jerusalem, to His Father’s temple, to the place where all authority sits, and Jesus wants to act like he doesn’t have any power? It’s just this sort of behavior that makes so many priests and teachers and crowds and authorities want to get rid of him.

I’m the servant. I serve Jesus. I’ve given up my livelihood to follow him, and now he wants to be my servant? Wash my feet? No, I needed to wash his feet. So I offered.

But he said that if he didn’t wash me, then I’d have no part with him. So of course I asked him to wash all of me. If being washed by him draws me closer to him, then I want a full bath! Wash my hair, my hands, all of me!

Then Jesus says that I’ve already bathed. I don’t need a bath. I’m already clean.

Which is it? It’s hard to describe how confused I am. He explained something about loving one another and another thing about servants not being greater than their masters.

But that’s not true. Masters are greater than servants. That’s why they’re masters and not servants. He’s the master. We should all bow before him and wash his feet. Jesus is being reckless, washing our feet. Somebody around here is going to get a big head if he keeps serving us.

Then things got really disturbing. Jesus said that one of us would betray him, and that all of us would lose faith. “No way!” I told him. He’s the greatest. I wouldn’t ever lose faith in him, even if everyone else did. I know who this guy is. I’ve been walking with him for three years! I hadn’t known Jesus to be wrong before, but this time I was sure. I will never lose faith. I’m too strong for that.

Jesus prayed for me. He prayed for all of us. He prayed that we’d be strong and spread his love throughout the world. I’m ready to get started right now. What are we waiting for?

With stomachs full of food and wine from the Passover feast, we took a trip to the garden. It’s one of Jesus’ favorite places to come to pray. But it was late. Very late. He wanted us to stay up and pray with him. Doesn’t he understand how tired we are? We’ve been traveling, our stomachs are full, and we’re sleepy.

He told us to keep watch. Keep watch? For what? Oh, if only I had known.

Out of nowhere, comes that TRAITOR Judas, leading a crowd to come take Jesus away. What is going on? This is what we were keeping watch for? I thought we might be keeping watch for the coming of God’s Kingdom, the fall of Caesar, or even something like that day we saw Jesus on the mountain with Moses and Elijah. Anything but this…

Anything…

Jesus is our leader. He can’t be imprisoned. Betrayed with a kiss from Judas? I would like to cut those lips right off his face! HOW DARE HE!

What is Jesus’ plan here? They’ve just taken him away, and the accusations are serious: making false claims and blaspheming. None of it’s true, but they’ve taken him all the same. What do I do with this? How could Jesus leave us like this? I’ve heard he might be executed for these charges. Then what will we do?

How could he leave us alone? Is that why he washed our feet? Because he’s not going to lead us anymore? I’ve always trusted Jesus, but he’s always been our leader. If he’s not going to lead, I’m not sure how to follow.

I’m so confused, scared, heartbroken. And there’s no sense in all of us getting arrested here. What do I do?

<<as though interrupted>>

What’s that? Jesus of Nazareth? Don’t know him.

<<in prayer>>

O God, what am I saying?

<<interrupted again>>

No, no, I’m not one of his followers.

<<in prayer>>

God, is this really happening? Is he really going to die?

<<interrupted>>

What’s that? My accent? I don’t know what you’re talking about

<<in prayer>>

Dear God, what have I done?

Gather Round the Mic

2011-04-07T13:53:00.008-04:00

Though this blog has been dormant through 2011 thus far, I have been writing. I've posted a couple pieces at a blog collective called "Gather Round the Mic."

First, for a piece on how my media habits have shifted since becoming a father, some 4.5 years ago, click here.

For the site's top 10 films of 2010 list, I contributed the synopsis on Toy Story 3, since I had been watching it constantly and repeatedly since its release on DVD. You can read that here.

And just today, I posted a reflection on the intersection between the film The Invention of Lying and the books Love Wins and The Sacredness of Questioning Everything. Read that here.

I was a bit busy in February and March due to the birth of our third child, our beautiful son, Joel Andrew. Kids are great. We love 'em.

Favorite EP’s of 2010

2010-12-29T11:00:00.000-05:00

My final list of 2010 is my favorite EP’s. I’m not sure if “A Summer in 3/4 Time” is officially classified as an EP, but at 28+ minutes of non-album music, I’m counting it.

If you’ve read my other lists, you may notice that Sufjan Stevens has made a clean sweep. He recorded my favorite album (“The Age of Adz”), my favorite song [“All Delighted People (Original Version)”], and now, my favorite EP (“All Delighted People”). I had no idea this would be the year of Sufjan for me, but it became just that pretty quickly once he decided to release more than two hours of music in a matter of a couple months. Kristian Mattson (The Tallest Man on Earth) follows pretty close behind Sufjan, also releasing a brilliant LP and EP within the year.

Enjoy the lists, and more importantly, enjoy the music. I believe that the artists I’ve affirmed on these lists are paying attention to the important things of the human condition, and we do well to pay attention to their artistic achievements. As Jonsi said so well, “everything’s full of life.” I hope you find life in this music, as I have.

Now, my favorite EP’s of 2010:

5. Jens Lekman “A Summer in ¾ Time”

4. Sleeping at Last “October”

3. Commodore Cosmos “Diplododisc”

2. The Tallest Man on Earth “Sometimes the Blues Is Just a Passing Bird”

1. Sufjan Stevens “All Delighted People”

Favorite Songs of 2010

2010-12-28T22:43:00.001-05:00

My ground rules for these selections:

One track per LP or EP
Tracks must be among my favorites

Pretty simple, eh? As with the albums, I’ve linked the titles for easy preview and purchase at Amazon. Enjoy!

25. Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band “Wedding Day in Funeralville”

From the John Prine tribute “Broken Hearts and Dirty Windows,” this track is interpreted aptly by Conor Oberst (of Bright Eyes fame). Prine’s lyrics are compelling, the tune catchy and efficient.

24. Vampire Weekend “Giving Up the Gun”

I like the “beating swords into plowshares” lyrical theme of this track, and like most Vampire Weekend songs, it’s bouncy and danceable.

23. She & Him “In the Sun”

This was the most requested song by my daughter in 2010. It’s a charming ditty that I gladly play over and over for my beautiful little girl.

22. Buke and Gass “Revel In Contempt”

I love the energy, I love the homemade (home invented?) instruments, and I think as time goes on, I’ll love this band more and more.

21. Broken Social Scene “World Sick”

Do they really have five guitarists? Intense. And who can’t relate to the chorus, “I get world sick every time I take a stand”?

20. Commodore Cosmos “Impending Doom”

Lansing’s own Commodore Cosmos bring out the big guns on this track. The track sounds like the title suggests, ranging from tense anticipation to all out doom. It uses quiet-loud dynamics to great effect, and it’s a great song. I love you, Commodore Cosmos!

19. Johnny Cash “Ain’t No Grave”

It’s Johnny Cash, with Scott Avett on banjo. Not much could go wrong here. And it doesn’t.

18. Sleeping at Last “Watermark”

Sleeping at Last have inspired me since I first saw them in ‘98, and this gorgeous track continues the trend, “Dive in with your eyes closed / For the life you were born to claim / And the water will be paralyzed / By the courage you contain.”

17. Belle & Sebastian “I Didn’t See it Coming”

What a fantastic album opener. It’s sweet, it’s beautiful, the vocals are perfect, and it’s a builder. “Make me dance, I want to surrender.”

16. Mavis Staples “Wrote a Song for Everyone”

Of all the songs on “You Are Not Alone,” this is the one I find myself singing while washing the dishes. A sign of a great song in my book. Also, fantastic guitar tone.

15. The New Pornographers “The Crash Years”

The chorus is electric, and this gem is buried in one of the verses, “Light a candle's end / You are a light turned low / And like the rest of us / You got those old eternity blues.” Good tune.

14. Janelle Monae “Cold War”

Pop songs everywhere, take notes. This is how you deliver an opening line, and this is how you sing a hook. If that weren’t enough, the song is reflective, making you ask yourself “do you know what you’re fighting for?”

13. Titus Andronicus “A More Perfect Union”

This epic rock n’ roll track references The Civil War, Springsteen, and it flat out rocks. The energy of this track makes me believe these guys are an amazing live band. Just a hunch.

12. Arcade Fire “City With No Children”

“You never trust a millionaire quoting the Sermon on the Mount.” Lines like this are why Arcade Fire is one of my favorite bands. And what a bassline!

11. Josh Ritter “The Curse”

Archaeologist falls in love with mummy, mummy enjoys life more than archaeologist, archaeologist becomes mummy, mummy lives on. At least I think that’s how it goes. It’s a beautiful, wonderfully inventive love song.

10. The Avett Brothers “Spanish Pipedream”

From the excellent “Broken Hearts and Dirty Windows” John Prine tribute album comes this gem. I haven’t heard John Prine’s original, but this song is perfect for the Avett Brothers.

9. The Walkmen “Stranded”

It’s a song of regret and sadness, but it doesn’t make me sad to listen to it. The horns are the lifeblood of the song, and the vocals are spot on.

8. The Tallest Man on Earth “Burden of Tomorrow”

Few can sing a line like “once I held a glacier to an open flame” and make it sound completely uncontrived. I love this man’s songs.

7. Joe Pug “Bury Me Far (From My Uniform)”

Poetic-Theo-political commentary set to a charming melody. If you are unmoved by lines like “Do not find me justice / Just find me a grave / And then bury me far from my uniform / So God might remember my face,” check your pulse.

6. The National “Runaway”

This is a beautiful depiction of facing near insurmountable fears and difficulties, and one of the most singable melodies in The National’s catalog.

5. Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More”

It’s a great song from the opening line, but from 1:50 on, it crescendos, repeating these beautiful lines, “Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free / Be more like the man you were made to be / There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see the beauty of love as it was made to be.” Beautiful.

4. Jonsi “Animal Arithmetic”

This frenetic song feels like it could spin out of control at any point, but it holds together until it releases into its joyous refrain.

3. Sufjan Stevens “Impossible Soul”

The 25:35 culmination of my favorite album of the year. It cross-references lines from nearly every other song on the album, it covers five distinct musical and emotional dynamics. It might be unfair to call it a “song,” since it’s pretty much it’s own EP, but it’s quite an achievement. An impossible achievement? Couldn’t resist.

2. The Tallest Man on Earth “The Dreamer”

The electric guitar is a little muddy, the imagery is beautiful as usual, and the chorus is impossibly perfect: “sometimes the blues is just a passing bird, and why can’t that always be? Tossing aside from your birch’s crown with just enough dark to see how you’re the light over me.” I put on this song, and just let it wash over me.

1. Sufjan Stevens “All Delighted People (Original Version)”

This song embodies everything that I love about Sufjan Stevens. It might be the most epic thing I’ve ever heard, packed with wall to wall crescendo’s, and at the center, this beautiful, joyous line, “all delighted people raise their hands.” If that weren’t enough, it borrows lyrics from one of my all-time favorite songs, Simon & Garfunkel’s “Sound of Silence.” Clocking in at nearly 12 minutes, I only wish it were longer. You may disagree, but this is my idea of a perfect song. My hands are still raised.

Favorite Albums of 2010

2010-12-28T12:00:00.001-05:00

I love music. I loved a lot of music in 2010. I decided to rank the music and write about it. If you take the time to read this, congratulations! You must be a music nerd like me! Without further ado, my favorite albums of 2010:

(click on album titles for links to preview and download albums from Amazon)

15. Damien Jurado “Saint Bartlett”

Damien Jurado is a remarkably consistent songwriter, which led me to take this one for granted a bit. I didn’t dig deep enough into these songs to rank it confidently, but, as always, it’s a beautiful collection of songs. Love the vocal echoes on opener “Cloudy Shoes.”

14. Joe Pug “Messenger”

After 2008’s outstanding “Nation of Heat EP,” I had very high hopes for this debut LP. Pug’s songwriting is just as strong as on “Heat,” especially on heart-wrenching tracks like “Bury Me (Close to My Uniform),” but there’s something about the full band sound on this album that’s a bit too polished for my taste. Pug’s songs just feel like they need a bit more edge. I’m excited to hear whatever he comes up with next.

13. She & Him “Volume 2”

The orchestration is lush. The songs are gorgeous. I love this album. “Volume 1” was a minimalist pop masterpiece, and this is an apt follow-up. M. Ward’s jack-of-all-trades musicianship and Zooey Deschanel’s crystal clear voice and impeccable ear for melody make for a wonderful, albeit grammatically incorrect, musical pair.

12. Mavis Staples “You Are Not Alone”

I own Loretta Lynn’s “Van Lear Rose” because it was produced by Jack White (The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, The Dead Weather). I own Mavis Staples’ “You Are Not Alone” because it was produced by Jeff Tweedy (Wilco). In both cases, it’s a good match. There are some great gospel tracks, a couple Tweedy originals (including the excellent title track). My favorite is the the anthemic track, “Wrote a Song for Everyone.”

11. Johnny Cash “American VI: Ain’t No Grave”

Johnny Cash’s late-career producer, collaborator and career-reviver Rick Rubin can’t let Johnny Cash go, which means we keep getting to hear more of the wonderful recordings the legendary man left behind. When Johnny Cash sings “there ain’t no grave can hold my body down,” I believe him. Some of these songs could bring someone to tears. But not me, of course. I was just chopping onions.

10. The Walkmen “Lisbon”

The Walkmen have been around for a while now (this is their 6th LP), but this is the first of theirs that I’ve really listened to. I heard “Stranded” on NPR’s All Songs Considered, and fell in love. “Stranded” remains the standout track on the album (I’m a sucker for a good horn section), but this is a solid album, beginning to end. The vocals are impassioned, the percussion inventive, the guitar work pristine. Walk on, Walkmen. Yeah, I just said that, and it was hilarious.

9. Belle & Sebastian “Write About Love”

Speaking of bands who have been around for awhile, Belle & Sebastian have been making “wistful pop” since the days when I was exclusively listening to Christian punk rock and ska music (i.e. the mid-late 90’s). I’ve grown to appreciate B&S over the past five years or so, but I am by no means a devout fan, though I may well be on my way to becoming one. With their 8th LP, B&S make it sound easy, something that’s far from easy to do. Great sing-along tunes.

8. Janelle Monae “The ArchAndroid”

Concept album. Check. Ambitious album. Check. I don’t normally love R&B/Hip-hop, but I really love this album. A stark contrast to many of her contemporaries in the pop world, Janelle Monae evokes the classic vibe of James Brown and Marvin Gaye. Her lyrics are science fiction, inspired by Fritz Lang’s 1927 silent film “Metropolis.” Monae takes on the character of Cindi Mayweather, something of an android messiah, to explore issues of class prejudice and “other-ness.” I may well like this more and more as I continue to listen to it. Also, the tracks “Cold War” and “Tightrope” are SO the jams.

7. The National “High Violet”

Nearly every male vocalist I listen to is a tenor, but not Matt Berninger. This is the first thing that strikes you when you listen to the National. The deep voice up front contributes to their dark, brooding aesthetic. The percussion on this album is exceptional (e.g. “Terrible Love,” and “Bloodbuzz Ohio”). The line “I was afraid I’d eat your brains” (from “Conversation 16”) makes me laugh audibly every time. I’m not sure if I should be laughing, and that’s precisely why this music is so good. These guys are masters of tension, and I gladly live in it with them.

6. Josh Ritter “So Runs the World Away”

I can’t think of anybody who can top Josh Ritter as a lyricist right now. For example, in the nautically-themed epic “Another New World,” the wordplay “'Til at last all around us was fastness, one vast glassy desert of arsenic white.” Is he just showing off? Even if he is, I embrace it wholeheartedly. If I were the arguing type, I might argue that Josh Ritter is our generation’s Paul Simon. I only hope Ritter’s career continues as long as Simon’s. Another highlight: “The Curse” is about an archaeologist who falls in love with a revived mummy and then trades places with him. You gotta hear it.

5. The Tallest Man on Earth “The Wild Hunt”

Kristian Matsson is a bit of an enigma. I know that he’s from Sweden, he’s not tall, his voice projects as though he’s swallowed an amplifier, and he continues to write and record brilliant songs. I fell in love with his debut LP “Shallow Grave” in 2008, and this new collection is, for the most part, cut from the same cloth. Aside from the more spacious piano-based closer “Kids on the Run,” these are densely crafted folk masterpieces, meticulously picked on guitar and banjo, leaving much to be unpacked even after numerous listens. These songs keep on giving, and I thank The Tallest Man on Earth for each one of them.

4. Mumford & Sons “Sigh No More”

People kept telling me to get this album, that I’d love it. I kept putting it off. I got the album. They were right. I thanked them. From the opening line of the album “Serve God, love me and mend” (from Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing”) to the closing line “Get over your hill and see what you find there, with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair,” it is clear that themes of God, grace and forgiveness are at the heart of this album. They sing and play with intense passion, and they use dynamic shifts to great effect. They’re the only band I’ve heard play a banjo as violently as Scott Avett, and they put together an incredible debut album full of life and catharsis.

3. Jonsi “Go”

Icelandic band Sigur Ros has built up a ravenously devoted fan base, and the debut (English language!) solo album from singer Jón Þór Birgisson was (and is) exciting. The best way to describe this album is with one of Jonsi’s lines, from the track “Animal Arithmetic,” “every time, everyone, everything’s full of life!” This album is brimming with life. The percussion is at times so energetic and Jonsi’s voice so pure that I feel like I need to jump out of my body to enjoy it properly. Jonsi has a knack for transcendent music. His voice is a treasure, and his songs a gift.

2. Arcade Fire “The Suburbs”

I was really excited about this album’s release. I preordered the vinyl as soon as humanly possible, and took notes (notes I say!) during my first listen through. Arcade Fire has released three albums, and I don’t think they could be any better. “Funeral” was bombastic, refreshingly honest, full of relatable human suffering and vivid imagery. “Neon Bible” was full of critique of church, politics and pop culture, drenched in pipe organ and lyrics that speak directly to my heart. “The Suburbs” is just a fantastic rock n’ roll album. It reminds me of Springsteen (“Modern Man”), The Mamas and the Papas (“City With No Children”), and, y’know, disco (“Sprawl II”).

Lyrically, Butler is spot on as usual, with suburban gems like “Pray to God I don’t live to see the death of everything that’s wild” (from “Half Light II”). Arcade Fire’s music works, I think, because the band cares deeply about what they sing about. They do not write off the suburbs as a faceless mass of people who have forsaken the open spaces and urban centers of our nation, but look at suburban life autobiographically, noting the good and the bad therein. It’s oddly compelling subject matter, executed masterfully by a great band.

1. Sufjan Stevens “The Age of Adz”

I was giddy with excitement on the day that (surprise!) Sufjan released a 58 minute EP (“All Delighted People”) with no forewarning whatsoever. It was just there, new Sufjan music. Sneak attack. And it was awesome. Not long after, there came news of a forthcoming LP. It came with a fair amount of explanation, summed up by: different/electronic/concept/outsider artist Royal Robertson/different. Also, different. Many were worried how it could live up to “Illinois,” his 2005 masterpiece. I was more worried that it could compare to the amazing EP he had just released! I preordered Adz on vinyl, and was giddy to listen to it. “Futile Devices” came over the speakers, and I was confused. This wasn’t very different. But then came the opening “brown noise” of “Too Much.” A bit dancy, a repeating chorus, minimal lyrics. I’m starting to get into the groove, and when the chilling horns of “The Age of Adz” enter at track 3, I’m hooked. I can’t say I “got it” immediately, but I knew I liked this.

Then I went with my good friend Jon Mickelson to see Sufjan in concert. This was the moment it all came together. Sufjan was having fun. He was dancing. His choreography was cheesy, but authentic. It was like he was experiencing the sort of joy I experience when I dance with my little kids in the living room after a long day at work. This is not to say that these songs are simplistic. They are as intricate as can be. I saw a 10 piece band (with 2 drummers, facing one another from opposite sides of the stage, playing mostly in unison throughout the show) bring these songs to life. And in the middle was Sufjan, perhaps my favorite artist, being brought to life again, after a five year semi-hiatus.

And I came back to the album. If you’ve listened to it less than ten times, you haven’t listened enough. It keeps giving, coming to life more and more with each listen. The profane moment on “I Want to Be Well” becomes a prayer, a cry, a plea to God, to doctors, to anyone who can help, to bring relief to an aching body/soul/mind, and now! You realize what an achievement “Impossible Soul” really is. Seriously, it’s over 25 minutes long, and you come to realize, as Sufjan said , introducing the piece at the concert, “everything that has happened so far has been leading up to this moment.” It’s a remarkably self-aware idea, that one is an “Impossible Soul,” and it requires 5 episodes to explore that idea fully.

After years of frustration with the idea of songwriting, Sufjan found inspiration amid great suffering and in an affinity with outsider artist Royal Robertson. I probably like Sufjan Stevens a bit too much, but what can I say? I think I’ve said it already.

Coming soon: My favorite EP’s and Songs from 2010

Glenn Beck and Social Justice

2010-03-11T16:41:00.007-05:00

If you haven't heard about Glenn Beck urging his listeners to leave their church if the church's website mentions "social justice" in a positive light, you can read about it here.

Much has been made about his statements, and in response, I found myself getting into an interesting discussion of the topic on everybody's favorite social network. I feel pretty good about one of my responses, and have deemed it blogworthy. So here is my response to a friend, and maybe you, if you share a bit of Beck's skepticism about "social justice."

Thanks for the thoughts!

I agree that the term "social justice" can embody a lot of different beliefs, many of which contradict the Bible, or at least a reasonable interpretation of it.

When the church talks about justice, I'd rather use a descriptor like "Biblical justice", but even in adjusting the language, the social implications of the pursuit of Biblical justice are numerous and unavoidable. So a balance must be maintained. Pursuit of social justice without Biblical reflection can spiral into mere humanistic liberalism.

BUT, there are many, many, great churches out there that consist of many, many Godly people, who do have a strong emphasis on Biblically rooted social justice pursuits, and are not bothered by using the term social justice to describe what they do. One of my heroes of the 20th Century, Martin Luther King, Jr., would not have been emboldened to pursue nonviolent resistance to a segregated America were it not for his strong vision of the Kingdom of God characterized primarily by love and justice with all their infinitely social implications. Catholic Social Teaching, one of the strongest components of the Catholic Church, is committed to a pursuit of social justice that is ardently on the side of the poor, radically pro-life, and attempts to embody the Gospel in all its many-sided compelling beauty.

So I hope we won't throw out the baby with the bathwater. It is a personal choice whether or not to align oneself with a church that is comfortable with self-identifying with the term "social justice," some of which are committed to a Christ-shaped Gospel commitment, and some of which are teetering on the brink of the aforementioned humanistic liberalism.

But Mr. Beck's exhortation for his listeners to see the use of the term itself as not only a red flag and a place to raise questions, but a reason to leave your church is...well...overstated, to say the least. It demonizes a whole category of churches, and in the process attempts to eliminate the need for discernment by making up our minds for us.

And I do think that if we take his words at face value, they are undeniably a play on the fears of his listeners: fears of liberalism, socialism, and even communism and Nazism. These are genuine fears, but exploiting those fears with church people from a political bully pulpit is something that I don't appreciate as a pastor. And I pray that these words don't come across as from my very tall religious bully pulpit :)

"Hospice" by The Antlers | A Pastoral Reflection

2010-03-04T13:40:00.004-05:00

Instantaneous information and access are cardinal virtues of our time, and reflections on albums released eight months ago are decidedly uncool. Reviews come out at or before the release of an album, and a revisit is only appropriate within the confines of "Best of" lists. Or 5, 10, 20, or 25 years later, when it has become a classic.

Well, Hospice, by The Antlers was released last summer to much critical acclaim, but I didn't hear about it until the year end lists started coming out in November and December. I didn't acquire the album until last week, and am grateful to receive its witness. Now this is not a blanket recommendation of the album. It's dark, haunting, brooding, at times nightmarish, and everything else you'd expect from an album entitled Hospice. But as someone who interacts with hospital patients, dying people, and grieving families on a semi-regular basis, I find the albums's stark honesty devastatingly beautiful.

I won't attempt to reconstruct the entire narrative of the album, nor review it, but only to share some ways in which its poetry has spoken truth into me as a pastoral caregiver. The opening lines are telling: "I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you. Because you'd been abused by the bone that refused you, and you hired me to make up for that." As a pastor, I often enter situations completely oblivious to the stories of one or more of the people immersed in a difficult situation. History, upbringing, core convictions, and biases toward tall people influence the coming conversation and subsequent relationship long before I enter a room. Expectations are rarely clear, and after the fact, we pine, with The Antlers, for a little foreknowledge, background, anything that would have prepared us for what's about to transpire.

In Hospice, Sylvia is the patient who grew up with an abusive father, and has become an abusive patient to her caregiver. The caregiver isn't faultless, as a lack of boundaries has allowed this abuse to escalate. He wants to be more than a caregiver. He wants to be her savior. On the song "Atrophy," over sparse but slowly building instrumentation, he confesses: "I'm bound to your bedside, your eulogy singer. I'd happily take all those bullets inside you and put them inside of myself." After these lines, the music builds to a cacophonic roar before pulling back to the singular voice, nearly whispering "Someone, oh anyone, Tell me how to stop this. She's screaming, expiring, and I'm her only witness." Later, in the heartwrenching song "Two," the caregiver mourns that "There's no open doors, and there's no way to get through, there's no other witnesses, just us two."

In my ongoing dialogues with God, this line has entered my mind more than once. "There's no other witnesses, just us two." Yesterday, it struck me why this line refuses to leave me alone. Much like the tragic protagonist of Hospice, I have been guilty of overidentifying and overinvesting. There have been times where I have assumed this responsibility of sole witness to the sufferings of another. Even while confessing with my lips that God is with them in their pain and suffering, I have been guilty of making it about me. Pastoral care should never be something that I need in order to feel useful as a pastor. It should not be the place where I pick at the things I hate in myself that I happen to see in others.

I, more than anyone should be the one to point to and embrace the third witness. And when it feels like "just us two," the time is ripe to embrace the presence of that mysterious Other, the self-giving God who knows the deepest suffering that human life has to offer, both in the pain of a Son who suffered the worst sort of death imaginable, and of the Father, who had to witness the unbearable tragedy. On the other side of suffering with Christ is hope. Tragically, for the isolated and suffocating suffering of Hospice, there is no other side, even after Sylvia's death. From the Epilogue, "When I try to move my arms sometimes, they weigh too much to lift. I think you buried me awake (my one and only parting gift.) But you return to me at night, just when I think I may have fallen asleep. Your face is up against mine, and I'm too terrified to speak."

I'm sure Hospice will continue to provide me with rich reflections appropriate for such a time as this Lenten season, and will serve as an ongoing reminder that caring for the hurting is a sacred task, and should never be attempted alone. The Kingdom of God gives us a hopeful alternative to the nightmares of Hospice. Not a sparing from suffering, but the promise of hope, the joy of resurrection.

The Forest For the Trees and All That Jazz

2010-02-23T16:12:00.004-05:00

"He said to me I was a tree in a story about a forest, and that it was arrogant of me to believe any differently. And he told me the story of the forest is better than the story of the tree." - A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, p. 198

As the story goes, these words were proverbially whispered into Donald Miller's ear by Victor Frankl. And now they're being whispered into mine. I've heard the adage about not losing the forest for the trees over and again, but I'd never found it as liberating as the whispered words of Frankl.

As a pastor, it seems that I am charged with the cultivation of a small section of the forest. This means sometimes paying extra attention to certain trees at certain times. Yet my ultimate call is to serve the forest. My call is to recount the story of the forest to a bunch of trees, and hope that they can see beyond themselves enough to get excited about the forest which they've been planted in all along. My call is to lead our little section of the forest faithfully, that we may bring glory to the One who created and planted the entire forest.

The metaphor falls apart if I try to take it too much further, as the differences between trees and people become too great, but it seems to work well to illustrate community. As far as I know, trees don't have thoughts, but how silly would it be for a single tree to think the entire forest revolved around it? Or that it could survive without all the other trees? Or without water and sun?

May we live for the Kingdom of God, not our kingdom. And when our kingdom comes crashing down around us, may the Kingdom be made evident in the loving words and works of His church. And may we be so caught up in the magnetic pull of the Kingdom that we forget our kingdom ever existed.

The story of the King and His Kingdom is better than the story of little kingdom that tried to compete.

This Blowhard Preacher

2010-01-13T10:53:00.006-05:00

I have recently begun re-reading Blue Like Jazz in preparation for taking on Donald Miller's latest book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years (which, as I understand, is grounded in the experience/revelation Mr. Miller had through the process of adapting Jazz into a film).

I am re-reading Jazz because it's been about four years since I read it, and I sense that the experience will enhance my reading of A Million Miles. Donald Miller is hilarious. His stream of consciousness seems to lack an edit button, and we as readers are better for it.

Early in the book, Miller is reflecting on how as an aspiring author, he didn't own a television, and didn't watch much of it. It is undignified and shallow for a writer to debase themselves with the stuff of television. But one day, all that changed...

A couple of years ago, however, I visited a church in the suburbs, and there was this blowhard preacher talking about how television rots your brain. He said that when we are watching television our minds are working no harder than when we are sleeping. I thought that sounded heavenly. I bought one that afternoon. (Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz, p. 15.)

Maybe you have to actually be a preacher to find this as funny as I do. But when I read this line Monday morning, the preschoolers and teachers in the building probably thought there was something wrong with me. Or that I was wasting time watching silly YouTube videos again. I was an embodied LOL.

Bearing the message of the Gospel and the Kingdom is serious stuff, but I don't want to take myself too seriously. Blowhard preachers are funny, but not in a good way. At least not if you're the preacher. Thanks for keeping us honest, Don.

New Year's Resolution | Getting Out of My Head

2010-01-11T14:46:00.007-05:00

I never make New Year's resolutions. Usually because I think I'm above that sort of thing. As you know, New Year's resolutions have this reputation of not being helpful. They rarely make it out of January (or so I hear), and the skeptic inside me has wondered: why bother? Well this year, I spontaneously made a resolution. It's practical, measurable and will hopefully preserve my sanity a bit. In 2010, I resolve to spend a half-hour of each of my workdays READING.

This is not reading for sermon or Bible study prep. Just reading. I hope to spend a half-hour a day reading at home as well, but that's not part of the resolution. Thirty minutes a day. Should be doable.

A little background on why this resolution is of particular importance to me in 2010.

It may seem at first counterintuitive, or maybe it will give voice to what you've always suspected or known, but I think that pastors have a tendency to be self-absorbed. We are not all self-absorbed (notice I said "tendency"), but we spend a lot of time with our own thoughts, speaking our interpretations to a (sometimes) captive audience, and we are generally immersed in situations where "faking it" is much easier than seeking the help of others. Many pastors exist in a minefield, and left unchecked, those mines start exploding, leaving the pastor badly injured and their families and churches barraged with shrapnel. But you have probably already heard (or experienced) some of those stories.

Anyway, as I come to the end of my first year in pastoral ministry, I sense a strong need to get outside of my own head each day. I do this by sharing difficult situations with friends, journaling, taking my alloted time off, dancing with my wife and kids, pretending my kitchen is a karaoke bar, composing absurdist limericks, and by reading.

The sermon I preach cannot be the only one I hear each week. I crave the perspective of great thinkers and prophets of ages past and present. I am never tempted to ignore the voices of the musician/poets of the age (as evidenced by my previous two posts), but reading the prophetic words of great novelists, essayists and theologians doesn't come as naturally. It requires more work. It isn't part of my rhythm. It can feel like academic rigor. Plus, I'm pretty good at pretending to be well read.

I need this resolution, and eleven days in, it's going pretty well. I sure hope my resolution makes it past January.

How about you? Any pressing resolutions for you in 2010? Thoughts on the concept of the resolution? Suggestions for good books?

Favorite Music of the Aughts, Overall Top 10

2010-01-04T23:24:00.004-05:00

I listed my top five albums from each year of the decade affectionately known as the aughts, but it's another animal to come up with my overall top 10 of the decade. This has been an arduous, yet enlightening endeavor. And now...on to the sonic sustenance.

10. Bill Mallonee and Vigilantes of Love, Audible Sigh (2000)

As the decade began, I was listening to ska and punk rock almost exclusively. I would never have guessed that by 2002 I would be drawn in by this album. But Marcie and I saw Bill Mallonee play a solo show with Derek Webb and the Normals, and I absolutely fell in love with these songs. It is a nearly perfect country/folk/americana gem. This album taught me the meaning of the word 'resplendent.' Twice.

9. U2, All That You Can't Leave Behind (2000)
I am one of the few stubborn people who think that Pop and Zooropa were actually pretty good albums, but this is the album that put U2 back on top, and made them my favorite band for the first half of the decade. Sure, I've heard "Beautiful Day" a few too many times over the past ten years, but I won't hold that against them. This is both a collection of great singles, and a great album. It also gets points for being one of the albums that my wife also loved this decade. Leave it behind...

8. The Decemberists, The Crane Wife (2006)

Curious fact about The Crane Wife: it was not my favorite album based on a Japanese Folk Tale released in 2006. More on that later. As much as I wanted to, I was unable to give the Decemberists the top spot in any given year. If one would, this would be it. It embodies everything I love about the Decemberists: old-time colloquialisms, an epic three-part suite, great melodies and cautionary tales, all capped off by a beautiful folk sing-along that could be (and is) appreciated even by the legendary Pete Seeger. Hear all the bombs fade away...

7. Johnny Cash, American IV: The Man Comes Around (2002)
"The Man Comes Around" might be the best song Johnny Cash wrote in his illustrious career. What Rick Rubin did for the legendary Cash's career was and continues to be a gift to the world, and this was the best of the bunch. Cash breathed new life into songs like "Hurt" (also the best music video of the decade), "Personal Jesus," and "Desperado." The man Johnny Cash is larger than life, and on American IV the music is stripped down to its barest elements, leaving the singularly authoritative yet comforting voice of Johnny Cash to shine. We'll meet again...

6. The White Stripes, Elephant (2003)
If you are able to somehow resist "Seven Nation Army," check your pulse. The blues/rock duo explosion that is The White Stripes hit full stride (they were always 'in stride') on this album. This album is chock full of great songs, from the whimsical to the profound, with guitar riffs that just won't quit. It's hard to describe what makes The White Stripes so exceptional as a band. Maybe that's precisely why they're so exceptional. I got a fever, and the only prescription is Jack and Meg. Oh girl, you have no faith in medicine...

5. Wilco, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (2002)
It is a testament to the significance of albums 1-4 that this one is not higher than 5. As I think of YHF, my mind is flooded with some of my favorite lines, lyrics and melodies of all time. I'm the man who loves you. I am trying to break your heart. You gotta learn how to die if you wanna wanna be alive. The combination of layered noise and ridiculously catchy hooks makes for pure sonic bliss. This was my first Wilco album, and it has led to the purchase of all the others. I've got reservations about so many things, but not about you...

4. Radiohead, Kid A (2000)
My decade was forever changed by Kid A. In some sense, it ruined me. I was unable to enjoy some of the music I once loved after Kid A. I began expecting more from the music I listened to. When I first started dating Marcie, I would drive from Chicago to West Michigan fairly frequently, and I would listen to this album and question existence as I knew it, Thom Yorke's voice singing "I'm not here. This isn't happening." Was he serious? Have I been in the car too long? I am still unpacking the riches of this album. And I steal its opening lyric for my sermons with regularity. Everything in its right place...

3. Anathallo, Floating World (2006)
This is my favorite album released in 2006 based on a Japanese folktale (see #8). If I hadn't bought Kid A in 2000, I probably would have no interest in Anathallo. Too complex, too difficult too follow, not immediately catchy enough. But sometimes I sense that this is the album I had been searching for ever since hearing Kid A. The beauty that flows from this album is almost too much, beginning with the intricately designed arwork. I'm a decent drummer, but even after 3-4 years, I am still baffled by many of this album's syncopations. I want to skip like a stone from a stronger arm...

2. Sufjan Stevens, Come On Feel the Illinoise! (2005)
The singular genius of Sufjan Stevens is stunning to me. Fans like me suffer from a fear that he will never record another proper studio album, but even if he doesn't, this one will stand the test of time. I never knew the state I grew up in could inspire such songs of beauty and bewilderment. Sufjan weaves personal, geographical and spiritual stories into this album which has become itself a new mythology. It is at once frail and triumphant, simple and endlessly complex, stripped down and layered, distant and personal. I fell in love again. All things go...

1. Arcade Fire, Neon Bible (2007)
Right up until about two weeks ago, I thought Illinois would be #1. But then I realized something. For me, listening to Neon Bible is an event that consumes me. Unlike Illinois, I cannot use this as background music. It demands my full attention at each listen, and with each listen, such attention is rewarded. Almost everyone considers Funeral to be the superior Arcade Fire album, and "everyone" might be right, but Neon Bible connects deep to my spirit in a way that no other album does. "Intervention" has left me in tears on more than one occasion. "The Well and the Lighthouse" gives me chills. I can't avoid using the term prophetic to describe this album drenched in skepticism, truth, life and hope. The lions and the lambs ain't sleeping yet...

Favorite Music of the Aughts, Year By Year

2010-01-04T21:52:00.006-05:00

This has been a great decade for music. The way I listen has been turned upside down. My tastes have shifted significantly over the years. As I look back on the decade, I find that my life has been enriched by these albums, and they have provided the soundtrack for some of the greatest moments in my life. The journey of discovering new music is in many ways a spiritual journey. These great artists put word and melody to the questions, aches, celebrations and absurdities of being human.

My relationship with these songs and albums and artists is always shifting, so this is only a snapshot. All of my year end lists from previous years have changed, and a year from now, they will likely change again. This ebb and flow is to me a beautiful thing.

These are the five albums from each year of this great decade (affectionately known as "the aughts") that resonate with me most (for now):

2000

Radiohead, Kid A
U2, All That You Can't Leave Behind
Bill Mallonee, Audible Sigh
Pedro the Lion, Winners Never Quit
Coldplay, Parachutes

2001

Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American
Radiohead, Amnesiac
Bob Dylan, Love and Theft
The White Stripes, White Blood Cells
Explosions in the Sky, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Die, Those Who Tell the Truth Shall Live Forever

2002

Wilco, Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
Johnny Cash, American IV: The Man Comes Around
Sigur Ros, ()
The Flaming Lips, Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Blindside, Silence

2003

The White Stripes, Elephant
Death Cab for Cutie, Transatlanticism
Sufjan Stevens, Greetings from Michigan
Radiohead, Hail to the Thief
Over the Rhine, Ohio

2004

Arcade Fire, Funeral
Wilco, A Ghost is Born
mewithoutYou, Catch For Us the Foxes
Sufjan Stevens, Seven Swans
Loretta Lynn, Van Lear Rose

2005

Sufjan Stevens, Come On, Feel the Illinoise!
The White Stripes, Get Behind Me, Satan
Bright Eyes, I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
David Crowder Band, A Collision (or 3 + 4 = 7)
Iron & Wine, Our Endless Numbered Days

2006

Anathallo, Floating World
The Decemberists, The Crane Wife
Sleeping at Last, Keep No Score
Josh Ritter, The Animal Years
Over the Rhine, Snow Angel

2007

Arcade Fire, Neon Bible
Wilco, Sky Blue Sky
Radiohead, In Rainbows
Andrew Bird, Armchair Apocrypha
The National, Boxer

2008

Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes
She & Him, Volume 1
Anathallo, Canopy Glow
Bon Iver, For Emma, Forever Ago
The Tallest Man on Earth, Shallow Grave

2009 (with microblog descriptions)

The Low Anthem, Oh My God, Charlie Darwin - "Charlie Darwin" is bar none the most beautiful song I heard this year. Endlessly intriguing, gorgeous songs.
The Avett Brothers, I and Love and You - Tempted to put this at number one. Maybe I didn't because it's too perfect. I'm a sucker for the Rick Rubin touch.
The Decemberists, The Hazards of Love - Epic. Beautiful. Disturbing. Tragic. Hopeful. Words true of every Decemberists album, but especially this one.
The Mountain Goats, The Life of the World to Come - Makes me wish I had gotten into The Mountain Goats earlier. John Darnielle is a brilliant lyricist.
Wilco, Wilco (the album) - Another great album from one of our nation's greatest bands. Wilco will love you, baby.
Sufjan Stevens, The BQE - I don't have much to compare this to, since I don't listen to many symphonies, but Sufjan's essay alone is worth the $15.
David Bazan, Curse Your Branches - The former Pedro the Lion frontman has committed his deepest questions to song, and it feels tragically sacred.
Andrew Bird, Noble Beast - Andrew, I could listen to you whistle all day...
Phoenix, Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix - Disappointed at first, but when I crank up the volume and dance, I realize this is great pop music.
U2, No Line On the Horizon - "Moment of Surrender" saves this album for me. I sense that they need to pare back their sound on the next one.
M. Ward, Hold Time - M. Ward is remarkably consistent as a songwriter, arranger and producer. His music seems to transcend time and space.
The Swell Season, Strict Joy - "Man" and "woman" from the film Once fall in love (in real life), break up (also in real life), and write songs about it.
Patrick Watson, Wooden Arms - Lush orchestration, inventive percussion, and a song about "Where the Wild Things Are." Need anything else?
Sleeping at Last, Storyboards - Another solid album from one of my favorite bands, but I haven't connected with it like past albums.
Animal Collective, Merriweather Post Pavillion - I've tried to get into AnCo, but I just can't quite get there. This is the best AnCo I've heard, though.

Lingonberries

2009-08-27T11:46:00.004-04:00

Swedish-Americans can be annoying in their Swedish pride. Depending on what part of the USA in which you reside, you may be painfully aware of this fact, or blissfully ignorant. I know it well, being of this heritage myself. And though I agree that it can be annoying, I contribute to it. In fact, this is the coffee mug I drink from at work, inherited from my desperately Swede-centric Uncle Bryce:-)

But I am a black sheep in the Swedish-American community. Is it because I married a Danish-American? No. I like to think the Scandinavian-Americans are past these silly divisions, though I'm probably wrong.

No, I am guilty of something far drastic, something that is personally and morally reprehensible in the eyes of many. Are you ready for it?

I don't put lingonberries on my Swedish pancakes. There. I said it. True confession.

Now you may be thinking, "what's the big deal? The man's entitled to his own taste, right?"

Wrong.

A bit of background: Lingonberries are tiny, red berries, probably most closely related to the cranberry. When stewed into a jam-like sauce, it is a truly beautiful thing, and a unique contribution from the Scandinavians. In the minds of most, this berry confection is a perfect complement to a heaping helping of Swedish pancakes, a wonderfully ethnocentric breakfast, hopefully served on a blue and white porcelain plate.

My refusal to put lingonberries on my Swedish pancakes is not because I dislike the magic red sauce. I love lingonberries. I repeat:

I love lingonberries.

But, I also love Swedish pancakes. I mean, I love Swedish pancakes. It's really not healthy. I am a ruthless and irrational defender of the goodness of the greatest breakfast food on the planet. And this is why I cannot bear to cover them in lingonberries. Lingonberries are wonderful, but they are powerful, and when slathered upon the culinary perfection of a Swedish pancake, they overwhelm its scintillating flavors. I find a simple coat of butter to draw out the natural goodness of the pancake better than lingonberries.

Swedish pancakes need no savior, and so I eat them with butter only.

And I save the lingonberries for those foods which are in need of redemption: whole wheat toast, rye toast, biscuits, and when I'm really in an international mood, an English muffin.

So if you're ever in Rockford, IL, and find your taste buds craving the sort of salvation that only comes through Scandinavian cuisine, do yourself a favor and stop by the Stockholm Inn.

And I suppose you can make your own decision about the lingonberries.

Shared Pregnancy - Labor Of Love (LOL) 5K Walk/Run

2009-08-05T10:17:00.002-04:00

Run with me, or walk if you prefer. Help set up, hand out water, or cheer for runners. It's for the kids, you know? No better way to spend the Saturday of Labor Day weekend.

Shared Pregnancy - Labor Of Love (LOL) 5K Walk/Run

Shared via AddThis

Family of Four

2009-07-26T17:51:00.008-04:00

Welcome to our world, Hosea. Welcome to our world.

Our beautiful children, Addison and Hosea.

The new family of four.

That's a good lookin' boy right there.

We are enjoying our new life as a family of four with all its adjustments and compromises and joys. It hasn't been quite as earth-shatteringly different as it was when Addison was born, but there is definitely a new vibe in the Gates house. And I like it.

Tomorrow, Hosea will be three weeks old, and, as they say, "it's already hard to imagine life without him."

HOSEA! (And a "Streaky" Blogger)

2009-07-21T10:41:00.004-04:00

First off, the Gates family is now a family of four! Hosea Daniel Thomas Gates was born at 2:48pm on Monday, July 6. He was 8 lb. even, and 21 1/2 inches long. Pictures are forthcoming. For now, let's just say we love him lots. And lots.

In baseball, there are a lot of people who are characterized as "streaky" hitters. They look like MVP's for a few weeks, and look like career minor-leaguers the next.

In my own blogging, I am very streaky. As the circumstances of my life change, my blogging frequency ebbs and flows. Since I've started full-time ministry again, with weekly sermon writing, pastoral visits, and a whole list of other things, I haven't felt the need to blog so much.

But, as you can tell, I'm blogging today, and I feel like there will be more to come soon. So be ye forewarned. Grace and peace, my friends.

This New Life

2009-02-12T09:09:00.006-05:00

Though I started in the office on Monday, my first official function as pastor of Bretton Woods Covenant Church was attending the Covenant Midwinter Conference, the annual denominational gathering of the pastors and missionaries of the Evangelical Covenant Church. It is difficult to describe how it felt to walk around with a nametag that read "Bretton Woods Covenant Church, Lansing, MI." It was great to sit once more under the teachings of my former professor, Klyne Snodgrass, to participate in workshops with John Wenrich, Al Tizon and Wayne Gordon, and to hear a powerful message from Gary Haugen. It was an invigorating experience, yet a bit of a whirlwind. I was reminded again and again of the centrality of the word of God, a truth that comes alive as I sit in the office this week preparing to proclaim the word.

So beginning in my first call to pastoral ministry is like settling into a new life. It's a life God and I have been preparing for a long time, but it is now a reality. This feels like a transition from 'student' to 'pastor', but I know I won't be a very good pastor unless I remain a student. I am a student of Scripture, a student of peoples' lives, a student of the city of Lansing, etc. There's something to all that 'lifelong learning' talk I've heard.

Though it is only my fourth day, I have to say I am encouraged. I am excited about the ministry at Bretton Woods, and I love all it entails: visiting the sick, crafting sermons, envisioning God's ministry for the church, and loving people from all different walks of life who are united in the power of the gospel.

I know there will be less encouraging times when I'll have to recall this vitality, when I'll struggle to believe it. But I thank God for this day, and for all the wonderful people who've made these first stages of transition so smooth.

Hope and Prophetic Imagination

2009-01-29T11:54:00.004-05:00

Since 'hope' has become a bit of a buzz word in this world in which we live, I was struck by these words on the subject from Walter Brueggemann's The Prophetic Imagination. He is basically looking at what the Old Testamen prophets, in the tradition of Moses, have to offer those of us seeking to be a prophetic voice today. For Brueggemann, true hope is truly subversive to the status quo. Okay, onto the quote:

Speech about hope cannot be explanatory and scientifically argumentative; rather, it must be lyrical in the sense that it touches the hopeless person at many different points. More than that, however, speech about hope must be primally theological, which is to say that it must be in the language of covenant between a personal God and a community. Promise belongs to the world of trusting speech and faithful listening. It will not be reduced to the "cool" language of philosophy or the private discourse of psychology. It will finally be about God and us, about his faithfulness that vetoes our faithlessness. Those who would be prophetic need to embrace that absurd practice and that subversive activity. (p. 65, italics mine)

Into what and whom do we place our hope? Brueggemann insists that hope grows in the most unlikely places, places of exile and anguish, and it can only come from the one who stands in freedom from the restraints of the cosmos, the Lord God Almighty. It's a beautiful thing.

I'm a Pastor!

2009-01-26T14:20:00.008-05:00

As of about an hour ago, I am officially the Pastor of Bretton Woods Covenant Church in Lansing, MI. My first day in the office will be Monday, February 9 and my first Sunday will be February 15. It's incredible. Marcie and I (and a whole lot of our friends and family) have been praying for this moment for years, and now it's here. It's surreal, it's exciting, and it's sacred. I can't wait to get started. So my days as a stay at home dad are numbered, and I will enjoy them to the best of my ability.

It's truly humbling to be living into this call, a call which I first sensed a little more than 10 years ago and now am able to realize as the pastor of this wonderful little church in Lansing. I'd refer you to the website, but it's not currently functional. I think the pastor should get to fixing that right away.

So thank you to all who pray for us. We sense that God has made this happen, and we know many of you have prayed for just that. We look forward to life in Lansing, and thank God that it's only an hour away from where we live now.

Now it is with great enthusiasm that I now say "Go Lugnuts!" (the single-A baseball team in Lansing), and with slightly less enthusiasm, yet endless respect for Tom Izzo, I say "Go Spartans?!?" I'll have to work on that.

Washington Adventures

2009-01-14T22:35:00.008-05:00

We had a great time in Washington this weekend. It was an adventure: flooding, an overcrowded Motel 6 in Centralia, Bob almost stuck in Portland, the Country Cousin, Vis almost stuck in Portland, the bowling alley u-turn debacle, Devyn and Ryan getting married...the list goes on. And it was all a blast. Here are some pics to highlight the adventure. We flew in on Thursday morning, and arrived in Seattle at about 11am Pacific time. We decided to spend the day there before heading down to Centralia (and the floods). We did fairly typical touristy stuff, since it was our first time in Seattle.

We went up in the space needle, and this is what we saw...

...and this...

...and of course, the tip of the needle itself (taken from within the needle's observatory deck)...

...and a helicopter took off down below.

Very nice. After the needle, we headed down to Pike's Place Market...fish, fruit, various locally produced goods. It was cool. Touristy, but not in a bad way.

If I could kiss an ugly fish every day, I would...

...I'll consider rotating this picture someday, but for now, you're gonna have to sit sideways.

We went to Tumwater Falls on Friday. We couldn't get into the park itself because of all the flooding, but we were able to observe. Check out this current. I wouldn't want to fall in, that's for sure.

Once again, please sit sideways.

And alas, there was a wedding. I was honored to be part of the ceremony, and all my ushering practice paid off. I think I did a spot on job, and I even got to seat the mother of the groom. Take that, groomsmen!

The whole motley crue.

The happy couple.

Me and the Vis.

...the other happy couple.

We had a blast, but we were ready to get home to Addison. Almost four days without her was enough.

And if you're ever in Centralia, WA, be sure to stop at the Country Cousin, and ask about the oil painting of Burt Reynolds. It's a doozy.

Headed to Washington

2009-01-07T22:40:00.004-05:00

Marcie and I will be in Washington (the state, not the district) for the next few days. First to Seattle, then to Centralia. Our dear friends Ryan and Devyn will be wed there on Saturday, and I will be an usher. I take my role very seriously, and have been practicing at local restaurants. Aside from a few awkward glances and that one guy who punched me in the face, people seem to be satisfied with my ushering skillz (yes, that's skillz, not skills). Maybe I can get some more practice in at the airports on the way...

And for those who take listmaking as seriously as I, there was a glaring omission on my top albums list. I mistakenly omitted the wonderful album "Parc Avenue" by a band called Plants & Animals from the list. I would put it at number eight. There, I feel better now.

Lately I've been spending a lot of time with Addison, enjoying reading Walter Brueggemann's classic "The Prophetic Imagination," and working toward preparing a sermon on 1 Corinthians 3. The peace of Christ be with you all.

My Favorite Albums | 2008

2009-01-03T00:26:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year! It's 2009, and it's a perfect time to think back on 2008. One of my favorite things to do every year is to look back at the great new music I discovered each year. '08 was an eventful year and a good one (for a lot of reasons), and these albums provided a good hunk of my soundtrack for the year that will be remembered as ought eight.

14-15 - The Best Albums that were released in 2008 but don't really count as '08 albums having been disqualified due to various and obvious violations of common law qualifications for a 2008 Album:

15. Colin Meloy - Colin Meloy Sings LIVE! - Released in '08, but recorded live in '06, before Meloy's band, the Decemberists released their masterpiece "The Crane Wife." It's too old and too 'live' to count in a list of 2008 albums, but it's wonderful; the work of a master songsmith stripped down to naught but his sweet guitar and articulate vocals.

14. Danielson - Trying Hartz - This two disc, career spanning collection of material from the Danielson Famile, Brother Danielson and DanielsonShip is a must own for silly people like me who've been meaning to "get into" Danielson for years, but didn't know where to start. There's no new material here, but there is some previously unreleased live stuff, I believe.

1-13 - The 2008 albums which qualify as legitimate 2008 albums which I listened to, liked, and ranked in order based on how much I liked them:

13. My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges - MMJ is a good rock and roll band. I really liked their 2006 release, "Z," and this was a worthy follow up.

12. The Submarines - Honeysuckle Weeks - This duo sings that song from the iPod commercial: "Every day we wake up, choose love, choose light..." The album is catchy, quirky and interesting. It's a perfect album for a sunny day.

11. The Bridges - Limits of the Sky - Everybody knows I'm a sucker for family bands: The Partridge Family (ha!), The Danielson Famile, Hanson (LOL), The Jonas Brothers (tee-hee), Chevelle, etc. The Bridges rise above 'family as gimmick' and just make good music. It's Americana/Folk/Pop done right.

10. Beck - Modern Guilt - When I heard that Beck was collaborating with DJ Danger Mouse on this release, I figured it would be absolutely 'off the chain.' I was a bit underwhelmed by the results. It's a solid album, for sure, but I expected more. Maybe it'll grow on me in 2009.

9. Conor Oberst - Conor Oberst - I was underwhelmed by this one as well. It's not as consistent as his best efforts ("Lifted..." and "I'm Wide Awake..."), but there are certainly some gems, like "Lenders in the Temple." It's hard when someone's set the bar so high for themselves.

8. The Hold Steady - Stay Positive - Straight up down and dirty rock n' roll out of Minnesota's twin cities. Somehow, the lyrical style reminds me of David Bazan (Pedro the Lion), though the music is far different. The Hold Steady are just great rock n' roll storytellers.

7. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs - I love how Death Cab continues to stretch themselves artistically even after achieving ridiculous amounts of critical and financial success. These guys are doing something right. If it weren't for the lame mathematical metaphor of "Long Division," this album may have been a notch higher on the list.

6. She & Him - Volume 1 - Thanks to Paste Magazine for picking this #1 and reminding me that M. Ward did something this year. His "Post-War" album is one of my favorite of the past few years, and this collaboration with actress/singer/songwriter Zooey Deschanel seems a perfect match. This album goes down easy, and I mean that as a compliment.

5. Sigur Ros - Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust - This album actually dropped down my list as the year went on. After the first few listens, I was convinced it was one of my favorite albums of all time, let alone 2008. I was taken aback by how different it was from previous albums, and I loved it. Yet as I get used to "new" Sigur Ros, I still like it, but I remember 'old' Sigur Ros with greater affection. I have to be honest; I'll probably like anything they put out. They're simply great.

4. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago - Possibly the most hyped album of 2008 by the indie crowd, and with good reason. It's a great album. It brings together two of my favorite genres, folk and atmospheric indie rock, in a way I've never heard. It could well be the quintessential 'winter' album. I'm not sure what that means, but it feels true to me when I listen to it this winter.

3. The Tallest Man on Earth - Shallow Grave - He's from Sweden, and he's called The Tallest Man on Earth. Being a 6'9" Swedish-American, it seems that there must be some cosmic forces drawing me to listen to his music. Whatever the role of the cosmos in the process, I absolutely love this album. I'm fairly certain that I will be able to listen to it hundreds of times without tiring of it, as there will always be another metaphor to unpack or a turn of phrase to deconstruct. He's an old-school finger picker on both guitar and banjo, and he sings with conviction.

2. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes - "White Winter Hymnal" is my daughter's new favorite song...brilliant. It's odd to hear my 2 year old singing about little heads falling in the snow, but it's cool. This album is incredible. It gets better with every listen. It's as smooth as butter, obviously influenced by Brian Wilson yet utterly creative. This album somehow seems to equally embody all four seasons, as though it could have come from a California summer, autumn in Tennessee or a Siberian winter just as easily as rainy Seattle (from whence it actually did come). It's accessible, too. Case in point: my mom was riding in the car with us this week as we listened to this album. We only got through the album's first three songs (we listened to "White Winter Hymnal" about 7 times, per Addison's request), but when we arrived at a bookstore, she bought the album. My mom bought it. It's that good.

1. Anathallo - Canopy Glow - Not everyone loves Anathallo as much as I do, but for some reason, they are a band in tune with my soul. This album is great from the first note to the last. I didn't really think they could top their 2006 epic "Floating World," but I think they did. The album is focused and tight, and the melodies are gorgeous. "All The First Pages" is my favorite song of 2008, and "Italo" is my daughter's runner up to Fleet Foxes' "White Winter Hymnal." I hope Anathallo is able to continue to make music for a very long time. I will listen. Yes, I will listen again and again.
~
Thanks to all the artists who continue to make great music year in and year out. I certainly do appreciate it, and I know that somehow the world is better for it. It is good for humans, created in God's image, to create beautiful things for our brothers and sisters to enjoy. So enjoy the list, and I hope, the music.

Following Jesus in a Culture of Fear

2008-12-26T22:59:00.004-05:00

I got a chance to briefly meet and hear papers from some wonderful scholars at the Symposium on the Theological Interpretation of Scripture held at North Park Theological Seminary early this fall. The theme of the symposium was "The Idolatry of Security." Different presenters took the topic in different directions, some focusing on national security, others on personal security, and still others on eschatological security. I found Scott Bader-Saye from the University of Scranton to be particularly engaging. Ironically, Bader-Saye presented on a Thursday night, causing me to miss my weekly viewing of a new episode of The Office (which takes place in Scranton, PA).

Well, now that I'm done with seminary, I have finally been able to dig into Bader-Saye's 2007 book from the Christian Practice of Everyday Life series, Following Jesus in a Culture of Fear. Bader-Saye does a remarkable job of maintaining balance in his treatment of a very touchy subject. He manages to look at fear from many angles without losing focus on the primary goal, which is to help his readers "...live into the joyful freedom of those children of God who have learned to put fear in its place."

Bader-Saye argues that fear is the shadow side of love; all fear is somewhere rooted in a love for something or someone. So in a sense, in order to squelch all fear, we would have to squelch all love. Most of us can agree that this is a bad idea. Following the wisdom of Aquinas, Bader-Saye urges us not to become fearless, but to make sure our fears are rightly ordered. We must question whether our fears are imminent, powerful, threating, and legitimate. We need to question whether we're overrreacting to the objects of our fear. Are we lashing out, closing up, and losing the joy of life? Are we opening ourselves up to manipulation?

Our fears can be properly ordered when understood within the right narrative, and when they don't paralyze us from doing good. Bader-Saye suggests three virtuous practices to help us properly order our fears: hospitality, peacemaking and generosity. All three of these ask us to risk, and all three of these can be potential threats to our security, but all three of these help us to truly preserve the love which our fearful instincts fight so hard to protect.

I've laid out some of the nuts and bolts, but it must be noted that Bader-Saye writes in a very engaging way, using plenty of examples from pop culture and stories from real life to narrate his points. He quotes lyrics from U2, Dashboard Confessional, Bruce Springsteen and Tim McGraw, analyzes films like the Star Wars saga and Pieces of April, and engages the literature of Elie Wiesel and C. S. Lewis. And of course he deals throughout with the political landscape and its relentless use of fear as a motivational tool to mobilize Americans on the right and left.

Bader-Saye deals with the doctrine of Providence, a doctrine largely (and sadly) forgotten outside of the Reformed tradition and sadly distorted in the great injustices of Manifest Destiny, etc. Yet the author insists that the providence of God is precisely what we must trust if we are to put fear in its place. He writes, "Providence is the conviction that through it all God's story cannot be lost, and thus God's hopes for the human story cannot be thwarted."

I think he's on to something. So buy it, read it, and have your friends read it so you can discuss it and together change the world.

Jesus is My Friend

2008-12-22T08:58:00.003-05:00

Many of you have probably already seen this by now, but I wanted to post it for those who haven't yet. I'll refrain from sharing my thoughts about it for now. Comments seem unnecessary when it comes to this gem.

Confessions of a Stay at Home Dad

2008-12-18T12:00:00.005-05:00

Mark my words: being a stay at home dad is harder than seminary. It's wonderful to able to spend so much time with Addison. It's an absolute joy. But it is not easy to be constantly in demand. Sure, it's flattering to have a beautiful girl asking me to play with her (cards, toys, blocks, movies, games, fort-building, etc.) all day long, but when I'm trying to clean and cook and run errands and relax all at the same time, it becomes a bit overwhelming. I think I'll settle into a pattern, but I haven't yet.

So here's a huge thank you to all the stay at home parents of this world, and a huge apology to all of you who have been told that you "don't work" because you're a stay at home parent. You work.

I know being a pastor is a high demand position, but it's nothing compared to raising a two-year old.

And it's so rewarding. Crazy rewarding. I love you Addison!

Ends and Beginnings and Celebrations and Et Ceteras

2008-12-14T17:33:00.007-05:00

Okay, so I haven't been around the last couple weeks.

I know.

I've missed you too.

I simply had a hard time justifying spending time writing things that were not my last few assignments for seminary. And now they're done. They're all done. What a time of life, right? Marcie and I are going to have another child in July-ish, I'm done with seminary, and I'll be a pastor at a church sometime (hopefully) soon. It's been crazy ,but here are a few things I've been thankful for in the past couple weeks:

A Very Rosie Christmas Concert - On Friday night, Dec. 5, Marcie and I went to the Rosie Thomas Christmas concert hosted by Calvin College at the Ladies Literary Club in downtown Grand Rapids. It was fun, and one of those shows that both Marcie and I can enjoy in equal measure. Rosie is ridiculous, hilarious, utterly unpretentious, and her singing voice is simply beautiful. Rosie T is a paradox, and I think that's why I like her so much. Also it was most excellent to hang out with the Zabel's.
Call + Response - The very next night, we went to see Call + Response, a rockumentary about human trafficking and the contemporary slave trade. Cornell West's insight into slave music and The Scrolls' performance of Radiohead's "Exit Music (For a Film)" were highlights of the film for me. Some of it was really hard to hear, but it was well worth the watch. Kudos to Justin Dillon for taking on the project.
My Seminary Friends - I won't necessarily miss the drive, but I'll miss the people. I'm pretty confident we'll see each other around, but with a lot less regularity.
My Last Night on Earth (or, rather, in Chicago) - A small gathering of my aforementioned seminary friends went to the Chicago Ale House for dinner on Tuesday night to celebrate my last night in Chicago, my last night on campus as a North Park Seminary student. It was nice to just sit back and enjoy the moment, even though all of us had large assignments and finals looming over our heads. Also, mad props to Tommy for giving us a discount.
The Corner Landing - There's a little place in Ionia, MI that serves all you can eat prime rib on Thursday nights, and it's called the Corner Landing. Marcie asked if I wanted to meet her parents out there for dinner Thursday night. I still had a paper to finish, so I was hesitant, but the reality is that I will do anything for prime rib. When we got there, I found out that it was a surprise party for me! There was a whole mess of family there, and they had balloons, cards, presents and many congratulations for me. I'm so lucky to have a wife who does those sorts of things for me. Also, my father-in-law gave a toast that brought me to tears. It was good.
Marcie's birthday - Marcie had a birthday on Friday, and Addison and I had a blast getting ready for it: buying presents, wrapping presents, baking a cake and practicing singing "Happy Birthday" with the guitar. Unfortunately Marcie wasn't feeling very well, so it was pretty "chill." Thankfully, the first trimester is almost over, and with it (hopefully) the nausea.

Over the last month or so, I've been reminded over and over of some words from the (only) hit song by Semisonic, "Closing Time." The lyric is, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." It rings true in so many ways in my life right now, as I grieve some ends whilst (yes, whilst) anticipating new beginnings with great joy.

In the meantime, I'm just trying to take it all in.

Three Become Four

2008-11-27T22:02:00.008-05:00

We announced it to our families around the table today, so I might as well announce to the world ("the world" being defined as you who read this blog) that Marcie and I are expecting our second child!

Marcie's due on July 6, and in case you're wondering, we won't find out the gender or tell anybody the names we've picked until after the birth. We're just jerks like that.

So needless to say, we're stoked.

But I feel like it would be an injustice to give this joyous proclamation without remembering what happened before. On August 8, 2008, Marcie lost a baby six weeks into the pregnancy. Six weeks is a short time, but it's enough time to get hopes and expectations up, and more importantly, it's enough time to create human life. It's been difficult to deal with miscarriage. It's not something people seem to talk much about, and therefore dealing with it can be a very lonely thing. Dealing with it alone isn't the best thing for us or for the dignity of this child, but it's been hard to navigate just how public we want to be. We are grateful for the loving support of our families and a few close friends throughout the past few months. Losing a child, no matter how far along, is heartbreaking. And thankfully the grace of a loving God comforts us in our grief, loves us in our anger, and heals us in our brokenness.

So we celebrate and give thanks for this healthy child growing inside Marcie, who's 8/9 weeks along already, but we also honor the life of this child we thought we would have in March. We remember our friends and family members who have been lost at any age, but specifically through miscarriage or at infancy. And we pray that God will be with all four of us as we continue on, this time with a little less naivete and a little more gratitude.

It is with overflowingly grateful hearts that we announce that we're going to be parents again. We are grateful for this new life, for our lives, and for all life. And for all of you who will do so, we thank you in advance for your prayers.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)

MWE3 | 10 Years

2008-11-27T20:48:00.006-05:00

Please pardon me while I reminisce...

It was Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, and there were nearly a hundred people crammed into the lobby of a community center in Belvidere, IL. The year was 1998, and the unmistakeable sound of ska was in the air. Appendages flailed about in attempt to master the fine art of "skanking," the shrill cries of a threefold horn section pierced the hearts of many, and a revolution had begun. MWE3 played their first show, and Quality Swedish Forest City Fruit Loop Ska was born.

For those of you who don't know, (which is probably most of you) I was the primary vocalist and lyricist for a ska band called MWE3 from Black Friday of 1998 until our last show on May 24, 2000.

It is nearly unfathomable to think that it all started 10 years ago. I was 16, a Jr. at Jefferson High School in Rockford, IL. I had recently discontinued my basketball career, and the possibility of forming a band grew out of a small group I was part of at the time. There had been a long, distinguished list of horn players with a penchant for ska music to come out of First Covenant Church, so the air was abuzz, but the initiative of a few of us dedicated folks led us to finally pursue the dream. I'm infinitely glad that we did.

With much effort, we were eventually able to wrestle together a complete band, and thanks to the artistic vision of Carson Fry and Chris Willey, we were able to come up with a really cool logo, and then a band name with which to turn our cool logo into an acronym (Men Walking Eternally with the Trinity).

MWE3 was and will forever be:

David Blomgren_Sax/Circus Peanuts
Jacob Eisele_Guitar/Bass/Rebellion
David Frisk_Trumpet/Access
Andrew Gates_Vox/Height
Ryan Johnson_Trombone/Da Bears
Justen Kirkland_Drums/Aquatic Sounds
Matt Moore_Guitar/Bass/Rawk
Also featuring:
Justin Johnson, Justin Dickerman and Joshua Havens_Faithful Fill-ins/Tiny Dancers

And I say all this not just to indulge myself in nostalgia, but to remember that this was the context in which I first felt like God was using me for the purposes of his kingdom. This was the place where my call to ministry first took shape, and my first attempt to really do ministry in my community. We didn't take ourselves seriously, and sometimes we didn't take the music seriously enough, but we had fun. We played like mad whether it was for four people or four-hundred (an accurate spread, actually). We prayed for the people who listened to us, we prayed for each other, and we prayed in song.

The memories make me grieve how serious I've become. There was a very pure freedom about those days in my life, and I'm unsure if I'm capable of that sort of freedom anymore. I've learned a lot in the last ten years. I've grown up a lot, becoming a husband and father; and in two weeks a seminary grad. I've grown a lot, but as I remember MWE3, I can't help but grieve the loss of a great deal of innocence and naivete in my life. Many days I miss it, though I thank God for who I've become and who He's placed in my life. Perhaps these lyrics capture the tension best:

I wish I could be Peter Pan
I'd fly away to Never-Neverland
Tinker would sprinkle me with dust
And my bones wouldn't grow old and rust
I wish I could be Peter Pan
And wouldn't deal with growing older
And life would be much simpler
But Peter Pan's not who I am

MWE3_Peter Pan

I'm not sure if bones can actually rust, but give me a break; I was sixteen.

Gentlemen, if you're reading this, I love you and I miss you...

And don't die in my Dunkin' Donuts.

Anathallo | Canopy Glow

2008-11-21T17:09:00.003-05:00

Anathallo is one of my five favorite bands. They're in elite company with Sufjan, Radiohead, Wilco and either Sigur Ros or the Decemberists. Canopy Glow is their second full-length album, a follow up to my favorite album of 2006, Floating World. Though the album artwork doesn't compare, the music is just as moving and innovative, and perhaps even better for its concerted focus on the songs. Whereas the subtext, the Japanese folktale Hanasakajiji occasionally overwhelmed the individual songs on Floating World, on Canopy Glow, the songs simply breathe and speak for themselves.

And they speak volumes. I have yet to analyze the lyrics in depth, but the melodies, song structures and musical flow of this album are a force to be reckoned with. The backing vocals of lone female band member Erica Forman are brought into the lead at times, and brilliantly complement the complex tenor of lead vocalist Matt Joynt. As always, the percussion patterns are difficult to master (as I've learned trying to drum along on my steering wheel), the textured sound is woven together like a fine Persian rug (I'm an expert at simile), and yet the melodies are catchy enough to spark the interest of a two-year old (my daughter can't get enough of the opening lines of "Italo"). Also, "All the First Pages" may be my new favorite song. I've listened to it over a dozen times at this point, and each time I feel like I'm going to have a seizure as the music somehow threatens to deconstruct my physical existence.

So consider this a recommendation. But I'm not the only one recommending it. Buy it at your local indie record store or buy it straight from the band's website (here). Do it. Do it. Do it.

First Funeral

2008-11-21T16:38:00.004-05:00

This past Tuesday, I conducted my first ever funeral service. I knew Alice Mae Kinney since I was a little kid. She was my mom's best friend's mom, and she lived 85 years. It was an honor to be able to conduct the service.

It was a time for lament and grieving, and it was a time to witness to the resurrection of Christ. It was a reminder that death doesn't win. I had a lot of adrenaline coursing through my system that morning, as these are weighty matters, but I felt God's presence with me, and that's just what I needed. I pray that God will continue to bring comfort and peace to her family and friends.

You're Never Too Old to Rock

2008-11-15T12:59:00.005-05:00

The title of this post is the tagline to the film Young @ Heart.

The Young at Heart chorus is brilliant, the film is brilliant, and it's not just because a chorus of 80 year olds get on a stage and sing songs by Sonic Youth, the Talking Heads and the Clash (though that's a plus). This documentary, and the Young at Heart chorus which it follows throughout, is a picture of life in aging. We so often speak of aging alongside death, and death is a reality in this film, but aging also offers life. It offers life to these octogenarians, and it offers life to twenty-somethings like me who watch the film and are reminded that life can be truly joyful, simply because it is life.

This is the best film I've seen about community since Lars and the Real Girl, and it is encouraging for someone like me, soon to become pastor to people of all ages. Young at Heart reminds me that people do not always fit well into the boxes we shove them into. It also reminds me that people who have shoved themselves into boxes can step out and find great meaning.

Yet it's a bit absurd. These folks don't listen to Coldplay and Alan Touissant, but their director does, and he knows that this choir can do great things with their songs. Are these people "cooler" because they sing "cool" songs? I think the answer is no, but that is what it has taken for folks like me to give them a chance. How absurd is it to say that I love this choir of 70-, 80- and 90-somethings because they have "indie cred"?

Really absurd, but if they didn't, I would never have heard them. It's a good reminder that I'm am pretentious and ridiculous.

And I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this film is sad, and heartwrenchingly so. But it deserves a look. And in case you've never heard the Young at Heart chorus, here's a taste of one of their tame moments:

Emotions Matter

2008-11-11T14:58:00.010-05:00

In the times leading up to and immediately after a political election, emotions swirl about at every turn. Conversations seem more heated, people seem on edge, and in many cases, we show sides of ourselves normally kept under wraps. People who normally seem diplomatic, passive, or even spineless are suddenly revealed to be aggressive and emotionally invested.

[Below see me exhibiting emotion...with a massive beard.]

I've found that being attentive in these times is a valuable practice. We may feel awkward because of the heightened emotion, but we also experience ourselves and others in different and perhaps more authentic ways. A common mantra of the last week has been one of relief: I'm sure glad the election's over. I'm sure glad the election's over. I'm sure glad the election's over. But is this because after fulfilling our civic duties, we give ourselves permission to just go to sleep?
Perhaps we need to hold onto some of our election time passion. Now I admit that some turn completely pompous at election time. Some use it as an excuse to pick fights and sling mud around. I'm not advocating for these things.

What I do advocate for something particular which comes out of a climate in which we cannot help but feel something. Even the most raging of moderates have strong emotional responses either for or against the grossly exaggerated political language of election time and the reality is that citizens actually have something concrete to offer the process and the conversation. The combination of "state of emergency" rhetoric and an empowered people is explosive.

What I'm trying to do right now, and what I hope we will do together as a community and in the church, is to pay attention to those strong emotions we felt during this election. What made our blood boil? I think it's hugely important to talk through these things, because they say a lot about who we are as a person. Those things that hit our gut say more about our identity than the processed logic that often ends up coming out of our mouths after we've toned it down. What made your heart soar? What made you want to throw stuff at your TV?

Do we have safe places where we can be honest about these emotional responses? I'm not talking about places where everyone agrees with us, either. We need people willing to offer alternative interpretations of our emotional responses. If we do, I think we'll find that our common humanity is more common than we realize. Look behind our dogmatic interpretations and allegiances to the parties and the issues, and we find that we all have histories, relationships and experiences that made us who we are.

And in identifying the history and the experience which has made us so passionate, we just might be able to begin letting go of the idea that our particular vision of how to "fix it" is the only way to go. And maybe we'll come out of it with a greater understanding of our own identity, and who God has created us to be. I think it's a decent place to start.

From My Poetic Archives

2008-11-10T15:37:00.005-05:00

Before proceeding, make sure you're ready to have your mind blown.

Ready?

I wrote this nearly four years ago, near the end of my first semester of seminary. Some things never change.

You may proceed.

]Be am is are was were a an the in on at with either or neither nor [fragmentary glimpse] do does did have has had [into kingdom life,] he she it we they [awaiting] over under on upon around with about concerning [consummation,] in out up down left right over under before behind [hope] ever never come go be become [amidst] yes no maybe what's up not much hi how are you [routine] and but for or in out [love prevails[

Musical Aspirations

2008-11-08T23:03:00.003-05:00

Just this afternoon I was considering pursuing music as a serious hobby again. I've had this on again/off again thing with music over the last ten years, and I've been constantly frustrated by the fact that I can't really write music or play it proficiently. Sure, I can sing a clean melody and write an occasionally witty or profound lyric, but I'm just not that hard core about it. I'm much more hard core about listening, discovering and memorizing obscure details about the music created by others. And I'm beginning to be more okay with that.

And becoming okay with that has led me to reconsider some things. Sure, I'm no Sufjan, Dylan, Tweedy or Sam Beam, but perhaps I have something they don't. Perhaps there lies inside of me something brilliant and courageous that could never come out of the great singer-songwriters to whom I look up. And I might know what it is; I may have discovered my unique contribution to the music world...

I love singing terrible pop songs at the top of my lungs. This could be totally cutting edge. I mean, I sing in my car, in the shower and with my guitar (but not in the shower with my guitar), and it brings me great joy. I even entertain others. I make a killing on karaoke night. So is there a niche in the music world for a decent (not great) singer who can sort of (but not really) play guitar, singing Top 40 songs in new and exciting ways?

I think so.

And did I mention that I'm six-foot-nine?

Bam. Dealmaker. That kind of height is very uncommon in musicians. It could sell. I mean, I could really make some coin for a struggling record label out there.

I'm just not sure if I want to commit yet. I mean, a hobby isn't something you just do for fun. It's a job, and it requires effort. If I commit to this, I can't just give up a month down the road. Anyway, we'll see. I'll consider the idea with sober judgment, but would appreciate any feedback in the meantime. But I gotta go. I got a really cool Enrique Iglesias medly dancin' around in my head, so I'd better write down some notes, in case I decide to pursue this thing.

Grant Park Pics

2008-11-06T22:02:00.007-05:00

Here's a few pics from Tuesday night. As you can see, we were really far away, but we were there.

Waiting in line for 2.5 hours...

Barack is actually in this pic...you just have to squint.

Crowd estimates? Somewhere between 1 and a billion.

The Andrew's

Michigan Ave. and the Art Museum on the way back to the train

Grant Park Reflections

2008-11-06T17:58:00.006-05:00

Tuesday night I was in Grant Park, thanks to a guest ticket from Chris. I've never seen so many people in one place in my life. I have never been the most avid or vocal Obama supporter, but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity to witness history with hundreds of thousands of my closest friends. The energy was palpable, and the elation of some was simply overflowing. Hopefully I'll have some pics to post soon.

Yet towards the end of the festivities and on the trainride home, I began to feel sick and then sicker, and by the time I went to bed, I was shivering with the chills. The sickness served as a good reminder on this night. I believe that Obama's election is a huge step for a country built largely on the slave trade and slave labor, and I appreciate the excitement surrounding the election of a man whose father came from Kenya and his mother from Kansas. In an increasingly multi-ethnic America, Barack Obama represents a voice that has never been represented at the highest level of American politics. But as I watched the events, with nausea slowly building in my stomach, I was physically reminded that we still have a long way to go.

Most people who know me know that I'm a self-described raging moderate, and that this title suits me on multiple levels. I am friends with some raging liberals, some raging conservatives, and of course more raging moderates like me. At a moment like this, I urge all my friends not to overreact either way to this election. Obama is neither the Christ nor the Antichrist, though his supporters and detractors, respectively, seem to either implicitly or explicitly deem him such.

So whether you're elated, crushed, or "whatevs," I hope that you'll pray for President-Elect Obama.

And continue to do whatever you need to do in and with your community to seek justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God. Because though the President may be very powerful, he's got nothing on the slaughtered lamb, our crucified and risen king Jesus Christ, the only one truly worthy of our hope.

Reflections on Completing Seminary

2008-11-03T16:43:00.008-05:00

I will complete my M.Div in less than...

...wait for it...

...keep waiting...

A little longer...

... ...

... ... ...

SIX weeks.

If you skipped to the answer before reading all the ellipses, you're no fun. And probably a communist.

Your political stances aside, I'm not entirely sure what to think or feel about this finishing of seminary. I'm excited, but a bit scared; relieved, but a bit apprehensive.

I've enjoyed the journey. I started in the fall of '04, just before the last election (the release of Bush version 2.0). We lived in Chicago for a year, Indianapolis for two, and now Grand Rapids for nearly a year and a half. Addison was born in Indy, and though it seems weird, she will forever be a Hoosier. I've been a full-time student, a full-time pastor, a full-time chaplain, a part-time student and a part-time pastor, not necessarily in that order.

In the next step, I'll be a full-time pastor. I've had a great experience so far working with the Evangelical Covenant Church to find a church that's the right fit for us and the church. The right fit hasn't come quite yet, but we've learned a lot from each conversation, each interview, each encounter. I've met great people from a few different search committees who demonstrate hearts for Christ and his church.

Early in the journey, I think my call to ministry suffered from a lack of mystery. I felt such a strong call at such a young age (16) that I just dove in headfirst, and honestly, it didn't always require that much faith. I've always felt pretty safe.

But now, being less than six weeks away from the end of seminary, I don't feel as safe. I'm excited for what God has for us, but we've reached a point where we must rely on faith. There's no other way. And no matter how much we prop up our faith with experiences and reason, it's still scary.

'Cause if there's one thing we know for sure about God (or at least Aslan), it's that he's good.

Not always safe.

But good.

He's the King, I tell you.

Anathallo: Bells

2008-11-02T08:17:00.004-05:00

This is a new video from Anathallo. They are one of my favorite bands. Their new album is available for preorder here, and if it's half as good as their last one, it's well worth the $13.

The video was created by Anathallo guitarist Danny Bracken. I remember when Marcie used to work at North Park, and I'd visit her at various points throughout the day. Often there was a man at the desk behind her, diligently designing the recent issue of North Park's "Hands On Magazine." I was always impressed by his eye for graphic design, though I never really talked to him. That man?

Danny Bracken.

Enjoy the video, buy the album(s).

I'm Back

2008-11-01T18:42:00.002-04:00

Perhaps I should start blogging again?

I've thought long and hard about it and decided that yes, I will return.

This is your proof. See you soon.

10 Favorite Albums of '07

2007-12-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's that time of year, when I get to indulge one of my greatest passions: listmaking. My top 10 albums list is always one of my favorite things to compile, and as usual, they're only my favorites (not some objective attempt to pick "the best). My favorites are also confined to those albums which I've heard, which is quite limited since I am not much of a downloader, so I rely on my own cd collection and the public library for my listening.

There are three notable albums that I really wish I had gotten to listen to before the end of the year, but haven't, but I think they're worth mentioning: Boxer by The National, Strawberry Jams by Animal Collective and the new Explosions in the Sky album. Some or all might have made it onto the list, but I haven't heard them. Maybe next time. So without further ado:

10. The Shins Wincing the Night Away - Marcie got me the album for Valentine's Day. As always the melodies are tight, but this one meanders a bit at times, and I find myself wanting to skip over a couple tracks when they come on. It's a good album from a really good band.

9. Andrew Bird Armchair Apocrypha - Andrew Bird has a great first name. He has a unique sound that is instantly recognizable, which is hard to achieve with all the artists out there. I'm not sure yet if it's as good as The Mysterious Production of Eggs but it's dang good.

8. Iron & Wine The Shepherd's Dog - Sam Beam & Company have placed much more emphasis on the & Company this time around, and it makes for a much different I & W sound. It has been hard for me to get used to, but there are some tracks that are absolutely outstanding, and the one throwback (Resurrection Fern) might be one of their best yet.

7. Interpol Our Love to Admire - Marcie got me this one for my birthday. Interpol's guitar parts are the tightest around, the vocals are distinctive, and the lyrics are always interesting. They're a band that's hard to figure out, and I like that.

6. Over the Rhine The Trumpet Child - Amazing album. OtR now has a steady bass player and drummer, and have settled on a more jazzy sound than the past, and are better off for it. The song "Trumpet Child" is absolutely breathtaking and the rest of the album is quite good as well. There is one track that just isn't very good in my estimation, and I'll let those of you who have heard the album guess which one.

5. The White Stripes Icky Thump - They're always amazing. I gave them number one on my '05 list with Get Behind Me, Satan, though Sufjan would take number one if I did it all over again. This time, I'm putting them at 5, even though this album is probably better than Get Behind Me. It rocks hard once again, there are bagpipes and mariachi horns, and the wordplay is sometimes downright hilarious.

4. Arcade Fire Neon Bible - This could easily be number one, as could any of the top 6. Arcade Fire has released two albums, both of which are masterpieces. "Antichrist Television Blues" might be my favorite song of '07, and this album just drives from beginning to end without relent. I might even dare to call this quite a prophetic/apocalyptic album. If you don't know what I mean by that, read David Dark.

3. Over the Rhine Snow Angels - "Snow Angel" is the saddest song of '07 and this album is flawless. Even next to Sufjan's box set, which was recorded a bit haphazardly, I think this is my favorite Christmas album ever. There are no cover songs her, besides a stanza from "O Little Town of Bethlehem," which receives a new melody. OtR outdid themselves in '07. Always beautiful vocals, jazzy arrangements, and even a tribute to Vince Guaraldi.

2. Radiohead In Rainbows - One and two have been an ongoing debate in my head. Both are worthy. Both are in my top 5 artists of all time. Both are a bit of a return to a more relaxed, less experimental sound. Both are smooth as butter from beginning to end. This album is beautiful. Even songs with obtuse titles like "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" are beautiful. And "You're All I Need"? Forget about it. My only wish is that it was longer. And if I bought the $80 box set, it could be. Maybe for Christmas? Unlikely, but maybe.

1. Wilco Sky Blue Sky - I admit that it's not really groundbreaking for Wilco. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot did that for them, and it gives them licence to just relax for an album. This is the most listenable album I own. Over and over I listen to this with Marcie and Addison, and it is soothing at moments, and literally makes us dance (see "Walken") at others. I already used the term smooth as butter, but this is seriously like sticking a stick of butter into your ear, feeling it melt all over your eardrums. Sorry, what was I saying? I'm going to go ahead and say it: Wilco is the best American band right now. Arguments to the contrary are accepted, but they cannot have anything to do with the Jonas Brothers, okay?

Thanks for reading. Happy listening, and Merry Christmas!

200mcs: One Down, Two To Go

2007-12-22T00:01:00.000-05:00

I haven't retired from blogging, I swear.

I finished my first 200 mile commuting semester (henceforth 200mcs) just under a week ago, and I really enjoyed it. The 200 mile commute thing kind of sucks, but in a weird way, it's been really good. A lot of good thoughts swirled in my head this semester, and a lot of my classes interacted in profound ways so that it was an especially meaningful semester.

I wrote papers on the image of God, the incarnation, resurrection and return of Christ, eschatology, eco-theology, sacraments, the Trinity, gospel communication to indie-hipsters, hospitality and the christological basis for ecological preservation and designed a worship service for the first Sunday of Advent. I read some great books (The Way of Jesus Christ by Jurgen Moltmann, Free of Charge by Miroslav Volf, a book on sacraments by Leonard Vander Zee), a lot of good ones (Jesus the Liberator by Jon Sobrino, a couple books by Robert Webber, Whose Religion is Christianity? by Lamin Sanneh, Eyes Wide Open by William Romanowski, Border Crossings by Rodney Clapp, Mosaic of Christian Beliefs by Roger Olson, Selling Out the Church by Kenneson and Street, White Woman's Christ and Black Woman's Jesus by Jacqueline Grant, Luther, Feminism and the Cross by Thompson along with a collection of African christologies), and the occasional forgettable book (...).

I had some great conversations with old friends and made some new ones. I learned a lot about theology, christology, worship, communication and hospitality, and learned the art of sleeping on a six foot couch. I walked the line between guest and mooch, and when I came home I was able to truly be with my family. I got to see Yo La Tengo, Rosie Thomas and Over the Rhine all thanks to my wife's place of employment, Calvin College. Addison got bigger and smarter and more beatiful every day, and I have come to appreciate Marcie more than ever. It's sufficient to say that I don't deserve her and that's a fact.

I didn't blog much because I kept painting myself into a corner, promising to post about something specific, but never feeling inspired to fulfill those promises. From henceforth no more promises will be made on this blog.

You have my word.

And you have my love.

Eco-Theology 3

2007-11-02T14:28:00.000-04:00

My third point is that many Christians simply do not take seriously the ecological implications of their theology.

This can start to look a lot like the first reason, but the difference is that rather than not seeing the connections between the different aspects of their theology, these people fail to see the impact what they believe theologically has on their lives at all. This is the saddest, and perhaps one of the most common deficiencies in today’s churches. What is learned in church is something that is perceived as “good for us” and “good for our kids” but has little effect on how life is lived. Put simply, these people have theological systems in their minds which are largely disconnected from their hearts. Therefore, an intellectual assent to a very orthodox theology which should lead to a very ecologically friendly lifestyle is given the backseat to convenience or fear.

Let's look at a hypothetical situation in the church. A leader of a trustee committee is gung ho about adding a bunch of new parking and plowing down some forest which contains rare foliage and is the habitat for many local animals. This trustee thinks that in order to spread the gospel, we take a "whatever is necessary" approach. There may very well be other trustees in the room who disagree with his assessment, but refuse to speak up because this guy is a respected member of the church.

Or because their business training tells them that it is good business for the church to have more parking spaces for growth.

Or because they are afraid that they cannot articulate their argument coherently, and do not want to be embarrassed by this respected leader in front of all the other trustees.

But they should.

And I hope they do. The gospel means more than just getting people into the doors of the church. A gospel lived well in the church community might just mean that this congregation sacrifices the parking spots as an act of living out gospel principles.

My three "possible objections" are by no means the only three reasons people don't take eco-theology seriously. I just tried to come up with a few primary ones to get the discussion going.

I'll post one more wrap-up for this series in the next week or so with some suggestions for moving forward and hopefully some helpful contributions to the discussion of eco-theology.

Eco-Theology 2

2007-10-26T10:46:00.000-04:00

This problem reaches full strength in the second reason that ecology is not often taken seriously in churches today; a deficiency in a small number of doctrinal positions.

For many, this is the obvious problem. A deficient understanding of the doctrine of creation can very quickly turn someone into a hippie-hating conscienceless resource consumer. If one embraces a tradition where God’s call for humanity to exercise dominion over creation is seen as license to abuse the created order for our purposes regardless of the ecological consequences, then such abuse will occur regularly. This view is mistaken. God’s call for humans to cultivate and have dominion over the created over is a passing of responsibility to his imagers, who are now responsible to lovingly care for and yes, utilize for the good of the whole created order, not at its expense.

Not as obvious but every bit as dangerous to an ecological theology is a deficient understanding of eschatology (the doctrine of last things or "end times"). There are extremely popular eschatological frameworks (some popularized by fictional novels) which convey the eschaton as the destruction of the earth. The battle of Armageddon is emphasized on the earth, and the new heaven and new earth of Revelation 21 and 22 are relegated to a heavenly, spiritual realm. The goal of this eschatological system is escape from this world. The purpose of living faithfully to Christ is that he can save us from the impending destruction of the earth.

A theology that locates the final resting place of Christ and humanity somewhere other than this earth almost has to lead to ecological apathy. What point is there in caring for a world that will face destruction soon, and as part of God’s perfect plan no less? Yet when we see the eschaton as the restoration of all things to Christ and the return of the Triune God to the earth he lovingly created and declared as good, we do no longer look at life as our only chance to use up the fruits of the earth. Rather, we see our lives as a great opportunity to plant the very trees of the New Jerusalem, where the sea is glassy and there are trees which are for the healing of the nations. We no longer spiritualize these words of Revelation, but see them as our duty to the world which God has entrusted to us.

Eco-Theology 1

2007-10-22T14:57:00.000-04:00

I think there are three primary reasons that ecology is not taken seriously in many churches today, and I'm going to address them in subsequent posts here. Feel free to pipe in with questions, as I am still struggling to make more sense of all this and fully think through the implications of these arguments.

Here are my three primary reasons that ecology is not taken seriously in most churches today:

1. We fail to see the interrelatedness of doctrines in our theological systems. Which can lead to...

2. A deficiency in one or two doctrinal positions (usually creation or eschatology), which forbids us from taking the created world seriously.

3. We simply don’t take seriously our theological convictions about ecology (or anything else, for that matter).

I'll only deal with number one today.

So what about the interrelatedness of doctrine? For at least the past century, the idea of systematic theology has been a popular one. Systematic theology brought a renewed interest in theology, contextualized theology for a world steeped in an Enlightenment worldview, and from these, much good has been done. However, the downside to systematic theology is a system of division which easily leads to a theology of division. We study doctrines such as creation, the Trinity and salvation individually, and somehow they begin to feel like separate things, as if the character and activity of God himself is somehow neatly divided into categories. God acts here as creator, Jesus acts here as Savior, the Spirit works here as equipper, and little is said about how these rich aspects of theology overlap and connect with one another.

So we don’t consciously connect the points of doctrine in our theological systems, but rather allow our subconscious mind to do that work. When these connections are not intentional, our minds simply take what we value most in one area of theology and allow it to trump whatever we may want to believe in another area. So we have people who may think that it is pretty important to care for the earth who are not willing to stand for this principle because there is another element of their theology which is more central to their identity which appears to contradict it, yet having not explored the connections between these two aspects of their belief system, the one perceived greater wins out.

In An Attempt...

2007-10-18T19:47:00.000-04:00

...to be more disciplined in other areas of my life (running, housecleaning, parenting, husbanding, personal hygiene, etc.), I have neglected blogging. Yet blogging is something I love, so I will hopefully be returning to the discipline sometime soon. For now, I'll just let you know what I plan on blogging sometime in the near future.

I have quite a few distinct thoughts rolling around in my brain on the topic of Eco-Theology. I've been doing some Eco-Theology in various forms lately. I have some of the thoughts down already in the form of a theology paper, but it wouldn't make a very good blog as is. I did some Eco-theologizing when I set up recycling bins at our house and posted some scripture texts in our garage from Psalms and Revelation as a reminder why I/we recycle.

In other news, I'm an uncle for the first time. Carter Charles Fedewa was born very early Sunday morning. It's amazing to see a little baby now that Addison's so big (almost 14 months). It really does go stinkin' fast. It's not all just gross exaggeration. I've been off all week for fall break, which has been great, and tomorrow morning we head to Rockford to see my family. It's been awhile and I miss them.

I am blessed by Marcie and Addie all the time. Despite our awkward travel/living situation, life is really good. Praise to the Father, Son and Spirit who love and sustain us in each moment and throughout each season of this messy but beautiful life.

Mr. Spriggs...'nuff said

2007-10-05T17:43:00.000-04:00

Top 5?

2007-10-04T20:09:00.000-04:00

Apparently I don't blog anymore, but alas, Hofbauer has issued the challenge on Xanga via The Vis, and I cannot resist.

The challenge? Top 5 musical artists. Before I start my list, I must mention that this is a very immediate list. A year ago or five years ago, the list would have been completely different, but for now, this is it:

1. Sufjan Stevens - I love it all. I occasionally get lost in the music, and don't even realize it's playing. It's as if it becomes a part of my breathing as I listen and my heart is elevated in a way I cannot describe. The more I listen, the more layers of meaning I seem to discern in the lyrical and musical content. I know I'm overstating it, but I love Sufjan. On a side note, my love for a particular Sufjan song was redeemed even further by it's being played by the Mars Hill worship team as Marcie and I served communion to one another in community with the church.

2. Radiohead - They write impossibly great melodies, yet defy convention consistently. Never boring, and amazingly, I never sense that the music is disembodied. Thom Yorke's is an honest, sometimes prophetic voice which has been part of my musical vocabulary since I can remember really loving music. They wrote Fake Plastic Trees and Paranoid Android, both pretty much perfect songs, yet so very different.

3. Wilco - Thanks to the Vis for challenging me to engage Wilco beneath the surface of my limited exposure. Since digging deep into Being There and the Mermaid Avenue sessions in addition to their self evidently genius four prior albums, I cannot help but love them. Right now, I probably listen to them more than any other band, and I keep wanting more. I love their capacity for genre-bending and their outright dominant musicianship. When I saw them live a few months ago, I was convinced that I was witnessing one of the greatest American rock bands of all time in their prime.

4. The White Stripes - Two people, two instruments, seemingly limitless possibility. I love that Jack and Meg have pretty much deconstructed blues rock and put it back together in such a minimalist fashion. It's sometimes abrasive, occasionally tender, even hilarious, and always brilliant. I also LOVE the fact that they never have a set list for their live shows. Hopefully I will one day get to witness it.

5. The Decemberists - I believe it was Stephen Colbert who called them "hyper literate prog-rock." As Josh Overbay once said, "I feel smarter when I listen to the Decemberists." There is depth to their songwriting that keeps their songs from growing old with repeated listens. Each album is great in its own right, and The Tain is one of the best pieces of music I've ever heard. I'll never comprehend the Decemberists, and that's alright with me.

Two others who almost made my list are Bob Dylan and Anathallo, and I excluded them for the exact opposite reasons. Dylan's catalog of music is so large that I have not come even close to listening to it all, let alone digesting it. As I continue to chip away at it, he climbs up the list, but I can't quite say he's in my top 5 yet. Anathallo is not on the list because they are so very early in their career. Floating World is in my top 5 albums of all time, and their previous EP was genius as well, and as they continue to develop and record, I have no doubt that they will climb into the top five, but again, not yet.

That was fun.

Goodnight, everyone. Thanks for your hospitality, your love and your pants.

Happy Birthday, Darlin'

2007-08-22T11:19:00.000-04:00

It's Addison's first birthday today. It's hard to believe that it has been a year already, but it has been a great year. I can't imagine the past year without her. She went from being our new baby that we didn't really know what to do with to being a wonderful, exciting member of our family. Our lives have been enriched in new ways that we would have never known but through Addie's presence. Here are a few of my favorite pics from Addie's first year.

This picture is from the first day of her life. Shortly after her birth, they washed her off and wrapped her up, and this is what she looked like. It looks like she's already smiling, and she hasn't stopped since. She's a lot like her mom in that way.

I love this picture. Every once in a while, she seems to be engaged in some really deep thought, and we captured it perfectly in this pic. She was only a few months old at the time. What a beatuy.

On the day of the Super Bowl, we did our part to cheer on Da mighty Bears. Though the outcome was less than ideal, it was still great to see the Bears most beautiful cheerleader in action.

We went out to the east coast over the 7/7/07 weekend for Jake and Karen's wedding, and one of our outings was a trip to Manhattan with the Gustines. We thought of going to the Empire State Building, but thought it was too touristy, so we went to Times Square (that's a joke from The Office, in case you missed it). Addie liked all the people and flashing lights and million inch tv screens everywhere.

Here we are on our last day in Indy (8/5/07). Right after church, we got our pic taken all gussied up in our Sunday best. Almost all of her first year of life was spent in Indy, and our Hope church family really embraced our little one. She was loved there, and surely misses playing with all the Hope kids (big and small, old and young).

And now she's one. Switching from formula to milk, facing forward in her carseat, moving up in the world. Everyone was right. It does go stinking fast. But we've been blessed to not have missed much. Marcie and I both have gotten to spend a lot of time with Addie this year, and I pray that we continue this trend, even as our situation will be quite a bit different this year.

Her middle name is Grace, for she is truly a gift from God. Thank you, Father, for entrusting us to raise your daughter. Continue to stand by her and touch her life with your Holy Spirit. May we love her as you have loved us, and by doing so, show her a glimpse of your kingom here on earth as it is in heaven. Amen.

Living Jesus

2007-08-22T11:14:00.000-04:00

So as the semester is approaching on Monday, I have decided to get a bit of a headstart on reading. I know once classes start, it's gonna be a whirlwind, so I'm at least introducing myself to some of my books.

I've started working on a couple books for my Christology class. I was excited for the class to begin with, but after beginning the readings, I'm even more excited. The first book we have been assigned is Living Jesus by Luke Timothy Johnson, and it is right up my alley. The basis premise is that in our quest to learn Jesus, we have, for the last 100 years anyway, begun with the wrong question. Before we get into historical method and source/redaction/form criticism, we need to ask a far more basic question; "Is Jesus alive or dead?"

Johnson argues that if Jesus is alive, as so many of us confess, then we ought not treat him as a historical (dead) figure when trying to learn about him. Rather, we take what we know of who Jesus is through the eyewitness accounts of his disciples and friends, continued over the past 2000 years through the work of the Holy Spirit in his church, also combined with our own experience of Christ in the context of the church, and now we're closer to being able to learn Jesus.

The whole historical Jesus quest always struck me as odd, and Johnson has put some solid feet on that which was only an inkling in my relatively uneducated mind. I'm also beginning to read Jurgen Moltmann's The Way of Jesus Christ, and in his prologue, he explains that he named the book what he did just because Jesus is so dynamic, and cannot be nailed down as "known" in some static sort of way. Jesus is always known in a dynamic relationship, not as a static, distant historical figure. So I'm getting the same sort of approach from two different angles, and I feel theologically energized by it.

Dear God, what have I become? I just used the term "theologically energized." Oh yeah, I became a seminary student again. My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our Greek lexicons.

Reflections on Home

2007-08-18T23:30:00.000-04:00

We now have internet at the new house. How convenient. Jena, my sister in law and our housemate, just so happened to have an wireless router, and so I have the luxury of posting from bed as I drift off to sleep. Hopefully my sleepy state doesn't lead to posts I'll regret in the morning, but I doubt it...not this time, anyway.

We've been in G-Rap for two full weeks now, and it's been a good settling process. The first week was difficult, but this week was much better. I've had plenty of tasks to take care of during the days while spending time with my beautiful baby Addison. I got my licence switched to Michigan, along with the van title and some nifty new license plates. I ordered all my books for the semester (four of them came today). I had to buy a new modem to get the internet running at the house. I called a ton of day care places to check on rates and details. And we continue to put the house together, box by box, room by room. We have a lot of stuff. I wish we didn't, but we do. At least we're trimming the fat (vis a vis an upcoming garage sale). And I need to buy a car this week, so I've been looking into that as well.

It's been interesting. Transition is always a difficult and exciting thing. For the last seven years of my life, I've pretty much constantly been in transition. Dorms (202D), parents house, dorms (104B), parents house, dorms (104B), Little Pine Island Camp, apartment at Trinity, apartment at North Park, house in Indy, house in G-Rap. The only place we stayed long enough to call home was Indy, and just like that, we're gone.

There are so many things we'll miss about Indy. It's our daughter's birthplace, and where she spent the first year of her life. It is the home of some great dining establishments: Squealers, Yats (Cajun Creole Crazy), Bub's, King Kabob, La Margarita, Rick's Cafe Boatyard, Claddagh's Irish Pub. I'm salivating just thinking about the goodness. We lived 1.5 miles from the Monon trail, where we walked and ran regularly. We were a mile from the bank, post office, and public library. Downtown was clean, easy to get around, and beautiful.

And of course there are the people. The people of Hope Covenant, the people of the Hollis Adams lunch bunch, some dear, dear friends who I got to meet with regularly to encourage and sharpen each other and talk ministry, music, life and everything in between. It's hard to even think of some faces, because it rips my heart to be separated from them. We haven't had very deep roots for over seven years, but they dug in pretty far in Indy. Just when it began to really feel like home, we left.

But duty calls. Seminary calls, and I'm actually in a good place right now. Though I miss Indy, I'm loving getting to know G-Rap. We live dangerously close to a Best Buy, a restaurant with excellent falafel called The Pita House, a mall, and Baker Book House. We are close to Marcie's family, and as I mentioned before, her sister even lives with us. I've gotten to meet some of the neighbors, and our next door neighbor gave us some fresh produce from her garden. Our house is very nice, a perfect fit for us, and it's starting to feel like our house finally.

But what makes everything go 'round are those constant and intimate relationships I share with my Lord, my wife and my daughter. Home is a nebulous concept, and is not bound in all facets by geography. I feel at home when I am with Marcie and Addison, no matter where that is. They are my family, they love me and allow me to love them. Yet ultimately, none of us can feel fully at home until fully present with Christ (2 Corinthians 5), and I know not when that day will come.

So for one more week, I am a full-time stay at home (home, get it?) dad looking for a car and continuing to put a house together. After that, let the weekly commute to Chicago begin. Thankfully the Cubbies are getting their act together to get ready for my arrival. Thanks, boys. Heal up good, Alfonso.

Re-Entry

2007-07-19T14:54:00.000-04:00

Ok, so when I got back from vacation, I felt like I needed to post about the vacation, but I thought it would be awfully dull without pictures, so I waited. Well, I still don't have the pictures on my computer, and we've been back from vacation for 9 days now, so I'm just moving on.

My wife's recap of our vacation is pretty good, so read her posts here and here. (Sorry to those of you who don't have xanga, as you will likely not be able to view the pages).

We saw fireworks at Plymouth (it seemed quite historical), spent a wonderful day in Boston walking the Freedom Trail, took in the beauty of Cape Cod, celebrated Jake and Karen's beautiful rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception, enjoyed New York City with the Gustines, rode on an Amish buggy in Pennsylvania and got to visit Chocolate World in Hershey, PA. Addison was great throughout the trip, traveling well, and even sleeping in a tent through the rain. She's a trooper, just like her mommy. It was a wonderful first vacation for the three of us.

Since coming back, I've been settling into the fact that my time left here is so short. Just over two weeks left now, and each day goes faster than the last. Marcie has begun her job at Calvin College in G-Rap, so I've been home alone all week, and will be for the next two weeks as well...thank God for weekends. Her first day on the job, Marcie found out about a house that was recently made available for rental, owned by Calvin. She took a look at it on Tuesday, took some pictures, and it looks like we're going to be signing a lease on it soon.

It amazes me. When I juxtapose the events of my life with some of the events occurring around me, I feel simultaneously blessed, confused, overjoyed, embarrassed and pissed.

In the last two days, at least four people have either called or visited the church seeking assistance. Help with bills, groceries, finding a job, etc. One woman was 52 years old and had a masters degree (in music), but couldn't even find a job as a receptionist in the area. She wondered if she could sing a solo at our church or do some secretarial work in exchange for payment.

I drove downtown with a couple guys from the youth group yesterday to bring some groceries to a man in need. I wasn't sure what to think about this man who seemed so desperate over the phone (but that's how you'd want to sound, right?), but when he opened the door to his apartment and I looked into his eyes, I knew that we had done the right thing. This man was truly in need. Would this food change the course of his life? No, but it might just interject a little nutrition and a bit of hope into his situation.

In the midst of all this, I look at our life. Marcie got the first job she applied for up in Michigan. It is an ideal fit for her, and exactly within her college major emphases. On the first day of said job, she finds out about this amazing housing opportunity which we couldn't have even imagined.

I sat there looking at the resume of the 52 year old woman who came to the church door, and I felt so weird. As I mentioned earlier, I felt blessed, but embarassed that things seem to be coming so easy to us right now. I certainly am grateful to God for all this, but I want it to come to these other people as well. I became angry about how difficult it is for so many to get from one day to the next while I'm enjoying a charmed life. I don't want to be that guy - the charmed one to whom everything comes easy.

So I consider my role in all this. I start to realize that there might be some truth to the fact that I am blessed in order to bless others. It's not much, but I give a man in need a Kroger gift card. I give my neighbors a ride whenever possible.

And yet others I let walk away with nothing more than a prayer.

It sucks.

Dorothy Day would often say that "Love in practice is a harsh and dreadful thing compared to love in dreams."

When the rubber meets the road, am I truly able to love in the harsh and dreadful way that changes the world, or do I let it remain in my dreams, parked comfortably next to my ideals?

I don't have an answer to that question right now, but God's giving me plenty of opportunities to find out.

Vacation

2007-07-03T11:20:00.000-04:00

Marcie, Addison and I are leaving for vacation in a few short hours. We'll be going to Boston, New York City, Cape Cod, and on Saturday, will witness the marriage ceremony of a great friend and his fiance (who's probably much greater than he, but we don't know her nearly as well).

We'll be back on Tuesday the 10th. Probably won't be much internet access over the trip, but we'll see. We're stoked. We'll be mostly camping, but we're gonna sleep in an actual bed a couple nights, too. I've never been that far east, so I'm anxious and all that.

And, it's Addie's first family vacation. All trips she's been on until now have been to visit family.
Until next time.

Sault Ste. Marie Youth Mission Trip

2007-06-26T15:09:00.000-04:00

What a week.

On Saturday, June 16, I left with Sam, Seth, Stuart, Tim and Neal (students from my youth group) for a Youth Works mission trip to Sault Ste. Marie, MI. A lot happened over the course of the trip. I’ll throw down some highlights for your education, edification and pleasure. And for my own sanity.

Father’s Day
Over Saturday night, we spent the night at Saranac Community Church along with the crew from Libertyville Covenant Church. Because of this fact, my wife and daughter were there with me on Sunday morning, which just so happened to be my first Father’s Day. It was a wonderful gift to be able to spend one last morning with the loves of my life before heading off for a week-ish. Father’s Day actually means something once you become one. Weird.

That night, we arrived in the SOO around dinner time. My boys didn’t know what to think about Youth Works after the first evenings’ activities. Everything was very corny, and they just weren’t in the corny mood. I was a bit worried that they wouldn’t have that great a time.

We had found two loves by this point, though: hackey sack and inventing new slang.

Early Week
Monday, we got into the swing of the mission. We took a ferry over to Sugar Island and worked with Bud Byron at his Cultural Camp. We helped move their main sign closer to the road, weedwacked a TON, and painted a bunch of picnic tables and a couple sheds. Our new slang reached new levels, and the boys covered their bodies in paint. Neal got some wicked paint tan lines. It was pretty much a jiminy jehemoth.

Later that evening, the boys loosened up quite a bit. In a bit more corny mood, the evening activities no longer bothered them. What a bunch of jokemasters.

Jerad Birge, RIP
We were hacking on Monday night before bed, when Seth received a text message. After a bit of clarification, we found out that a good friend of Seth, Stuart and Neal had died. He was also good friends with Zach, another kid from the youth group who did not come on the trip.

At first, the guys were just in shock. They made some initial comments, and we went upstairs to get ready for bed. After a while, I asked them if they wanted to go downstairs to talk and pray. They did, and I’m glad. They opened up, shared stories, and I could feel the group gelling and growing closer by the moment. It was really tough, but it was good for everyone to talk and get out their frustrations, as well as brainstorming ways to honor Jerad’s memory. Little did we know that Zach was back home putting together a tribute video of Jerad that would be shown at his viewing and funeral.

I continue to pray for Jerad's family and friends. May the peace of Christ be with you all.

Midweek
That news changed the complexion of the trip. The guys thought much more deeply about everything that went on. They were more gracious with others, and they served wherever they could. We picked up trash all day on Tuesday. It was a bit depressing, but the guys had a good attitude about it.

That night, I shared what happened with all the adult leaders and the Youth Works staff. Unbeknownst to me, the Site Director emailed a prayer request to all the staff in the US, Canada and Mexico. Over 300 Youth Works leaders were praying for my boys and for Jerad’s friends and family.

Wednesday, we did Kid’s Club. It was pretty fun, and the guys did a great job with a modern day Moses skit. Tim’s old man voice is hilarious. “Get off my green!”

Some Great News
Later in the week, I received two pieces of good news to temper the bad news we received from home. One was news that some dear friends are pregnant. Pretty sweet, but I’m not sure if it’s public yet, so I’m not using names. This news was a huge answer to prayer.

The other one was Marcie’s job. She will be working as a Human Resources Generalist at a large and well known Christian college in Grand Rapids, MI as of mid-July. This was also the answer to much prayer. It’s a perfect job for Marcie and right in her field. Her major at TIU was Business—Non-Profit and Human Resources, and now she’ll be doing Human Resources at a Non-Profit. Pretty sweet, eh? For you Office lovers, she’ll be Toby, but hopefully her boss won’t hate her as much at Michael Scott hates Toby.

Late Week
Thursday, we went out to someone’s house on Lake Superior to play football, throw the Frisbee, and hang out. I didn’t know until afterwards, but Stuart and Neal had an impromptu funeral for Jerad out on a beautiful part of the beach. They fashioned a cross out of some sticks and watched some pigeons congregate in Jerad’s memory. I was so impressed that the boys did that.

Later that night, we had a footwashing ceremony. Some honesty from a new friend made the experience extra emotional for me, and I couldn’t stop crying. As I prayed for and washed the feet of each of the boys and girl (Sam was the one girl on the trip from my church and was technically registered on the trip with Libertyville, but is really part of our church), the tears poured out of me uncontrollably. I felt the Spirit’s presence in a very real way. I pray that the experience was as memorable for them as it was for me.

The Trip Back
On the morning of Friday, June 22, BZ decided to break his van about five miles after we had left the SOO, so we stayed an extra three hours before heading back home. We got some pizza, shared some children’s stories, reminisced of the old days, and thanked each other for an awesome week…which it was.

Eventually Bucky Cook (give him a call if you ever have car trouble in the SOO) fixed the great white beastly van, and everyone made it home safely.

Epilogue
It was the best mission trip I’ve ever been on as a leader. God orchestrated things in ways I would never have expected. My group totally exceeded my expectations, and Christ was glorified in amazing ways.

Believe it or not, that’s not even the half of it. But that’s enough for now. Thanks for reading.

Church and Culture, Part 2

2007-06-12T11:01:00.000-04:00

One of my dearest friends, affectionately known as Gus, wrote the following in response to my first post on Church and Culture. (Note: Gus generally does use his shift key occasionally, but neglected said key due to the informal nature of the blog comment). I found it to be quite well put.

"the thing i think we need to learn to do is to learn to see truth and beauty everywhere it exists (as you suggest) and then re-learn to see the beauty of the gospel...not just a vitamin-fortified cure for what ails you, but a sweeter song than is actually possible to sing apart from this amazing life in God...then as we readily look for truth and beauty we can sing this sweeter song as we live in the midst of other people's lives...I just dont think we know how to recapture the beauty of the gospel, so it still seems lame, trite and out of touch with the truly "profound"...if the gospel is not more beautiful than anything else, I am not sure I want it"

I don't really need to expound on this a lot, but I want to dive further into the idea of the beauty of the gospel "live[d] in the midst of other people's lives." It harkens in my mind the metaphor laid out by Rob Bell in NOOMA Rhythm / 011. Bell's thesis is basically that many of us have a far too distant view of God, as if he's somewhere else and intervenes occasionally. As a corrective, he invites us to look at life as a beautiful piece of music that God is putting together, and we all can live in tune with this great music when we live in the story of the gospel of redemption, when we live in tune with God's score.

Whenever I watch the film, it always challenges me to think that if I am truly living in tune with the "sweeter song," which reflects God's glory perfectly, that my life and the life shared by my community (church) would actually be attractive, exciting, sweet and beautiful.

I mean, if God really knows what he's doing, then if we follow him right, our lives will be the best lives possible. We'll be blessing as many other people as possible, loving as much as possible, seeing beauty everywhere possible and knowing its source. It does not diminish the fact that the call to discipleship is a hard one, wrought with sacrifice and tough calls, but if we truly believe that making these tough sacrifices is exactly what God desires of us, then won't our lives be better on the other side of that decision?

Perhaps if we are able to stop being paralyzed by fear, to truly live out the liberation that is proclaimed by the Gospel we profess, then we will be part of a song whose beauty nobody can deny. It is not a song invented by the mind of one great genius, but the sound of thousands upon thousands and ten thousand times ten thousand singing the same song, each of us using our creativity within the structure of the greater piece of music.

What this looks like practically will be addressed in the near future, but in the meantime, let's play the song together.

[Also, see thoughts from David Fitch on this exact same topic, including plans for a forthcoming post on Kevin Vanhoozer's book on the topic of the Church and cultural engagement]

Church and Culture

2007-06-08T19:28:00.000-04:00

I have some thoughts ruminating in my head about the church and cultural engagement.

Last night I was talking to a group of guys, and we had been talking about testimonies and life stories and all that, and one of the guys told a testimony story he had read somewhere (he couldn't remember exactly where). The story goes that a man was walking past a church one day and heard the music of the song "Cocaine" by Eric Clapton blasting out of the church. Being a huge fan of the song, he decided to enter and see what it was all about. It turns out that the church had put Christian lyrics to the song and were singing it as a congregation. The man ended up becoming involved in the church, and he said that he would never have set foot in the church had it not been for "Cocaine." As my friend recalled, the spin the man had put on the story was that the church needs to engage culture more, and his story was a glowing testimony to the possibilities that stem from that.

Before I critique, I want to make clear that I am all about the church engaging culture. My critique comes from the how and with what purpose aspect of this idea.

Here's what I've been ruminating on. I think that to a large extent, some fairly large sections of church are engaging culture in just this way much more than ten years ago (at least in my experience). I know less and less Christians who only listen to Christian music and shop at Christian bookstores and wear tons of Christian t-shirts. There has been so much valid critique of Christian subculture that a lot of people are taking notice.

But I wonder if our unplugging from a Christian subculture and engaging the media of the broader culture is actually achieving some of its supposed purposes. One of the purposes of being attuned to broader culture is so that the church can engage in conversation and exchange stories with people outside the church. It is one of many ways to make a common human connection with people who, for various reasons, would not tend to darken the doorway of a church, or even interact with a Christian for that matter. I know that this sounds like a manipulative and utilitarian view of art and media, which I do not necessarily agree with, but acknowledge that this is a very real motive for many Christians to "get involved in the secular world", and therefore want to address whether it is actually happening.

Here's what I see happening. Christians broaden their own horizons and begin to see truth in the art of the world. They see that Christians don't have the corner market on all truth, and find God and truth at work in the art of people who are not professed Christians. These same Christians adopt the phrase "all truth is God's truth" as a mantra, and their lives are enriched, and so they talk to their friends, who happen to also be Christians, and introduce them to this liberating idea.

Yet rarely do they use this newfound love for all things beautiful (not just all things labeled Christian) to connect with the people they believe so desperately need to know the triune God to whom all truth and beauty points. I guess what I'm saying is that I see the church being enriched by this bursting from the box of Christian subculture, but when it's not coupled by a missional emphasis, it still only blesses the church.

When our overall approach to the church is to bless ourselves and not the world, then it doesn't matter how connected we are to this culture.

If salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? Listening to Arcade Fire, no matter how great that may be, won't do the trick. What do you think?

The End of Blogger's Block

2007-06-05T12:25:00.000-04:00

I've had some blogger's block. Not because I don't have anything to write about, but I have just had this unexplainable hesitation to click the little "New Weblog Entry" button on my blog. It's as if I haven't given myself permission to blog. Too many important things to do and all that. I think I'm over that now.

On Saturday, May 12, I ran the Fifth Third River Bank Run 5K in downtown Grand Rapids. In '06, I ran it in 29:19, much to my disappointment. This year, my time was 27:39. It still wasn't great, but much improvement, and I had a lot left at the end. I got really excited to run a 5 miler on June 2 here in Indy. I took a couple days off, and hit the training hard again.

On Saturday, May 19, I ran 5.9 miles in 57 minutes. It was hard, but awesome. The longest I've run since the fall of '99. Wow.

On Sunday, May 20, Addison was officially dedicated to the Lord in a ceremony at church. We promised to raise her the best we can as a disciple for the Kingdom, and the church promised to support us and her in that very adventure. We had tons of family in town who love her and love us. We all were reminded of just how blessed we are. A supportive family is something I think I take for granted most days, caught up in my own little world of busy tasks and self-importance.

The week of May 21, I tried to run a couple times, but I had some serious anterior shin soreness. I just read about how when Jeff Tweedy got into running, he got stress fractures in both legs (his explanation: once an addict, always an addict). I decided that I didn't want those, so I stopped running for an indefinite period of time, icing my leg periodically with some frozen peas from the freezer. This week, Addison began to become a much more confident crawler. Still content to stay in a three foot radius most of the time, but showing signs of increased mobility.

On Sunday, May 27, I had the privilege of preaching for our congregation from John 17. It's always interesting to preach on the day of the Indy 500 in Indianapolis. I did it last year as well...you never know what to expect. This year, attendance was actually pretty good. There was a lot of rain at the race track. The whole worship experience was really encouraging to me, and I even snuck a small clip from The Office season finale ("Hmm, why don't we call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager"). After church we ate at Famous Dave's. Yum. Then we headed north, to Merrillville, IN (just a bit southeast of Chicago). We found a hotel with a pool and free breakfast en route to Covenant Harbor in Lake Geneva, WI.

From Monday, May 28 til Wednesday, May 30, we got to experience a totally FREE youth pastor's retreat at Covenant Harbor. It was free. The food was free. It was Covenant Harbor. Needless to say, I thought an awful lot about RyJo. Anyway, it was a really relaxing time. Marcie and I felt like we truly experienced Sabbath for the first time in awhile. Jeff Mazzariello spoke truth to us throughout the week, and it was invigorating. We also got to reconnect with Tim and Heidi Eaton, who we haven't seen for awhile, as well as meeting most of the youth pastor's in the Central Conference for the first time. It was nice to not have any programming responsibilities for a retreat. We even got some free time to saunter into Lake Geneva to enjoy the sights and partake in some delicious birthday treats.

On Tuesday, May 29, I turned a quarter-century old. The big 2-5, as it were. It doesn't seem like that bit a deal, but it's a bit more exciting than 24 was, anyway. My most exciting present this year? Definitely the turntable Marcie got for me, and all the records I got along with it, including the record of all records, Chicago V, complete with "Saturday in the Park." I'm much older and wiser now at 25, as is evidenced by the fact that I'm listening to records now along with my standard cd's and iTunes.

On the evening of Wednesday, May 31, we got back to Indy. I worked for a day.

On the morning of Friday, June 1, we headed up to Michigan for Chad's graduation open house (Marcie's cousin, and the one member of Marcie's family that I've actually known longer than I've known her). It was good. I ate way too much pizza and got to catch up with some of the cousins and aunts and uncles and sisters-from-other-misters up there.

On the morning of Saturday, June 2, we headed back to Indy so I could get dressed and ready to speak and play music at Will's graduation. Will is the only grad from my youth group, and he was homeschooled, so we put on a service for him at the church. It was a touching ceremony, and it was capped off by a celebration involving eating large amounts of Squealers pulled pork. We went to Nathan's graduation party as well, which celebrated his graduation from his 5 year plumbing apprenticeship, and we ate lots of lumpia.

Since then, things have been pretty much back to normal. Sunday, I started running again, and I feel great. Taking a week and a half off doesn't seem to have hurt me too much, and my leg feels much better. I'm listening to Wilco's Sky Blue Sky and Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over the Sea as much as I can, and I'm reading Slaughterhouse-Five, finally. So it goes.

Grace and peace to you all.

Shenanigans and Goings On

2007-05-04T13:55:00.000-04:00

Some snippets of what's going on:

I've been suffering from lame duck syndrome since making the decision to move to G-Rap. Overall, it's not too bad, but during lulls, I start to lose motivation.
Blake's performance on American Idol this week was the most impressive I've ever seen. I generally consider AI a waste of my time, but for the first time, I was actually impressed by the artistry of one of the contestants. Sure, people with pretty great voices have been on the show, but this actually impressed me from an artistic standpoint. You may disagree, but I liked it, and I decided that I'm not too much of a hipster-snob to shout it from the rooftops.
I've been reading Randy Frazee's The Connecting Church, and wish it was titled something more accurate, like Is True Community Possible in Suburbia? or something to that effect. That would have made me want to read it much earlier. As it stands, the title is sort of sterile sounding, and doesn't do justice to this excellent book. Very challenging to the suburban church paradigm, and an excellent, no compromise plan for Biblical community.
Addison is at an unbelievably entertaining stage of her development. She is beautiful, social, happy, strong, loving, and more a joy than I could have imagined on my own.
Training for the 5k is going pretty well, but I've had a bit of abnormal soreness in my left leg for the last couple days that has thrown off my training a bit. The race is in 8 days. Training for it gives me a goal to strive for and an added sense of purpose. It seems silly, but it's true.
I've been listening to some great music acquired from the library: Neko Case, Over the Rhine, more Yo La Tengo, Wilco and Billy Bragg, Iron & Wine/Calexico, old Sigur Ros, Joanna Newsom, and some new permanent acquisitions from the Violent Femmes, TV on the Radio and Vigilantes of Love.
I'm pumped about the Wilco show on June 15.
Last weekend was incredible. Congrats to Ush and Steph. The community of 104 (college friends) coming together is truly a beautiful thing, and we are extremely blessed each time we come together. The way Addison lit up around our dear friends brought more joy to my heart than I can describe. You are truly family.
It was great to see my family for my dad's birthday as well. Stockholm Inn is always amazing (you don't know what you got 'til it's gone), and it was wonderful to get to see everyone. I love you...you are also truly family (duh!).
Go Bulls.
Golden State? Amazing.
Prior's season ending "exploratory" shoulder surgery? Big surprise, right?

To borrow an apropos sign off from my dear friend, Vis...you have my love.

Virginia Tech Reflection

2007-04-19T09:23:00.001-04:00

Amen. I have very little to add to McKnight's words. Some of the comments he's gotten already are a bit emotionally/politically charged. I am focusing on the original post. It sums up my feelings better than I could. May God's peace fall abundantly on all of you.

We're Moving...

2007-04-16T12:11:00.000-04:00

...from the birthplace of the late Kurt Vonnegut to the birthplace of the late President Gerald Ford. You can read my wife's terrific description here. What follows is a modified version of the letter we sent out to our friends here at Hope Covenant Church. We appreciate the prayers of many of you who knew of our quandry before today. This was a tough decision, but we definitely sense God's peace about it now. Some adjustments to this letter were made for the protection of the innocent.

Beloved friends,

When we moved here to Indianapolis on July 28, 2005, we thought we would be here for a one year internship, an integral piece of my studies at North Park Theological Seminary. Thankfully, we had the joyous opportunity to extend our time here another year, affording us the privilege of building stronger friendships with many of you and getting involved in more areas of ministry than we would have dreamed.
After weeks of wrestling through our options for August 2007 and beyond, we have determined that in order to continue my seminary education we will no longer be able to serve at Hope Covenant Church.
I must for a variety of reasons go back to seminary full-time this fall. North Park has graciously allowed us to stay here for two years, but at this point, a move is inevitable for us.
In considering our options, we tried to figure out a way to stay here and go back to seminary full-time, but nothing we came up with seemed like a healthy option for us or for the church. As a full-time student, commuting to Chicago three days a week, half-time pastor here and full-time husband and father, I would not be able to give my best to all three. In fact, in trying to give myself to all three, I would have to fail in one area, and that is not something I am willing to do. Being a full-time student and investing in my family are non-negotiables, and in order to do those things well, we were forced to move in another direction.
After our final Sunday at Hope on August 5, we will be moving to the Grand Rapids, Michigan area. As some of you know, this is where Marcie is from, and basically her entire immediate and extended family lives in the area. This will allow Marcie to go back to work full-time, while having the support system to place Addison into trusted and reliable care during the days that I am in Chicago at school. Though the commute to Chicago is almost as far as from Indy, this option will free me from having to work, giving me the ability to focus entirely on schoolwork and family.
We cannot overstate how difficult this decision has been to make. Every time we look at your faces we see dear friends who have journeyed with us through these past two vital years. We have felt loved and supported amid joyful and difficult times. We have received encouraging words and have felt free to be ourselves in ministering to you and your children. The ministry experience I have received here is truly rare, and I thank you for your patience in letting me try new things and figure out how to do ministry. Looking back, Addison may not remember a lot about the first year of her life, but we will with joy be able to tell her stories of the great people who wrapped their arms around her and us…you.
God has been continually faithful to Hope Covenant Church for over 25 years, and will continue to be faithful after our departure. Though it is hard for us to leave, we know that He is in control and will provide for all your needs. We are humbled to have made any impact on your lives, and we pray for God to continue to guide you into his love, truth, justice and grace.

Blessings,

Andrew, Marcie and Addison Gates

Kurt Vonnegut

2007-04-12T09:03:00.000-04:00

One of the great social critics of our age, Kurt Vonnegut, has passed away. The public libraries of Indianapolis have been focusing on Vonnegut this year, so his name has been at the front of my mind a lot lately. I read Cat's Cradle in high school, and excessive repetition of a recurring line from Slaughterhouse-Five was an inside joke between myself, my roommate and Matthew iPod Morrison during college, and would be appropriate for such a time as this...so it goes. He was a jester in the best sense of the word. Thanks for some wonderfully entertaining and thought provoking literature.

Good Friday

2007-04-06T16:20:00.000-04:00

We have our sanctuary open all day today for prayer and reflection. There are four stations set up, thematically revolving around the words of the Lord's prayer, and I had the opportunity to write reflections for two of those stations. Though I cannot provide the physical elements of reflection, perhaps you can glean some truth from these words this Good Friday. The Lord be with you all.

Reflection and Inventory

“…your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven…”

~ Matthew 6:10

Whether we have been observing Lent and reflecting on Christ’s sacrifice as an annual pattern throughout life, or if this is our first experience with these reflections, we have much to glean from a few moments to take inventory of our lives and Christ’s work in us.

A timeline can be a great tool in evaluating our lives and setting goals for the future. There is a stack of timelines and pens at this station. Grab one of each, and ask yourself these questions and take notes on the timeline.

Before doing so, read the verse at the top of the sheet a few times and ponder its meaning. And don’t use this as a time to beat yourself up. Christ’s sacrifice is sufficient to save us from our past. Guilt is never a motivator for change. But forgiveness is. And Christ offers it to you in abundance. Use this time to decide what changes you can make today so that you don’t repeat your folly tomorrow.

What have been some truly memorable moments in my life? Mark them on the timeline.
What made these moments memorable?
What moments have been memorable in the last year?
Who have I served? How have I demonstrated God’s love?
When have I needed forgiveness? Have I asked for it?
Who do I need to forgive today? Apologize to?

What do I want to change this year?
What steps do I need to take? Where do I need to reprioritize?
What do I want to be different about me when I come to the cross at this time next year?

We all know that the way things are is not the way they should be. We know that Christ’s sacrifice brings forgiveness for the sin of the world and that we have newfound freedom and access to God in Christ, but life is still a struggle.

So we continue to live and pray:
“your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven. ”

-----------------------------------------
Confession and Repentance

“And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.”

~ Matthew 6:12

Confession and repentance go hand in hand. As we see in this verse from the Lord’s Prayer, they are mutually dependant on one another. Even as we ask for forgiveness, we acknowledge that we have already forgiven others. We receive forgiveness as a free gift, but understand that our own hearts must be forgiving in order to receive it.

Jesus puts it very well himself in the parable of the unmerciful servant found in Matthew 18:21-35. Take a few moments to read this parable out of one of the Bibles provided at this station.
Ask yourself how you have been an unforgiving servant. Ask yourself how you have lived in a manner contrary to the heart of Christ. Jot down these thoughts on one of the provided notecards as a prayer of confession to God. After you have written your confession, take a pushpin and pin it to the cross.

Be assured by these words from 1 John 1:9. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

The second portion of this station is a reflection on baptism. Ponder these words from Peter’s sermon at Pentecost as recorded in Acts 2:38. “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

If you have been baptized, take this as an opportunity to renew and remember your baptism. Dip you hands in the baptismal waters, being reminded of the cleansing waters of forgiveness you have received in the name of God: Father, Son and Spirit. Give the water a moment to air dry on your hands.

If you have never been baptized, reflect on Acts 2:38 again, and consider talking to one of the pastors about receiving baptism. The act of baptism is the outward demonstration of an inward acceptance of Christ’s forgiveness and the confession that Christ is the sole Lord and Savior of humanity.

Through the life, death and resurrection of Christ, you are forgiven. You are cleansed. You are empowered by the Holy Spirit to live a new life, a resurrection life, not according to the rules of humanity, but according to the Kingdom of God. The rules of God’s kingdom are not those of power, corruption and manipulation, but of forgiveness, grace, righteousness, justice, truth, peace and love.

On this day, receive these freely from Christ the Lord.

Aaron Weiss, Bad Hygiene and Vegetable Oil

2007-04-03T12:03:00.000-04:00

mewithoutYou is an amazing band, and this makes me love them even more.

The Skinny, The Wager, or Perhaps More Appropriately, Requiem to a Beard

2007-03-29T10:02:00.000-04:00

On January 3, 2007, I stepped on a scale. I sensed that I was larger than ever before, and I though that I was perhaps 235, a very high number for me. When the scale looked back at me with that ugly three-digit atrocity, 250, I was shocked.

So we decided to get healthy. Since January, Marcie and I have been eating much healthier than ever before, and we're seeing results!

Marcie admitted to me that she didn't like my beard anymore, and especially the adjoining mustache. I told her that if I made it down to 225 again, I would shave the beard.

So with great mourning, last week, I began the four stage process of shaving my beard. It was simultaneously bitter and sweet, binding and liberating (loosing). Here is the photographical chronicle of the dying breaths of my beard.

This was stage one. To bring joy to the heart of my bride, I shaved the mustache, leaving the traditional Amish, or Abraham Lincoln beard. I kept the Lincoln for 24 hours.

Next, I decided that it would be rather easy for me to shave the rest of a traditional goatee out of my remaining beard, leaving a tee-goa. I explained that a reverse mohawk is a hawk-mo, so a reverse goatee is a tee-goa. Gross. I kept the tee-goa for 24 hours, even wearing it out in public...wow.

Next, I went for the chops and neck patch. It was so gross. I did keep it for approximately 12 hours, even sporting it at my favorite local dining establishment, Squealers. Want a better view?

Nice. After I was done with the neck patch, I decided to go wild and check out the stripes. I kept these for all of 30 seconds.

And finally I settled on the mutton chops. I've never had good chops before, so I'm actually happy with them. I'm sure the beard will rise again one day, but until that day, consider this your requiem, beard. I shall remember you fondly.

By the way, I had Addison watch at each stage of the beard shaving so that she would still recognize me after it was gone. She misses being able to grab my chin hairs, but overall, I think she still likes me.

Do You Remember?

2007-03-22T09:40:00.000-04:00

Explode.

Implode.

Give a dog a log.

Grab a bag of Gritty Kitty while the kitty's in the city with the Mudskipper-hipper...

here's a cat without a nose.

Powdered Toast Man.

Can you stand the insanity?

I've had it in my head all morning. It won't go away. Three cheers for anyone who also learned this ridiculous ditty during the early/mid 90's.

Quick Update

2007-03-13T17:15:00.000-04:00

A dear friend visited us this weekend. It was great to catch up, philosophize, theologize, randomize, etc. Next time, maybe we'll get to see both Bookers.

I preached again this Sunday. I'll post my sermon manuscript/outline again if there are requests, but it takes up too much space if nobody's going to read it. I'm almost finished with They Like Jesus, But Not the Church, and would recommend it to anyone like me, with a heart for people, yet feeling bottled in a Christians-only world against your will.

Marcie had the flu (or food poisoning?) yesterday and is recovering today. Thankfully, it seems that Addison and I have avoided the bug. It pains me to see Marcie in agony. What an amazing family I have been given. I am truly undeserving.

The new Arcade Fire album is great. I am really glad I chose it (out of the many discs I had in my hand at one point or another during my audio purchase quest).

Animals Are Cut In Two

2007-03-05T16:44:00.000-05:00

I preached this sermon yesterday. The real version was much longer than this, but for any of you who may be curious as to my writing process when I prepare sermons, this might be of some help. Note, I did not use this manuscript at all for the preaching process, but writing all the ideas out in manuscript form forces me to think it through in a logical manner. Also, in order to understand this sermon, you'll probably have to actually look up the passages when I write in bold read Genesis 12...sorry I was too lazy to write out the passages for you all.

Genesis 15 is one of the most important passages in the whole Old Testament, and is a perfect introduction to our Lent and Easter Sermon Series, God’s Mission, Our Mission. God’s Mission, Our Mission is about connecting what we’ve been talking about—sharing our faith in simple ways by walking across the room, with Lent and Easter—the culmination of Jesus’ ministry on earth. So our mission to proclaim and demonstrate the good news of Christ is permanently and beautifully linked with God’s mission to save humanity through the sacrifice of his son. God’s mission, our mission. Our mission is his mission.

Since we’re so close to the beginning, let’s start there. Quick recap. It’s the beginning, God creates. In seven distinct stages, God creates everything in our natural world, and it’s all good. Humanity is very good. The serpent deceives Adam and Eve and they disobey God and are cursed. Two brothers go out to a field, one kills the other. People get really wicked, God needs to start over, and he chooses Noah and his family. After the flood, they repopulate the earth, and no sooner do the nations get settled that a bunch of them try to build a tower to heaven, and so God confuses their language. At this point, God decides he needs a special nation to represent him on earth. He turns to a polytheist from Ur of the Chaldeans named Abram (Joshua 24:2ff).

Let’s turn together to Genesis 12. Read Genesis 12:1-4. So God calls Abram away from his hometown in order to make him into a great nation. Abram has some difficulties over the next few years: famine, quarrels with his nephew. But no sign of a great nation yet. God is slowly working out his plan through Abram, but he doesn’t complain.

Which brings us to Genesis 15. Read Genesis 15:1-4. It’s beautiful how this passage begins with words of great comfort. “Do not be afraid…” We don’t even know what Abram’s afraid of yet. It’s as if God is giving Abram permission to talk to him, to let him know his fears. But God initiates the conversation. God comes and speaks.

And then we find out what Abram is fearing.

I’m childless.

I’m going to lose my inheritance.

Did I mention I’m childless?

My heir is one of my servants.

There, I said it. Whoa. You can sense that Abram has a lot stirring in the pot. He has a lot going on in his head, but he just hasn’t voiced it yet. And God, by encouraging him

Gives.

Him.

Permission to speak.

It’s great. And so far in the Bible, Abraham hasn’t spoken to God. He hasn’t uttered a word. From the end of chapter 11 when we meet Abram until this moment, we don’t hear Abraham’s address God.

But Abram interprets God’s words here as permission to speak. Maybe you can relate to this. Have you ever had a full plate? You’re pretty stressed, you have a million thoughts and fears on the tip of your tongue. And you’re waiting. And then somebody comes up to you and says…

How are you doing? Or

You look tired? Or

Do you need help with anything?

Now, there are two ways to handle this. Many of us answer with one word.

Fine.

But others of us see it as an invitation to open up the whole can and let them have it. They asked, right? It’s therapeutic. It helps us feel better to get it out there, and depending on who you just unleashed on, they had the wonderful or horrifying chance to hear what’s on your heart. It depends on your relationship with the person you’re talking to. If you sense that the person asking is a safe person who actually cares about you, you are more prone to open up. If you don’t know them, it’s far less unlikely.

Abraham lets God have it. He knows him, he’s talked to him before, and presumably he knows that God is the right person to spill the beans to. After all, He brought up the whole “Don’t be afraid” thing!

What do you mean, “Don’t be afraid!”? Turn to Genesis 13:15-16.

How can I not be afraid? I’m just a wanderer so far: from my home to Egypt to the Negev to Bethel to Hebron. I’m really old and don’t have any children yet. There aren’t a whole lot of signs that this is going to happen.” Now I know these aren’t Abram’s words verbatim, but these are the questions I would have in his situation.

Okay, enough from Abram.

Verse 4. Now Abram’s in his mid-eighties. God is telling him that a son is going to come from his seed, and that his descendents will be as numerous as the stars in the sky.

And Abram is speechless.

Abram believed the Lord.

And it was credited to him as righteousness.

Paul will return to this idea of Abram’s faith in Romans 4:9, when he’s explaining that salvation doesn’t come by any outward acts, but through faith. Abram had faith. Faith enough that God decided to call him righteous.

But we haven’t gotten to the best part yet.

Read vs. 7-11. Makes sense, right? Well, in the Ancient Near East, this sort of practice was a bit more common than it is in our society. Animals were regularly ceremonially slaughtered at this time. There is evidence for this kind of activity, not just in the Bible, but in all cultures, in order to make a covenant or a treaty between two parties.

Let’s finish reading chapter 15. We have some great content here, foreshadowing the Exodus of Israel under Moses (remember, there isn’t even an Israel yet). Abraham is surely amazed at what he is seeing and hearing. And there’s some other interesting stuff going on here too. Before we address that, I want to look at a document from outside the Bible, from the 8th century BC (so quite a while after this), but something that really attests to what these treaties mean.

“A TREATY BETWEEN ASHURNIRARI V, KING OF ASSYRIA, AND AN ARAMEAN RULER OF SYRIA, MATI’ILU OF ARPAD (8th century BC): This spring lamb…has been brought to sanction the treaty between Ashurnirari and Mati’ilu…This head is not the head of a lamb, it is the head of Mati’ilu, it is the head of his sons, his officials, and the people of his land. If Mati’ilu sins against this treaty, so may, just as the head of this spring lamb is torn off…the head of Mati’ilu be torn off.”[1]

Dang. That’s messed up.

Here’s another, similar one. Jeremiah 34:18 says “Those who have violated my covenant and have not fulfilled the terms of the covenant they made before me, I will treat like the calf they cut in two and then walked between its pieces.”

That’s messed up. Violate the terms of the covenant, and you will face the fate of the animals. You will be cut in two. That’s really harsh, eh?

Now let me share some specifics with you about this covenant. This covenant involves the granting of land, right? Remember vs. 18-21? In a land grant covenant, you’re dealing with the granter and the granted.[2]

It was the responsibility of the servant to walk through. The previous landowner and the future landowner. The current landowner has the upper hand. He’s the master, and the person receiving the land is the servant. A land grant covenant requires the land receiver only to walk through the animals. The master is generally not required to do so.

Just the recipient.

Some of you may have already pieced this together, but who walks through the cut animals? Abram? No.

V. 17. “When the sun had set and darkness had fallen, a smoking firepot with a blazing torch appeared and passed between the pieces. On that day the Lord made a covenant with Abram.” A smoking firepot with a blazing torch. How did God show himself to Israel when they were wandering through the desert in later years? A pillar of fire and a cloud. Fire indicates the presence of God. Fire passes through the pieces.

God passes through the pieces.

God turns this land grant treaty on its head. He doesn’t make Abram pass through the pieces. He knew what was going to happen. He knew that they wouldn’t be able to keep and protect their land. Look at v. 13. He didn’t want a bloodbath for his people.

So he took the curse upon himself. Before Israel, before God’s people, and way before Hope Covenant Church, God understood our brokenness and our tendency to fail. He knew that if he wanted this covenant to stand, He would have to be the one to bear the punishment required by the covenant.

God’s mission.

In Latin, it’s called mission dei. Theologians love to use Latin because it makes them sound smart. God’s mission is to do for us what we can’t do for ourselves. God’s mission is to make for himself a people and enter into a covenant relationship with him. We always must remember that this is God’s mission. When we try to share our faith, it’s God’s mission. When we try to become a more healthy church, it’s God’s mission.

All the greatest ideas for outreach in the world don’t mean anything if it’s not God’s mission, if God doesn’t act.

God is the initiator. God is at work everywhere you look. God is on a mission, and we must find where he is at work and meet him there. We can become a part of God’s mission. Our mission is God’s mission.

God has gone to great lengths to make a covenant relationship with us. A relationship with God. Sound familiar?

Ralph Gower puts it extremely well:

“It is fairly common to hear Christians say that Christianity is not so much a religion as a relationship; it is not often realized that exactly the same was true for the Jewish people. God did not found a Jewish religion but entered into a covenant relationship with his people.”[3]

“The religion of the Jews therefore had an important place in God’s plan, but it was never intended to be an end in itself. It was a means of sustaining the covenant relationship until God himself should come.”[4]

Religion from the start was meant to preserve a relationship. If a relationship with God is not at the center of your religion, it is empty ritual. Religion is a means of sustaining a relationship.
People outside the walls of churches don’t like religion. They’ve seen too much religion that wasn’t out to sustain a relationship. They’ve seen too much empty ritual. They want relationship.

They can have it.

You can have it.

God has come, and his name is Jesus. We’ll learn more of the details of God’s mission as we make our way through Lent, but know that God wants your heart.

God wants a relationship with you.

God not only loves you, he likes you.

[1] Bill T. Arnold and Bryan E. Beyer. Encountering the Old Testament, Baker: Grand Rapids, MI, 1999; p. 94.
[2] Soong-Chan Rah. “OT Missional Communication” online lecture, first listened to on 2-22-07. I owe much of the discussion of land grant treaties to Soong-Chan’s lecture, as well as some of the ideas stemming from mission dei.
[3] Ralph Gower. The New Manners and Customs of Bible Times. Moody: Chicago, IL, 1987; p. 332.
[4] Ibid, p. 333.

Sex God

2007-02-26T12:38:00.000-05:00

This weekend I got the opportunity to finish reading Rob Bell's newest book Sex God, recently released by Zondervan. I didn't really know what to expect from a book entitled Sex God, especially bearing the subtitle Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality. I know there are definite connections, but I didn't know how you could write a whole book about it. Now I wish he would write another book about it. This is really solid stuff, which made me rethink and expand my definition of sexuality while vastly challenging my theology of sexuality, opening my eyes to a God who has chosen marriage as the primary metaphor for his relationship with his people.

For those who don't plan on reading the book, but still want to glean some insight from it, I'll summarize some main points, chapter by chapter. I highly recommend checking it out, whether you're married, single, male, female, etc.

I'll try not to give everything away, but if you plan on reading the book, I wouldn't read the rest of this post, but that's because I love to approach a book in complete ignorance. You may not.

Introduction This is Really About That
Sexuality is ultimately about spirituality. It is a reality which points to a greater reality.

One God Wears Lipstick
Sexuality is connected to our humanity, our dignity. When we abuse humans, when we strip the dignity of another person, it doesn't just affect them. It is about us. We are all imago dei, and to abuse one is to abuse the whole thing, and to abuse ourselves. Simple acts of grace can restore our humanity.

Two Sexy On The Inside
Because of sin, Shalom with God is disrupted/broken, and therefore so it Shalom with others, the creation and the self. Our sexuality attempts to reconnect these broken relationships. Sexuality doesn't have to involve the sex act. Celibate people can be very sexual because they can have meaningful connections with God/others/earth/self. Sexiness is living out those connections in a godly way, restoring Shalom.

Three Angels and Animals
Animals have sex in a purely instinctual, strictly reproductive way. Angels are not sexual beings. We are neither, and shouldn't want to be. We must not avoid tackling difficult questions about our sexuality, because we are meant to wrestle with it. Our sexuality ought to be embraced as a gift from God.

Four Leather, Whips, and Fruit
Lust is insatiable. It always wants more. When left alone, it doesn't remain static, it grows. The energies of our lives must be channeled into positive things, beautiful things, so they don't turn to endless lustings after sex/food/drugs/money/power/porn/success/etc. Overcoming is about finding something beautiful to live for.

Five She Ran Into the Girls' Bathroom
God put himself out there just like we do when we ask a girl to dance. He leaves himself open to rejection. The choice is ours. He is vulnerable, but He does not override our freedom, even when we run crying into the bathroom, leaving him "out there." The ground at the foot of the cross is level.

Six Worth Dying For
The headship referred to in Ephesians 5 comes from laying down a life, as Christ the church. A godly husband would "die to himself so she can live." Flesh of my own flesh, blood of my own blood. My wife is my strength in my weakness. Sexuality is to be pursued in the context of this mutual submission and great willingness to sacrifice. We are worth dying for. This is a completely insufficient description of this chapter. It is amazing and everyone should read it.

Seven Under the Chuppah
Chapters six and seven hit me the hardest and opened my eyes the most. This chapter talks about chuppah, symbolized by a prayer shawl held over a husband at the marriage ceremony and consummation. God has taken us under the chuppah with him in Exodus 19. Amazing stuff.

Eight Johnny and June
Yes. That Johnny and June. We're walking the line here. Love is meant to grow in time. There is temptation to give up on each other because we are tempted by others who look more interesting, and because we don't realize that there is an endless depth to each human which is only meant to be explored by a spouse. We must be willing to be completely naked (not just physically) with each other in order to continue to grow over time. For relationships to get better, not worse. Like Johnny and June.

Nine Whoopee Forever
In the end, will we need sex to reconnect? If this (sex) is really about that (spirituality), then in the fulness of the kingdom, will there be need for sex? Jesus has prepared a room for us, just like a Jewish bridegroom (John 14). Lots of stuff to think about.

Epilogue More Balloons, Please
It doesn't always work out well in relationships, in life. We have to believe that there is limitless forgiveness and second chances. God's grace will not run out.

Consider this book recommended to you.

What is the Gospel?

2007-02-16T14:22:00.000-05:00

I'm taking an online class on Evangelism and Discipleship through North Park, and one of our first assignments was to write our own definition of the gospel in 55 words. It was not easy, and some of the other people in class did a way better job than me, but I'm pretty happy with mine, so here it is. Sorry it smacks of academia so much with the footnotes and all.

Q: What is the Gospel?

A: God reconciles everything to himself[1] by sending Jesus Christ to absorb[2] the sin/suffering of the world through his death[3] and make a new creation through his resurrection,[4] empowering the believing community with the Holy Spirit[5] to bless the world[6] with God’s truth and love,[7] toward the renewal of all things at our Lord’s return.[8]

[1] Colossians 1:20.
[2] Scot McKnight. Embracing Grace: A Gospel for All of Us, Paraclete: Brewster, MA; 2005, p. 91.
[3] Allister McGrath. Christian Theology: An Introduction, Blackwell: Malden, MA; 2001, p. 349.
[4] 2 Corinthians 5:15-17, N. T. Wright. The Resurrection of the Son of God. Fortress: Minneapolis, MN; 2003, p. 305.
[5] Acts 2:38.
[6] McKnight, Embracing Grace, p. 120.
[7] Matthew 28:19-20.
[8] Matthew 19:28, Rob Bell. Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith, Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI; 2005, p. 150.

Other sources consulted but not cited:

Broyles, C. C., “Gospel (Good News)” in The Dictionary of Jesus and the Gospels, Joel B. Green, Scot McKnight, I. Howard Marshall, eds. Intervarsity: Downers Grove, IL; 1992, pp. 282-286.

Hybels, Bill, Just Walk Across the Room, Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI; 2006, pp. 133-146.

McKnight, Scot, The Jesus Creed: Loving God, Loving Others, Paraclete: Brewster, MA; 2004, pp. 274-282.

McLaren, Brian, More Ready than You Realize: Evangelism as Dance in the Postmodern Matrix, Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI; 2002, pp. 38-42.

Stott, John R. W., Basic Christianity, Intervarsity: Downers Grove, IL; 1971, pp. 81-105.

Dig It. It's, PoMo!

2007-02-15T11:02:00.000-05:00

Right now, many aspects of my life revolve around the idea of disciple-making and evangelism. At the church, we are in the midst of a five week study of Bill Hybels' new book/dvd/study thingy called "Just Walk Across the Room." There's this Gen-X Posterboy who's teaching our adult Sunday school class using Campus Crusade for Christ's "CoJourners" materials. All this, plus the fact that I am taking an online class at North Park entitled "Evangelism and Discipleship." It makes sense, eh?

It's very interesting. I was born in 1982, which places me among the first of the Gen-Y/Millenials, and therefore I have tended toward what is often labeled "postmodern thought." I was really confused in my early years of college when my 40-70 year old professors were trying to teach me what this postmodern thougth was and what was wrong with it and what the positives of it were. I didn't get the academic descriptions. It always ended in a battle between absolute and relative truth, which confused me. Based on the academic descriptions, I assumed that these "postmoderns" were the bad guys and that I must restore them to some good 'ol modernist foundationalism. That's where it was at, my friends. Building an inpenetrable wall of truth that nobody could bust through. I did it. I went through the motions. But I certainly didn't understand why.

(Before I go on, I want to say that I'm not convinced that modern/postmodern is a healthy way to label this rift of ideology, but I'm using it anyway for the sake of utility.)

I know now that it's because I was postmodern all along. I was not an academic description of a postmodern, but a living, breathing person who was simply discontent with modern categories of thought, argument and academia. I didn't think I was a postmodern because all the definitions of pomo (as Moe calls it) were put in such modern terms. It was foundationalist language applied to a conflicting ideology. It's like using the language of mathematics to describe a Monet painting.

So is it good that I asked those questions in college? Is it good that I made postmodernism the enemy for a year or so of my life when I was that enemy? I don't know. It happened, though. And I'm quite content being pretty pomo. And I feel like I can talk to strict modernists about this stuff now because I was sort of there myself, but it doesn't make it any either. It is the collision of two worlds, one wrought with inaccurate assumptions on both sides.

For example, there is a bit of an assumption that pomos don't believe in absolute truth. I believe in absolute truth, and that absolute truth can take on many forms and faces. When I talk about the different faces of truth, however, many think I'm slipping into relativism, when all I'm really talking about is contextualizing. Another assumption is that pomos don't believe in logic. That's silly. Logic is alive and well, but it simply isn't enough. Give me mystery, let me love something or someone without fully understanding, but I'm not going to abandon logic along the way.

Then there's the assumption that all pomos wear thick black rimmed glasses and Chuck Taylors. Well...that one is true. You got us there.

There's a lot more to say here, but I'll stop at that for now, leaving you with this thought: This conflict happens everywhere that cultures collide, not just modern/postmodern or foundationalist/pomo collisions, and we must keep in mind that reconciliation is hard work and must be intentional.

"All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them." 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

My Favorite Albums of 2006

2006-12-22T16:22:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've been mulling over my favorite albums of 2006 for the last few days, and I think I'm ready now to get it here. Once again, I have to add that this is my favorite albums of 2006, and not an attempt to pinpoint the best albums of 2006. I haven't even heard 1% of the albums released in 2006, so I don't know if these are the best...but I sure like them. [aside: I look forward to compiling this list at the end of the year almost as much as I look forward to opening presents on Christmas...is that weird?] And without further ado...

15. Derek Webb Mockingbird - I was simultaneously impressed and disappointed with this album. I think it nailed 2 of the big three areas (music and message), but fell short in one (execution). First, the musicianship. It's excellent, and Webb stretches himself a bit more than he has in the past. It is another long step in distancing himself from Caedmon's Call. Second, the "bite" of the album. I love the boldness and the statement made by the album. However, the statements weren't always executed in the greatest ways. Some things were edgy for the sake of being edgy (such as the bridge to "King and a Kingdom") and some was just a bit cheesy.

14. Pearl Jam Pearl Jam - I like a good comeback, especially when it's from my favorite band from the mid 90's. Their last couple albums were a bit too meandering and unfocused, but this is a return to straight rock. It is a bit too clean cut for my taste (I miss the dirty sound of Vitalogy), but it still rocks pretty hard. I also enjoy the new territory explored by songs like "Parachutes". Good ol' Pearl Jam.

13. My Brightest Diamond Bring Me the Workhorse - I didn't get to listen to this one an awful lot, but I love it. Shara Warden's voice goes from over the top theatrical (see "Freak Out"), to touchingly intimate to just plain fun. "Golden Star" is a song I have gotten to listen to more than the others, because I had it on a couple compilations before I heard the album, and it drew me in. Very unique, yet accessible. I guess that's the kind of music I like. Unique, yet accessible. Don't we all, though? Overall the album is very dramatic, and like I said, I haven't gotten to digest it fully, though I love what I've heard so far.

12. Cat Power The Greatest - Another one that I didn't get to spend enough time with, but it's smooth as butter. The song "Where Is My Love" is absolutely great. I recommend downloading that song to everyone on the planet. It's great. Like I said, like sliding a pad of butter into your CD player and letting it melt into your eardrums. Is anyone else getting hungry?

11. Bob Dylan Modern Times - I know #10's guitarist is going to freak out that I put them ahead of this one, but I did it anyway. Dylan is obviously a genius, and I know that if I listened to this 1000 times, I'd still have metaphors to unpack and lyrics to deconstruct, but I just haven't had time for that. I like the groove of the album, and the lyrics are...well...Bob Dylan's. No further explanation necessary, if you ask me.

10. Ammi Imitation - Now I have a vested interest in this band, because they are dear friends and some fellow alumni from Trinity, but it doesn't change the fact that the are amazing. They have exhibited significant growth over each of their releases (The Hymnal EP and Laodicea, respectively). I know they were heavily considering putting re-recordings of some of the older songs onto the full length, but I'm kind of glad they didn't. The album is original, atmospheric, rocking, profound and catchy all at once. I do, however need to resist the urge to keep telling my daughter to "be part of culture mechanique." I don't think she understands the sarcasm.

9. Half-Handed Cloud Halos & Lassos - John Ringhoefer is a genius. I saw him live at North Park in the winter of 04/05, and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He was singing catchy, almost kitschy Bible songs to a room full of indie hipsters donning sweaters, scarves and horn-rimmed glasses, and they were enthralled. I was enthralled. I didn't want to miss a word, a clever wordplay (of which he is an absolute master) or a silly melody. He plays with toys, a Casio organ, a trombone, guitar and mp3 player. It doesn't translate entirely onto an album, but the album is still a top 10-er.

8. Beck The Information - Did you know that Beck's mom was in the band Black Flag? Amazing! I've probably only heard this one about five times, but it is great. It's got a very consistent groove that makes for great background music, but its complicated lyrics and structures also make a good attentive listen. Beck is the master of genre-bending, and though I wouldn't say that this album blazes a lot of new ground, it is perfectly executed. I love the first seconds of the album that begin "one, two, you know what to do." It's almost a declaration that though this album might be fairly serious, don't take it too seriously.

7. mewithoutYou Brother, Sister - I've only heard this one twice, but I am ranking it number seven in faith that I'll be listening to it nonstop fairly soon (when I can afford a copy). I know I love mewithoutYou already, and I can tell just upon a couple listens that they have broken new ground musically, experimenting with vocal melody (gasp!) and featuring the acoustic guitar much more prominently. It's a more earthy sound that fits well with their very earthy message and lifestyle. Aaron Weiss's lyrics are always spot on and always challenging. One of the most innovative bands out there, if you ask me.

6. Thom Yorke The Eraser - You probably know that Radiohead is one of my favorite bands. Based solely on the music, they might be my favorite band, so naturally, I would be interested in Yorke's solo release. The solo album is excellent, but since I cannot help but listen to it in the same way I listen to a Radiohead album, it's not mindblowing. I don't get the sense, however, that he even wanted this to be as good as a Radiohead album. It's just him, only 10 songs mostly recorded on a laptop. I wish I could do all that with a laptop. "Atoms for Peace" is definitely my favorite track, with soaring vocals that are pure ear candy.

5. Sufjan Stevens The Avalanche - The only reason this isn't higher is the principle of the fact that it's supposed to be a b-sides and outtakes album, and because of the unnecessary quantity of "Chicago" remixes. Some of this stuff is just as amazing as the stuff on Illinoise. "Pittsfield" might be in my top 5 Sufjan songs of all time. Sufjan is just one of those guys that I like, and I just really want to like everything he releases. I don't have to try too hard, since he writes such great music. I'm ready for the next one...I'm so greedy.

4. Johnny Cash American V: A Hundred Highways - I know, the top three must be awesome if I place them ahead of this posthumous Cash album. They are, but enough about them. A Hundred Highways is full of great songs, including the last two songs ever written by Cash. "I Came to Believe" made me cry at the first listen, given the circumstances. Between that and his rendition of "God's Gonna Cut You Down", I am in Cash heaven. But he's in the real thing.

3. The Decemberists The Crane Wife - I've listened to this album more times than I can count, and it hasn't even been out that long. It's epic, it's melodious, it's emotional. Colin Meloy uses words I've never heard of, and I think he actually uses them in their proper context. This disc has been spinning in our minivan with very little rest since it came out. I'm building up Addison's vocabulary before she can even speak. I don't understand a lot of what is happening in the album lyrically, but I am willing to keep listening to figure it out. It's amazing that an album can be so catchy and so intelligent at once.

2. Sleeping at Last Keep No Score - This album is tied deeply to my emotions of the past year. We had it playing in the van for most of our trips back and forth to the doctor's office for our many doctor's appointments leading up to Addison's birth. This sort of became the soundtrack for that whole experience. The other day, I had my iPod on shuffle while I was watching Addison, and the song "Umbrellas" came on. I looked at Addison and began to cry. I know I'm just a big baby, but hearing Ryan O'Neal, in his beautifully delicate voice, sing "We'll bring a child, we'll bring a child into this world. We'll say the one thing every child should hear: 'You were meant for amazing things'," it brings it all to me. The weight of expectancy of becoming a father, the sadness of this world that we've brought her into. This album addresses pretty much all of it.

1. Anathallo Floating World - Right after I got this album, I posted a "review" of it. Actually, they ended up posting a link to my review on their website, which I thoroughly appreciated, and totally didn't expect. I first heard them at the same show at North Park that I was introduced to Half-Handed Cloud. They blew my mind then, and I waited impatiently from that day for the release of Floating World. It didn't let me down. For some reason, when I listen to Anathallo, I feel like they're the band I've been hoping to hear for years. They are exactly what I love about music. They're unbelievably creative, they utilize unpredictable time signatures, they write great melodies, along with superb female background vocals, experimentation with unorthodox instrumentation, etc. Though many of the lyrics are based on a Japanese folk tale, not all are, most notably "Genessaret (going out over 30,000 fathoms of water)," which is a touching tale in which I see the struggles of Peter as he attempted to walk on water in parallel with my own faith struggles as a child and now as an adult. This album is in my top 5 of all time, and I don't expect it to be knocked out of its position for a long time, if at all.

Special Category: Box Set - Sufjan Stevens Songs for Christmas - Yeah, I really like Sufjan.

Special Category: EP - David Crowder Band B Collision - A Collision is amazing, and B Collision does a great job of capitalizing on the fact that I am now willing to buy anything by Crowder because they put together one of the greatest worship albums I've ever heard. I love the reworkings with banjo as well as the full version of "Everybody Wants to Go To Heaven But Nobody Wants To Die." Very nice.

Honorable Mentions - Most of these honorable mentions are just albums that I heard once or twice and liked, but not enough to put on the list (or I haven't given them enough time to permeate my consciousness).

Muse Black Holes and Revelations, Bruce Springsteen We Shall Overcome: The Pete Seeger Sessions, M. Ward Post-War, The Dears Gang of Losers, The Hold Steady Boys and Girls in America, Josh Ritter The Animal Years, Mute Math Mute Math.

I Will Now Sell 5 Copies of The Three EP's by The Beta Band

2006-11-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to lie. My life has changed. Early on, people would ask me if things were different now that I am a father, and I didn't really know what to say. I think I have something concrete to say now. When becoming a parent, there is an element of selflessness demanded that did not exist before. The interesting thing is that we can take this mandate of selflessness, and react to it in one of two ways: we can give into it, accepting that selflessness is part of parenthood, or we can resist it, becoming even more selfish.

I think I've done both. In some ways, I've happily accepted this as an opportunity to put the interests of others before my own, seeking ways to help Marcie with caring for Addison, learning to deal with that which I have no control over. In other ways, I've become more self-absorbed, making parenthood an excuse to be a slacker in all other areas of life. I am much more easily distracted at work, and this whole putting up Christmas decorations ordeal is taking forever. I've patted myself on the back for being a decent dad, all the while becoming less decent a friend, pastor, student, etc.

Whether or not all I've stated above is actually true or not, I've felt the weight of the call to selflessness. It's heavy, because the very fate of a human life is in your hands. I don't know if I would have been able to understand it before, and I don't know if I can explain it to anyone else, but there is a weight. Yet the weight, though ever present, seems to be lifted whenever I make the choice to put them ahead of myself and just let go of my selfish ambitions and vain conceit, etc. It's when I ignore the weight that it becomes heavier, for myself, for Marcie, for Addison.

Last night I was giving an acquaintance a ride. He was in the middle of a fight with his girlfriend, and he said to me "I'm a strict baby daddy. She be tryin' to mess around wit other guys and stuff with my baby in her stomach. I ain't gonna mess wit her no more." Later he revealed to me that "I already got two strikes. I ain't gonna lie, I got a temper just like my daddy, and I hit her, and she called the cops on me twice, but she be messin' with me all the time, and I'm gettin' out before I get my third strike." It was pretty heavy. I told him that he should take responsibility for his actions, not blaming them on his daddy, but somehow I don't think he let it soak too deep. It left me saddened, and it gave me a shot of perspective. Seriously, these two were approaching parenthood like this? They're cheating on each other and beating each other all while they have a kid on the way? I couldn't imagine.

It's a lot easier to make babies than it is to raise them. I'm very tempted to sit in judgment on these two, but I know they haven't had the easiest lives. I know they haven't had things handed to them like I have. A decent amount of money, role models, consistent morality, faith in Christ, etc. I want him to be able to embrace the beauty of selflessness, but it runs a lot of what he's learned. It's hard enough for me, who not only knows this stuff, but teaches it to others every day...for a living. My heart goes out to them, because I know they don't want it to be this way. They've accepted it as their fate, though. It hurts to watch. I hope I get a chance to talk to him again soon.

Aside from all the heavy stuff, life has been pretty good. Marcie and I and Addison are loving our time together. Thanksgiving was a huge blast with ridiculous amounts of food and great family, friends, and a couple people who didn't have anywhere else to go. I've been listening to Songs for Christmas a ton, as well as Soft Bulletin by the Flaming Lips, Bring Me the Workhorse by My Brightest Diamond, some old live U2 and Radiohead shows, and all sorts of Wilco and The Clash. I have watched A Prairie Home Companion, United 93, Enigma, and High Fidelity. I'm still working on Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven But Nobody Wants to Die (or the Eschatology of Bluegrass), the book by David Crowder, but I'm not quite finished. I've enjoyed these various media at multiple levels. After watching High Fidelity, I have these overwhelming urges to make top 5 lists and make mix cd's for my loved ones, but I'm not sure if I'll actually follow through. Until next time.

Pictures of Our Addie Girl

2006-09-07T16:31:00.000-04:00

Addison Grace Gates, Welcome to Our World

2006-09-07T15:28:00.000-04:00

Deep breath.

That feels better. For those that have not heard, Addison Grace Gates was born at 5:43 pm on Friday, August 25th. She was 6 lbs, 10 oz and 20 in long. It was the greatest day of Marcie and my lives. She is absolutely gorgeous and we could not love her more.

We've had some struggles since then. Marcie had a terrible spinal headache a few days after the birth, and on Addison's 5th day on this earth (Wednesday, August 30th), she was extremely lethargic/sleepy/not eating. We took Marcie to the hospital that morning to be treated for her headache, and as the day went on, we realized we needed to get Addie some help as well. So my mother-in-law and I went to a different hospital to check Addie in. They sent her to the ER (again, at a different hospital from Marcie). Marcie's mom went back to be with her and I stayed with Addie.

It was hell, being alone with Addie, feeling so helpless and unable to be with both my wife and daughter...but we made it through. I watched the Tigers stomp on the Yankees while I waited, to keep myself from freaking out too much, and to remind myself that there were in fact other things going on on this planet. Eventually, they gave Marcie a blood patch to get rid of her headache, and about an hour and a half later, she was able to come and be with Addie and me at the children's hospital. Praise Jesus.

Addie steadily got better as she, and in turn, Marcie and I, stayed in the hospital for four days and three nights. We're still not 100% sure what was wrong with her, but it was somewhere between her mom being on Vicotin, which could have, in effect "poisoned" her food, and a simple viral infection. Praise God that she didn't have any bacterial infections! It was hard to see her stuck with needles for blood cultures, iv's and even a spinal tap (I didn't watch that one).

She was discharged on Saturday, September 2...her original due date, incidentally. Since then, she's done much better. She still has some swallowing difficulties that we're trying to work out, but other than that, she's doing quite well. Marcie got a high fever early this week and went back to the doctor, but everybody is doing quite well now.
Throughout all this...trips to way to many doctor's offices, hospitals and ER's, and consultations with way too many doctors, our God and the prayers of his saints have lifted our heads when we could not lift them any longer. We can't imagine going through this without our families, who were by our sides the whole time, and the encouraging words of friends over the phone. Our church family continues to minister to us through providing meals for us and praying for us.

In short, the body of Christ has done its job in our lives. We have felt the presence of Christ with us through the care of his church. It has been unbelievable. It has been difficult for me to even pray in this time, but we have felt God lifting our heads nonetheless. His grace is all sufficient, and I don't know if I've ever known that truth so intimately.
We appreciate continued prayers as Addison is still less than two weeks old and is very fragile.

Sorry we haven't updated much. Our internet access has been limited, and quite frankly, in the midst of everything, the idea of talking on the phone wasn't all that appealing.

Oh, and yes, our choosing of the name Addison was definitely influenced by the locale of one Wrigley Field, but Grace has NOTHING to do with Mark Grace. That's just silly. Grace is both a family name and one of our favorite virtues. Addison is truly grace: an undeserved gift to parents who struggle each day to love and care for her the best we can.

Thanks. You have our love.

And I guess I'll be posting all the pictures in the next post. Can't take the time to get them to work here.

New Blog Friend

2006-08-24T16:45:00.000-04:00

I added my friend and North Park seminarian to the bloglist, Dan Teefey. He and his wife Dana just recently introduced their new daughter Adelaide Rosalyn to the world, so click on the link if you love cute baby pictures.

Book Tag

2006-08-21T12:39:00.000-04:00

I was tagged by my friend Matt. It took me much longer than I had anticipated. But it takes me forever to do anything. Enjoy! And note: I’m not big on following the rules.

1) One book that changed your life:
One? Ha! I laugh in the face of such restrictions! I can think of five books that have shaped my identity. Other books have impacted me in other ways, but these have to take the cake. In chronological order:
a. In 1998, The Ragamuffin Gospel, by Brennan Manning. Got me really thinking about God’s grace and my identity as one loved by Christ for the first time.
b. In 2001, Mere Christianity, by C. S. Lewis. Confronted me with the fact that I was intensely arrogant and that the disease of pride had taken ahold of my life in a way that I was blind to before.
c. In 2003, Ruthless Trust, by Brennan Manning. Yet again, Manning was right on, refocusing my life not on trying to predict God’s will all the time, but simply trusting in it. It was quite a release.
d. In 2005, Posers, Fakers and Wannabes, by Brennan Manning. I know, way too much Manning. But this one has exposed more lies that I believe. I’ve begun to see that many of Manning’s weaknesses are very similar to my own, and this time I was challenged to take captive each of my selfish, God-denying thoughts.
e. All the time, the Bible. Sometimes even Sunday School answers are true.
2) One book that you've read more than once:
I’ve read portions of books more than once, a chapter here or there, but I don’t think I have ever read an entire book more than once.
3) One book you'd want on a desert island:
Wow. The Bible for sure. If I had to pick something else, though, it would probably be something humorous, like a Kurt Vonnegut book (Cat’s Cradle, maybe?).
4) One book that made you laugh:
Cat’s Cradle and Breakfast of Champions by Vonnegut, The Metamorphosis by Kafka, Franny and Zooey and The Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger and Wise Blood by Flannery O’ Connor.
5) One book that made you cry:
Night by Elie Wiesel (way back in high school sophomore English), Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky, and definitely Mere Christianity by Lewis. Night was just sad, C & P had such a touching ending, and I was crying during Mere because I didn’t think I was a Christian anymore, and it scared me to death.
6) One book you wish had been written:
In many ways, What To Do Next by God, but I know that if that book was written, I would be missing out on a lot of intimacy and wrestling with him. So maybe I don’t really wish that was written, but at times I would wish for nothing else.
7) One book you wish had never been written:
I don’t know. I feel bad about trashing peoples’ work, so without being specific, I’ll put out any book that has willfully perpetuated an ideology which has led to hatred towards any portion of humanity.
8) One book your currently reading:
Preaching Re-Imagined by Doug Pagitt, The Drama of Doctrine by Kevin Vanhoozer and Everything That Rises Must Converge by Flannery O’ Connor.
9) One book you've been meaning to read:
The Resurrection of the Son of God by N. T. Wright, The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky, Messy Spirituality by Mike Yaconelli, Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller, Free of Charge by Miroslav Volf, Rumors of Another World by Philip Yancey, Ragman by Walter Wangerin, and the list goes on and on and on and on.
10) Tag 5 others:
1) Marcie, 2) The Vis, 3) RyJo, 4) Matteo, 5) Steph, AND Ushwin, Kristin, Nibbles, Ice-Man, PezKat, Randy, and anyone else. That’s only five, right? I only numbered 5 of them, anyway. And if you don’t have a blog, or if you don’t like to write in it, just post your answers as a comment to this post, or post it on whatever place on the worldwide web you see fit. I’m not picky. Well, sometimes I am, but that’s a different story altogether.

Weird Conversations...

2006-08-17T11:30:00.000-04:00

If one of you prank called me today, you did a dang good job. But please show yourself.

A few minutes ago, someone called our church asking if we had a singles ministry. Our secretary transferred the call to me. I told the guy that we minister to singles all the time, but we didn't have a specific singles ministry group. He didn't seem to care, and moved on to asking me if I was the only pastor. I told him that I did mostly youth ministry, and that we also had a senior pastor.

He didn't seem to care, and started asking what the church believes. I explained the basics of our mission, teaching, etc. Once again, he didn't seem to care what I said. He asked what I did, and what I liked about my job. I answered as best as I could, explaining my heart for people to live for the Kingdom of God, to know that they are loved by God and live for his purposes. I don't think he really cared.

Then, with his next question, I was able to see why he was really calling. He asked, "are you a money church or a people church?" I hadn't been asked that question before, and I hesitated and responded, "a people church." He made a huge deal over the fact that I hesitated for a bit. I tried to explain that I hesitated because it was an odd question and that quite honestly, as a church that exists within an American economy, we do still require money to function. I didn't want to sugarcoat and pretend that we don't also need money for ministry, relief work, mortgage payments, etc. Sad, but true.

Then he proceeded to explain to me exactly why we existed. The same reason every church exists. We're a business and we're after everyone's money. I said, "well it may seem that way, but we are only trying to meet a budget to support our ministries."

Then he said, "Is it true that all you need is God?"

I said, "In a way, yes, but that's an oversimplifi..."

He cut me off, "Well, then you don't need church. You don't need money. At church, you tell me all I need is God, but that I also need to give 10%."

I said that we do not teach that you need to give 10%. I told him that our theology is that everything belongs to God and that we give back to him portions of what is already his to begin with. I told him that this was something that we struggled with all the time. We feel like budgets help and hinder the work of the church simultaneously. Thoughts of house churches without mortgage payments to make swirled about in my head.

He said, "There's one God, right?"

I agreed.

"Then why are there so many churches?"

"Because of human sin. We don't always work out our differences in the best..."

He cut me off again, "It's because the church is a business."

He was waiting for me to agree.

"Well, don't you agree?" he said.

"I suppose we are a non-profit organization, but that's not the poin..."

"Your church is a business and all you care about is money."

I said, "That is absolutely not true."

"You just say that because you're on the inside," he retorted.

I asked the guy why he was calling in the first place. He said that he just wanted me to admit that the church is a business and only cares about money. I told him that I would not admit to something that was not true. I explained to him that this conversation was going nowhere, that I was not going to confess to a lie, and that apparently he was not going to listen to what I had to say.

He said, "Well then, have a nice day at your job. Have a good business day."

I said, "Great," in a semi-sarcastic tone.

"Thanks for your time," he said.

"Bye."

We hung up our phones.

I hesistate to reflect on this too much, as I am not 100% convinced that this wasn't a prank yet, but assuming this guy was legit, I really wonder what has caused this guy's bitterness. What church experience has he had, that he has decided to randomly call churches pretending to be interested in their ministries in order to make accusations? I agree that quite often we get way too bogged down in money, and churches are not always good stewards of that money, but "Dang!"

He never gave his name. I don't know if I'll ever talk to or see this guy again. I hope someone else can handle his onslaught better than I did. What a weird start to a day.

Too Good to be True?

2006-08-15T11:51:00.000-04:00

My wife is awesome. Our child is going to be born any day now. I have a job that I enjoy. And to top it all off...I found this today:

Baby Rock Records. This is perhaps the greatest idea of all time. Just listen to these lullabye renditions of Radiohead, Coldplay and Pink Floyd songs! I can't explain how perfect this is. Listening to Paranoid Android as a lullabye is amazing.

Wow. Is this too good to be true? I think not. I think it's just plain awesome.

Thanks to ysmarko for the find.

The Vows

2006-08-09T13:20:00.000-04:00

The following is not for the squeamish or the faint of heart. It is the vows I read to Marcie exactly three years ago, on the day we were wed. And just a note: weddings are overrated, but marriage is awesome. Don't spend so much time planning a wedding that you forget to prepare for a marriage. The marriage lasts (or should last) a lot longer. End of unsolicited advice.
___________________________________________________________

Marcie, my love, my favorite, my pace partner, the love of my life, my cool breeze on a hot day, the best ever, my princess:

As I vow my love for you, the question that begs to be answered is "what will I give to you?"
Well, I will not give you perfection as you already know, for I am far from that ideal...only Christ can give perfection
I will not give you fulfillment, for I am only human, incapable of fulfilling all your needs...only Christ can give this as well
I will not secure, predict and guarantee all the details of our future together, for I am bound to this moment in time just like you...only God knows what He has in store for us.

All I have to give you is myself, me with all my imperfections, quirks, obsessive behavior and gas problems
I will give you my life so that we can begin OUR life, a life we will spend together and never give up on until our last breath
I will give you my time whenever you need to be with me, whenever you need to talk to me, whenever you need to cry with me
I will give you all the romantic energy I can muster from within me as I continually woo you and make you my princessI
will give you all that I am able to give you. I will continue to dig deeper and deeper into my soul in attempt to express the love I have for you, a love that is sure to grow and grow as we become closer to one another, closer to Christ
I will go through absolutely everything with you. I will be relentlessly commited to you

You deserve everything I have to give and much more.
You have demonstrated such great love to me, it makes me want to love you back even more
You are the most beautiful woman in my world. Your beauty encompasses the whole of you, inside and out.
I am forever greatful to God for creating you with me in mind
I will do my best to take care of you, to honor you, to serve you and always protect you

It is a shame that the phrase "I love you" contains both the words 'I' and 'you,' since neither of these pronouns apply to us anymore.

It is now only 'we.' We love each other, and will love each other for the rest of our days, because Christ first loved us.

This I vow to you, Marcie.

Cinephilism

2006-08-01T13:33:00.000-04:00

cin-e-phile
n. A film or movie enthusiast

I know some cinephiles. I feel like I am one right now. Marcie and I have watched a variety of films in the last few days. I'll write a brief commentary of each from my perspective. Note that I am in no way seeking to be objective...these are my impressions of these films.

Lady in the Water - Loved it. I found the subtext of this film was better than any of Shayalaman's others. The others may have had more engaging and suspenseful plots, but this one asked what I found to be the deepest questions about the purpose of humanity and how we go about figuring out just what that is. Questions of just how God's plan is enacted are raised, and I love it. Paul Giamatti's character's journey to redemption was heart wrenching. The pacing was good, and to top it all off, it was easily the funniest of Shayalaman's movies. I definitely recommend it.

Madea's Family Reunion - Really liked it/loved it. I liked Diary of a Mad Black Woman, but I didn't love it. I wanted to see Reunion anyway just because Tyler Perry is so stinkin' funny. Well, as it turns out, I found the story of Reunion to be a step up from Diary. The way Perry deals with the reality of domestic abuse, how he unleashes Cicely Tyson to deliver a touching speech (cheesy, but what great content), the presence of the authoritative voice of Maya Angelou and the absolute hilarity of Madea and Joe made this film quite pleasing to watch. Like I said, there's some cheese in this film, but it didn't bother me at all. I thought that overall the acting, plot, and pacing were spot on. I am a fairly gracious filmwatcher, anyway. Tyler Perry and M. Night Shayalaman are both geniuses in their own ways.

The End of the Spear - Loved it. Marcie watched it when I was away at CHIC, and told me that I had to watch it. It was incredible. I felt it was moving a bit slow at the beginning, but it was excellent. It made me feel uneasy at times. I like how the film depicted the women going back into the Waodoni mission field after the slaughter of their husbands without much fanfare. It was an absurd act of obedience to God, but the filmmakers let it speak for itself. I think I would have been tempted to have some intense dialogue portraying the existential angst the women must have been feeling facing the decision to continue on the path their husbands had tread. The redemption scene was even better than the one in Lady in the Water, mostly because I knew it was based on a true story.

Glory Road - Loved it, in an "already seen it, but I don't care" sort of way. I tried not to hold the similarities with Remember the Titans against it, for it was its own film. Besides, it's not the film's fault that it came from the same studio and was drenched with the same 60's music and racial tensions and revolved around a story of young people in athletics, specifically a cinderella story. I thought it was a bit more sloppy than Titans as far as pacing and character development goes. It was definitely a feel good movie, so I wouldn't recommend it if you are a die-hard realist (read: pessimist), but you know what, I take that back. I would recommend it to pessimists because this is based on a true story. Sure, it makes it look like this was all happening in Coach Haskins first year (it was actually his 5th), and there's Hollywood touches that will never bring it too close to reality, but the core is truth. They did win. They beat Pat Riley, unlike the Dallas Mavericks (go Eastern Conference!) and everyone else along the way. If you take it for what it is, you should love it. Perhaps my favorite part of the dvd was being able to watch interviews with the original players in the special features.

Some would say I use the "loved it" 5 star movie ranking far too often. They're probably right. They say it cheapens the ranking because the standard is lowered to that. But to that, I say thank God that Jesus lowered the bar for salvation so that I could even get in. Take that.

I think I'll take a break from movies for a couple days. Maybe not, though. It seems to be the thing to do when your wife is eight months pregnant and it's a million degrees outside. Insert your favorite non-sequitur here ___________.

Thanks and God bless.

Sevierville! Dollywood! Gatlinburg! Pigeon Forge!

2006-07-27T11:36:00.000-04:00

If Sufjan gets to his Tennessee album anytime soon, that has to be the title of the first song.

Knoxville treated us with justice. CHIC 2006: No Ordinary Day was the name of the youth conference which I and seven of the Sr. Highers from Hope attended from July 16-21, along with 5,600 of our closest friends from all over the country. It took place in the Volunteer state, on the Volunteer's campus. The orange began to burn my retinas, but in a good way.
Here's the rundown:

We left Indy at noon sharp on Sunday, less than an hour after I had arrived back in the circle city (see previous post).
After stops at Arby's, Mobil, and a Kentucky rest area, we arrived at the Holiday Inn Express in Knoxville around 6:45 pm.
By the time we got checked in, etc., it was 7:30, and they had stopped serving dinner at Smokies, which was our dining hall for the week. Smokies treated us with justice throughout the week, but on this evening, we were forced to venture to McDonald's. We had the darndest time figuring out the transportation system, so we walked.
After scarfing down our McDonald's, we were left with the task of making it to the evening worship at the Thompson-Boling Arena (a gigantic shrine to the color orange) by 9pm. Once again, we hadn't figured out the transportation system, so we took the long walk. I was in a pissy mood, since I was going on an hour and a half of sleep, and I was more frustrated about the transportation thing than I probably should have.
Once we made it to the Arena, they were just starting the worship set. It was powerful. At some point during the service, I realized that I didn't need to be poopy any more, and that God had this trip under control. Sadly, this realization would only come and go throughout the week.
The speakers on the first night were Judy Howard Peterson, Efrem Smith and Don Everts. They were excellent all week. The theme for this first night was "No Ordinary Man," in reference to Jesus. The fourth speaker throughout the week was Bart Campolo, but he didn't speak until the next night.
We walked back to the hotel again, again inept at figuring out the transportation system. Once again, I got frustrated, and sleep awaited me. I got the students to bed and laid in bed myself. You'd think I'd fall right asleep, right? Well, I was too stressed, so I called Marcie. I poured out my guts to her, she listened and told me to go to bed and that I would be renewed in the morning.
Of course she was right. The next morning brought good things. We figured out the transportation system, had a good breakfast at Smokies, went to small groups and focus groups, missed lunch, and went to the Nascar Speedway in Sevierville. And as Tony Stewart says, "If you can't have fun here, you can't have fun anywhere." Thanks, Tony.
After Nascar, we went to dinner and hung around awhile before going to the next evening's worship time. The theme for the second night was "No Ordinary Teacher," also referring to Jesus. I believe this was the night that Don and Bart were the speakers. Don's message was basically this, and it was absolutely gripping. Do unto others, indeed. Will, one of the guys from the youth group was really impacted by the message, and has been doing his best to live it since.
I won't run through all the details of each day...picking up the pace!
Tuesday's highlight was definitely "saving lives one scoop at a time." Scott, one of our youth, came up with that catchy slogan. One scoop at a time, we packaged nutritious dry meals to be sent to Sudan through a ministry called "Feed My Starving Children" out of Minneapolis. All in all, the youth of CHIC packaged almost 600,000 meals, which will literally prolong the lives of thousands of people who are starving each day. It was truly touching to be a part of this. Amazing. Aces. Read more about it here.
Tuesday's theme was "No Ordinary Healer," referring to (guess who?) Jesus. The service was a service of healing. There was much confession, confrontation and prayer in the service. There were a lot of tears and a lot of mending of broken relationships through Christ's power.
Wednesday we went to Dollywood's Splash Country. What a blast! But honestly, we were in Dollywood! How amazing is that?!? This was truly No Ordinary Day.
That evening, the theme was No Ordinary Death. Jesus lived with ordinary people and loved ordinary people, but there was nothing ordinary about his life and death. Students who did not know the saving power of Christ had a great oppportunity to get to know Jesus Wednesday night. The great thing is that the students came with church families, so they will not just accept Christ and go on with their lives exactly as they were. They have the built in daily influence to help them in the process of lifelong discipleship.
Thursday, we did all the regular stuff (small groups, focus sessions, evening worship), but we had free time all afternoon. I watched Zach, Seth an Scott do some skating at the skate park, ate some free snow cones, and took a nap on a park bench. It was nice.
The final night's theme was "No Ordinary Life," which went right along with the "No Ordinary Death" of the night before, because as many of us know, Jesus' death would have been pointless violence had it not been for the resurrection. We get to live resurrection lives in this world, right now, as we work for the kingdom, and for that which we pray--"thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." It's not just old sounding words...it is reality, awaiting final fulfillment.
We found out some great news on that last night. We found out that the youth of CHIC donated an incredible sum of money to Covenant World Relief's projects in Bentiu, Sudan. These high school students, 5,600 of them, donated over $100,000 to go towards a medical clinic and school and even more in Bentiu! That's over $17 per student, which I find quite impressive for a bunch of high schoolers who don't have jobs. It excites me to no end to see this generosity coming from the youth of the Covenant Church.
We left on Friday morning at 8am. Tim was picked up by his mom, so he didn't get to experience the trip home with us, but it was good. We had some McDonald's breakfast (mmm...McGriddles), and got some Skyline Chili in Cincinnati for lunch (amazing). We made it back to Indy at 3pm. Game over.

I also have to mention that it was great seeing so many people I hadn't seen in a long time. North Park friends, Libertyville friends...I love you all and miss you tons. It was great to see all of you. I'm glad I got to experience this event with so many close friends from all different stages of my life. There was much joy and love in just running into so many familiar faces throughout the week. And to everyone...

May the Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you His peace.

Rock on.

Never Did No Wanderin' After All

2006-07-27T11:30:00.000-04:00

I think I have too much to update to trust myself with paragraphs. I think bullet points will be much more efficient and far less prone to meandering.

The flight up to the UP was pretty good. We ate at Fuddrucker's in the Detroit airport and got Marcie a Tigers t-shirt.
When we got to the airport, we found that we had been upgraded (for free) to a 2006 Jeep Liberty. That's what I'm talking about.
The drive to Houghton Beach/Hancock Beach from the airport was a bit confusing, but we made it.
When we walked up to magnificent Lake Gerald, we were greeted as the Prodigal Children. Nate dove off the edge of the speedboat, and ran down the dock to embrace me. It was a wonderful inauguration to a great weekend.
We got into said speedboat with my lovely wife, the Guises, the Vis, and the stars of the show, Grabs and Rochitaka. We swam, talked, laughed, floated, farted and embraced the environment.
We ate a great meal, sauuuuuuuunaed, and were joined mid sauuuuuuna by Josh and Ginny. We were getting closer to fullness. We had reached a quarum, if you will.
It continued to get better. We settled into the cabins, waxed existential, talked film and absurdity, and retired for the evening. Sevierville! Dollywood! Gatlinburg! Pigeon Forge! We had much goodness (and danger) ahead of us.
Friday morning was the arrival of the Britch to much rejoicing and embracing and our first attempt at golf. This attempt was thwarted by God himself in the form of some hard core rain. It was just. God is always just.
In lieu of golf, we headed to Hancock Beach/Houghton Beach. We had to try on our tuxes (far too much clothing for the weather conditions), but before we could do that, we had to visit the Steph the Britch, Steph the Moss, and my favorite Brit, Ush.
Many ladies went to help decorate the reception hall during this process, which basically amounted to the spouses of the groomsmen doing way more work than the groomsmen themselves. But they were troopers, and had some great bonding time of their own (or so I tell myself).
After trying on our smart tuxes and buying mercantile/mercenary socks, we moved onto loitering in downtown Hancock. We purchased the world's most good-natured pipe for Gustine. Man, that pipe handled itself with grace.
Then it was off to Joe's Pizza for chili (cup or bowl?) and spudsters.
By then it was high time to head back to the cabins to get ready for the rehearsal dinner. Cherry coke was consumed in mass quantities.
Afterwards, we piled into the ole Liberty and headed back to Hancock Beach/Houghton Beach to meet Bob-O and RyJo. Joshua rode with my 9 iron in his backside and I unleashed a thousand graves from mine.
We purchased the Angry Bulldog (see picture) care kit for the bride-to-be.
We met everyone back at the cabins for the bachelor's party. It was a great time, watching the stars, hearing and telling stories, consuming moderate amounts of libation and smoking cigars and pipes and celebrating Nate. I got to know Ushwin, Ric, Joel and Patrick, all while being able to continue to hang with some of my best friends. We retired late.
The next morning was the attempt to play 9 holes. Some completed said task, others didn't. Here's a picture of Ushwin, the alleged novice to the sport of golf. He took us Yanks to school.
While we golfed, once again, our spouses committed themselves to the task of work. They got the cabin all cleaned up so that we could just load it into the vehicles after we were done.
We dropped the food and beverage, so generously donated to us by the Berger's, off at the cabin on Lake Gerald.
From there, we went to the wedding. We got to see Znack and Bre and their lil' guy, Trevor, Fowler and Ridell and a bunch of wonderful people. Sweet. It was about a million degrees, but it was a beautiful ceremony that symbolized an infinitely more beautiful union of two of my favorite individuals. Amazing.
After the wedding, there was eating, dancing, decorating, oddsmaking and celebrating at the Best Western of Houghton. The reception hall was air-conditioned. All praises to God for the provision of air-conditioning for us weary, tuxedoed souls.
Josh's toast was very apropos, spot on.
We continued to dance and enjoy. Eventually the party ended, and we got to see the happy couple off on their journey of life together. It was an honor and a joy. Aces.
Marcie and I slept from 1am to 2:30 pm (THANK YOU, Guistines!), and then we headed back to the airport. Marcie drove so that I could get some shuteye. It wasn't very restful, as I was trying to stay awake so that Marcie wouldn't hit a deer. Thanks, Marcie. I love you.
We made it to the airport after a few crazy twists, and flew back to Indy.
I showered, loaded into a van with my youth group, and left for Knoxville, TN.

The Knoxville stuff is coming soon. For now, I'll say that CHIC was powerful, and a beautiful experience, both for myself and the youth.

Are You Fatigued?

2006-07-11T12:39:00.000-04:00

Do you need this support group? I think I have at one time or another. Thanks to LarkNews for the link.

Travelin'

2006-07-11T12:03:00.000-04:00

Last summer, Marcie and I went to Michigan for our vacation. It may not sound all that exciting to many, but it was the best vacation we've ever had. One of the best parts of it was spending a couple days up in Houghton-Hancock with Nate and Rochelle (Grabher and Rochi-taka).

Here we are, nearly a year later, and Grabher and Rochi-taka are to become the Grabhers. On Saturday, they will be united in holy matrimony. I am so excited for them. I can't recall being as exciting for a wedding. Why?

Well, for one, Nate and Rochelle started dating on April 1, 2001. Marcie and I started dating on March 24, 2001, exactly one week prior. Marcie and I have been married for almost three years now, but Nate and Rochelle are just getting into this great journey known as marriage. We've been on the journey together, and I'm greatly excited for my friends to be fully united. They deserve each other. I love them and am excited beyond words to celebrate their union this weekend. They're such dear friends. Hep!

And the fun doesn't end there. Marcie and I are hopping on a plane at 6am Sunday to head back to Indy. As soon as we get back, we'll drive back home, I'll switch suitcases (prepacked, of course), get into a minivan with my Sr. High youth group, and head to Knoxville, TN for CHIC 2006.

CHIC is a youth conference put on by the Evangelical Covenant Church (my denomination of upbringing and choice) every three years. It is a week of intense worship, service, fun, and hopefully spiritual growth. It's funny, because I've been in the Covenant Church my whole life, but I've never been to CHIC. I think I'm kind of a black sheep in the Covenant (salvation pending: non-CHIC attendee).

Well, that's all about to change. I'm gonna get me some CHIC, and so are 7 youth from our church. They're stoked, I'm stoked, everybody's stoked-stoked. I am praying that I don't get too physically exhausted from all the travel and celebration. Sickness would be the last thing I would need. So you won't be hearing from me until I return on July 21st. I would appreciate your prayers.

Over and out.

Indie Blockedappella

2006-07-05T10:49:00.000-04:00

This is Indie Blockedappella. They have done something amazing. They have taken many of my favorite songs [Seven Nation Army, Hanasakajijii (A Great Wind, More Ash), Rebellion (Lies), Come On! Feel the Illinoise!, Jesus, Etc. and Animals Are Cut in Two] and translated them into something altogether crazy/fun/impressive.

They have vocally interpreted a slew of hip indie rock songs in a way that you have to hear to believe. Now, if you are not familiar with many of the original versions of the songs, you may not fully appreciate them, but listen anyway. They are streaming a ton of songs from their website.

I don't know yet if this stuff will hold up under repeated listens. Only time will tell, but it is impressive that they have even done this. Some of these songs have very complicated arrangements, but they haven't missed anything. And the Rez Band shirt is off the hook.

God bless you, Indie Blockedappella.

Check them out: http://www.indieblockedappella.com/

Practicality Was Never One Of My Strong Suits

2006-06-27T11:33:00.000-04:00

I guess this is my question. How does our youth ministry go about producing students who are letting their faith shape every area of life: in personal spiritual practices, reaching out to peers, serving the community, loving Jesus and resting in the knowledge of their belovedness, and generally living their lives for the Kingdom of God?

This is the desire of my heart, but I don't know if the students get it. I don't know if they realize that this is my (and I think, God's) desire for their lives. But maybe they do. I don't read minds. And I have to understand that they don't read mine, either.

I think I consistently run the danger of being nothing but the king of good intentions. I know all the right things, I've written all the right things, I have it all down in philosophies of ministry. I thought I would be a great pastor, but now that I'm in ministry, it's not working out as pretty as I had seen it in my head. No, I'm not giving up, just dealing with that disappointment. I'm sure it's normal. All the youth ministry professionals tell me it is.

I think I know what one of my big problems is. My intentions are great, but I am not willing to do the work to make it happen. I know what I need to do. Spend time with them. Model Christlike behavior for them. Be authentic. Love Jesus. Show them how. And in my own mind, I do a pretty good job of those things, but am I living it out in a way that will really impact these students? Or is my obedience to Christ all in my head? Have I taken my personal faith and made it private, and therefore dead to anyone outside myself?

Okay, so I might have stepped up to the edge with this, but it is the reality I am facing. I have always been applauded (and have applauded myself) for my gifts, but is it really showing itself in changed youth? All I know is that it is summer, and I cannot spend 40 hours a week in the office. I need to get out. I need to be with them. I need to live with them. I need to be Christ to them.

I just need to make it more than a good idea, and actually do it.

Kingdom Quiz

2006-06-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

I found this Kingdom Quiz on Scot McKnight's blog and just had to take it myself. I'm pretty happy with my results. I had to take it very slowly to get accurate results. It is truly a healthy balance between a Christianised Society and a Future Hope...it's the "already but not yet" place in which we live.

Here are my results:

You scored as Kingdom as a Christianised Society. Christians shouldn't withdraw from the world, but by being present in it they can transform it. The kingdom is not only spiritual, but social, political, and cultural.

Kingdom as a Christianised Society 92%
The Kingdom is a Future Hope 75%
The Kingdom is mystical communion 67%
The Kingdom as a counter-system 67%
The Kingdom as Earthly Utopia 58%
The Kingdom as Institutional Church 42%
The Kingdom as a political state 42%
Inner spiritual experience 33%

What is the Kingdom of God?
created with QuizFarm.com

Hey, Dad

2006-06-20T09:34:00.000-04:00

This is the manuscript from a sermon I preached on June 11, the second week of Pentecost, Trinity Sunday. I don't preach from the manuscript, but this is basically what was said, though far less long-winded and tangential than the finished product.

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."

~Romans 8:12-17

Moms and dads are very interesting creatures. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit lately, as I’m less than three months away from becoming a dad myself. I mean, mom and dad can be perceived in a million different ways by their children, and children can be perceived in a million different ways by their parents based upon a million different factors. What is the parent’s personality? What is the child’s personality? Is one parent stricter than another? What form of discipline will be most effective for the child? Is the child more analytical or more artistic? Are the parents more analytical or artistic? Will the presence or absence of facial hair affect the way a child responds to their father? Will the child love the parents no matter what, just like the parents love the child?

George Edward Foreman, the former Heavyweight Champion of the World and grill-master extraordinaire, has five sons and five daughters. His oldest son’s name is George Edward Foreman. His youngest son is George Edward Foreman. His second, third and fourth sons are all George Edward Foreman. So is this evidence that George Foreman is a complete egomaniac? I mean, it’s not like boxers are known for their humility.

But big George had different motives for naming all of his boys George Edward. George had a tough upbringing. He grew up not knowing his father. His father was not present at all, and so none of his childhood memories contained his father. George knew that this made his life much more difficult than it had to be, and he didn’t want his boys to grow up with the same situation. He wanted them to know they were loved, so he made their names a constant reminder of the fact that they have a dad and that he loves them. So George, George, George, George and George will always know their father—a comfort and a joy that George Sr. never had.

I grew up with the blessing of having parents who were present, supportive and humble. My parents are present in nearly every one of my childhood memories. They weren’t perfect, but then again, neither was I. Come to think of it, none of us is currently perfect, either—I guess some things never change. They were there to help, and I knew it—even when I was being punished or scolded. They were forming my character, helping me become a better person, and keeping me from many of the traps that exist in this world that lead to addiction and patterns of bad behavior. And, for whatever reason, I responded to their discipline, their exhortation and their love. I respected them, and they respected me, no matter how young I might have been. They had the authority, but they treated me with dignity and love.

The way we relate to our parents growing up has a profound impact on all of our relationships. It affects the way we approach the opposite sex. It affects the way in which we ultimately approach parenting, when that day comes. And perhaps most of all, it affects the way we perceive and approach God.

The Bible says that God is our father. And not just that, it says that God is our Abba. You see, the New Testament was written in Greek. Jesus and most of the New Testament writers spoke Aramaic as their first language, but they chose to write in Greek because it was the most widely spoken language of the day. But in a very small number of instances, a Hebrew or Aramaic word was so rich with meaning that they could not just translate it into Greek, so they kept it the way is was.

In the New Testament, Abba is one such word. Abba is a very intimate family term, often thought to be a sort of English equivalent to ‘daddy’ or ‘dad.’ Either way, it is a term that eliminates many of the formal divisions between a father and child, and expresses the hearts of children who have a truly personal and close relationship with a parent. There is much evidence that Jesus used the word Abba when referring to his father in prayer, including the very famous Lord’s Prayer. There are two instances in the New Testament, in Galatians and Romans, where the word Abba is transliterated from Aramaic. Paul could have used the Greek Pater alone, which would have communicated something similar, but decides in these two instances to use both—Abba Pater. The word Abba cuts to the heart of the parenthood of God in a way that no other does.

This may seem perfectly natural to us who live in an ever-increasingly informal culture, but consider the God-speak of the Jewish culture in which Jesus and Paul and the disciples lived in. They wouldn’t even write out or speak the personal name of God. They would write out the Hebrew consonants for YHWH, but would use the vowels from another Hebrew word, and would simply pronounce Adonai, which was a very generic Hebrew term for God. It is to this same God, this wholly other God whose name is not to be spoken aloud for fear of mispronouncing it and ending up cursed or dead or worse, who Jesus so intimately refers to as his Abba.

Paul explains how this works. Every one of us was once a slave to sin—prone to depression, prone to addiction, constantly afraid and without hope for eternity. But when Jesus Christ takes over our lives, we receive the Holy Spirit. It’s the Holy Spirit that convicts us of sin, that gives us strength in the midst of struggle, and that interprets our pitiful prayers for us, among other things. And in this passage, we see that the Holy Spirit establishes once and for all that God is our Abba, and that we are Abba’s children. Put simply, just like George Foreman, who named all of his sons George Edward, the Holy Spirit has given each of us a name—Abba’s child.

You see, when the Holy Spirit enters our lives, we get adopted by God. Adoption is a great act of mercy which takes the fatherless and the motherless and gives them a home—gives them an identity.

Paul explains this in a way that would make a lot of sense to someone like himself, a former Pharisee, well trained in the law, who thinks like a lawyer. So if you are very analytical, pay attention to Paul’s argument.

There is a very old Biblical tradition that lays out how things are to be established as truth. The lawful procedure is laid out in Deuteronomy 19:15 (One witness is not enough to convict anyone of any crime or offense they may have committed. A matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses), where Moses is giving the law for the second time and says that if a crime is committed, one witness is not enough to convict. There always must be two or three witnesses if a testimony or accusation will be accepted. If there were two or three witnesses to an event, it was truth—plain and simple. It was not questioned, but was taken very seriously as a civic and a religious law.

It’s just like when you’re talking to a friend, and you ask them what they got for their birthday. If they say they got a pony, you may not believe them, but if their dad is standing right there and tells you, “It’s true. She got a pony for her birthday,” you will be much more likely to believe her. Not only do you have two witnesses instead of one, but the other witness is a very reputable source, your friend’s father, who would have very little reason to lie about such a thing for his daughter. The Holy Spirit is a very reliable source which assures each of us that we are indeed children of our Abba. That’s something I want to know once and for all. I want to be able to know for sure that I am a child of God. I know it sounds good and everything, but sometimes I feel like I don’t live up—like I don’t deserve to be Abba’s Child.

There’s this tendency that adopted children have. No matter how thankful they may be for their adopted parents or how awesome the care of the adopted parents, they often have this internal longing to know their biological parents. I know some adopted people who have this picture in their heads of their biological parents which is pristine and idealized, and they feel like all their current problems will be solved if they could just connect again with the parents they never knew.

That’s exactly how we are with our slavery to sin. We have been adopted into God’s family, but we have these distorted memories of the old life. We look back and think, “That wasn’t so bad.” We got so used to being sin-slaves, that we don’t allow ourselves to fully embrace our adoption as Abba’s children. So we stray. We run away from home and we try to play by our own rules. But that leads to only one thing, and it isn’t pretty. It’s death.

But living by the Spirit means that we don’t do that anymore. It means we live an existence where we are loved completely and unconditionally. We accept the fact that we are Abba’s children, and don’t run away from home anymore.

We don't run away because of a promise. There is a promise that we will be heirs of God. Co-heirs with Christ. That means that whatever fortune awaits Christ from God is also awaiting us. God treats us as we are. His children. He divides up his inheritance among us. What a lavish, undeserved gift!

I will conclude with an absolutely touching story that I heard from one of my heroes, Brennan Manning at Midwinter this past January. Brennan was asked by a woman if he would see her father, who was in ill health and near death. He met with the man, and just listened and talked with him. It wasn’t anything Brennan said that makes this a great story.

The man shared that he had tried a lot of different ways of praying in his day, and he wanted to ask Brennan if the way he had been praying was acceptable. He said that he had asked a pastor about prayer, and he gave him a thick book on prayer that had a lot of big words, but nothing that helped him prayer. He said eventually, he just settled on this—he would sit across from an empty chair and visualize God himself sitting in that chair and talk to him. That’s why he kept an empty chair next to his bed all the time. That was where God sat and he talked to him. Brennan said that he thought that was an excellent way to pray.

Well, it wasn’t much later that the man’s daughter called Brennan back and told him that the man had died. At her request, Brennan went over to the house again. He asked if it was a peaceful death, if he was with family, etc. She said no, that she was at work and he was alone in the house when it happened. She went into his room when she got home, and she said that it was the weirdest thing. He had shifted his whole body, so that instead of his whole body being in the bed, he was all curled up with his head, shoulders and arms resting on the chair.

He knew his Abba, and he died exactly as he had lived. In the arms of his Abba. Let’s live likewise.

Casey's Story or Something Else

2006-06-19T13:41:00.000-04:00

I wrote this last September. I have put Casey's Story as a title, but I would love submissions of titles and/or artwork that you think would be complementary to the story. I hope you enjoy it.

As Casey walked swiftly down that rambunctious city street, he knew something was amiss. With each step, he noticed that walking was becoming more of a chore. He looked down to see that his feet were not longer in fact feet, but small dogs. Casey became concerned about the dogs, but then realized that if he was going to crush them, they would not be at the bottom of his legs. But before he could even complete his thought, Casey looked down and saw that what used to be his legs were now guitar amplifiers.

“It’s very odd for these small dogs to be carrying guitar amplifiers on their backs,” Casey thought to himself, almost forgetting that the objects in question used to be his feet and legs.

Casey was becoming a bit nervous, and went to wipe his brow, but the feeling of his hand against his forehead was not as expected.

“How did I get Curious George sock puppets on my hands?” Casey wondered aloud.

“You tell me,” interjected the puppet on his left hand.

“This is absurd, how can you talk when you’re just a sock puppet on my hand?”

Casey tried at once to remove the Curious George puppet from his hand, but found that the puppet was not attached to his hand, but to a fishing pole that was jutting out of the back of the guitar amplifier.

“Now this is just too much!” Casey attempted to scream, but before the words came out of his mouth, he found that his mouth was no longer a mouth, but an extra large coffee mug with the words “Best Grandpa Ever” inscribed on the side.

An old man came by about 2 o’clock in the afternoon. He saw two Chihuahuas standing next to each other with guitar amplifiers on their backs with a fishing pole coming from the back of each. Curious George taunted him relentlessly, but the old man noticed something exciting. Atop the amplifiers was a baseball mitt, and in that baseball mitt sat a coffee mug chock full of piping hot coffee.

The old man took the hot coffee, threw it in the face of Curious George, put the mug atop his head and exclaimed, “You don’t know the truth! Truth is insurmountable, indiscriminate and inconceivable!”

The man took off his coffee mug hat, placed it carefully back into the baseball mitt, and continued his journey.

Que pasa?

2006-05-31T10:40:00.000-04:00

I had a great birthday weekend. Marcie's gift was amazing, even though the Cubs lost. Just being at Wrigley feels like home. Rockford was a blast. We got to spend quite a bit of time with my family, and spent most of Sunday with the Bookers. They're awesome. We talked, caught up, golfed, and ate a lot. It had been awhile. It was certainly refreshing to be able to just hang out and spend time with some really close friends. It is a beautiful thing, to have friends who love us. We ate at Dos Reales in Champaign on the way home, and they sang happy birthday to me in Spanish and put a 10 pound sombrero on my head (I had no idea those things were so heavy). It was a great birthday. I always love to spend my birthday with the people I love, and there are so many of them...more than I realize. And to those who do it so well, thank you for loving me.

In other news, I started reading Franny and Zooey last night, and could hardly put it down. I read 93 pages in the first sitting. It's excellent. I really connect with Salinger as a writer for some reason. Maybe it's because he seems to be able to put all my character flaws and tendencies into his characters in a way that makes reading his stuff seem very familiar. Anyway, some of you know that the first time I read Catcher in the Rye, I shaved my beard. I don't know if something that drastic is pending for this one, but it sure is good.

2006-05-25T17:05:00.000-04:00

Indians Game!

Defending a Rock Star

2006-05-22T12:36:00.000-04:00

Last Friday night (5/12), John Stossel did one of his 20/20 "Top Ten Things that Everybody Thinks is True But I Wholeheartedly Disagree With" (or whatever they're called) specials. I know he's just providing counterpoints, but his antagonistic style disturbs me and he sort of drives me nuts. But alas, that's not why I'm writing.

I'm writing because he basically attacked Bono in his special for seeking federal aid to Africa. Stossel argued that throwing money at the problem is not enough and that we need to help structure the African economy so that people with entrepreneurial gifts can start new businesses.

Well, I think Mr. Stossel is attacking the wrong guy. Maybe Stossel should talk to Bono before he tells everyone what Bono thinks.

A Holy Moment

2006-05-22T11:52:00.000-04:00

I was asked recently what practically distinguishes a "holy moment" from those rituals and festivities that we set apart as holy. I thought it was a good question. So I answered it.

I would describe a holy moment as an unmistakeable experience of the Holy Spirit's work in life. I would agree with many that this can come in the midst of "set" events, but often it is in the spontaneous activity of the Spirit that we experience our most memorable holy moments. For me, a lot of holy moments have come through the Spirit's work through art: most notably music and literature, but many have come in the form of rituals and festivities (baptism, communion, worship services, etc.).

One that I will never forget will be at our wedding, when Marcie and I each raised a hand in the air as we sang "Great is Thy Faithfulness." We both really had the sense that it was truly his faithfulness that brought us to that point. A ceremony and a holy moment caught up together.

Of course this discussion raises the question of whether rites of passage and set services are always holy moments, whether we feel like it was or not. It's hard to say that a holy moment depends on our individualistic experience of that moment, but it's also difficult to say that a moment can be a holy moment when we have only experienced it as a routine.

I would tend to say that we experience a lot more holy moments than we acknowledge. Just because we didn't see it, didn't mean it wasn't a holy moment. But then again, there are events that label themselves 'holy,' yet it seems to be something that God would have a hard time endorsing.

If the Kingdom of God is a continuous 'holy moment,' maybe all I need to do is open my eyes wider and acknowledge my whole life as a holy moment.

If only there weren't so many unholy interruptions.